"Anniversary" *feedback well appreciated*

[jazzysoul]

My first story submission to literotica

Just wondering what people thought. I'm new to the site, so....*shrugs*

Would love to get some feedback on this.

thank you all in advance.

JS

 

[jazzysoul]

okay I tried to post a story awhile back but didn't realize the rules (submit story...get link...post link...etc) and posted the actual story in the thread. When I realized the error of my ways, I edited the post out because I couldn't figure out how to delete.

Well, now that my story was submitted, the thread was still around, so I figured I'd just edit it and put the link in instead of creating a WHOLE NEW thread.

So....there ya go!

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Very short. It leaves the reader wondering and wanting more. For such a short story I found it had a lot of atmosphere.

As we often say around here, the ellipsis "..." is only used in an incomplete thought, or quotation. "Where did I put my..." The sound of a truck crashing through my kitchen interuppted my train of thought.

Well done, especially if this is your first attempt. I hope you keep writing.

 

[jazzysoul]

It's not my first story, but it's my first submission to literotica.com

I have more of my stuff posted at my myspace page (yeah I know, I'm a sad one) lol

thanks for the feedback!

www.myspace.com/soulconscious

 

[drksideofthemoon]

It's not my first story, but it's my first submission to literotica.com

I have more of my stuff posted at my myspace page (yeah I know, I'm a sad one) lol

thanks for the feedback!

I hope you post more here.

 

[jazzysoul]

I have another one pending. My stuff is non-explicit stuff. A lot tends to have an erotic tinge to it, but I don't feel I can write sexual stuff well, so I don't.

Think I'm gonna submit another two or three tonight, and they should be approved by the end of the weekend, hopefully.

This one took about a week or so.

 

[EveAnna]

It was short but you do write with a real atmosphere - you set the story well without going into lines of detail of how and why - which I think would have spoiled the story. Its refreshing to read this kind of story on Lit, a nice change.

I look forward to reading more of your stories.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

I've come to call these "Dream Stories," not because they are dreams, but because they are written like a dream and really are short viginettes. I'm usually pretty critical of them. This one, however, even with it's brevity, was quite well written with vivid images. I would like to have seen more of the character, "I". She seems faceless and more of a emotion than a real person.

But then that's what Dream Stories are. I suggest you try something longer next time. In other words, keep writing. Your story was pretty damn good.

JJ

 

[elfin_odalisque]

jazzy

I really liked Anniversary. Jenny is right, in that you could explore the emotions more to build atmosphere. However - and maybe I'm a sucker for this type of story - I think you did real good.

And yes, please, post some more soon.

Well done.

Elle

 

[jazzysoul]

thank you all very very much for the kind words.

 

[jazzysoul]

and for those wanting more stuff from me, I have three stories pending that should be upped this week (hopefully) ;-)

 

[drksideofthemoon]

and for those wanting more stuff from me, I have three stories pending that should be upped this week (hopefully) ;-)

Please let us know when they are approved, I would like to take a look at them.