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An old dog learns new tricks

I think this was an incredibly sweet and unselfish gesture on your husbands part. He is likely frustrated by the toll his illnesses have taken on his sex life, he would prefer to handle this himself but does want you to be satisfied in ways he no longer can reliably perform.
 
Your story does seem real and heartfelt; however, I do have some questions before I respond with my own comments. On your profile, you list your age at 52, then go on to refer to having sex with only one man for "6" decades. That's 60 years. Then you say you have been married to your husband for over 40 years. That would mean you were married before you were 12 years old. No offense, but what is the truth here? Are you real, or just playing?
 
Patty

You have a truly selfless husband who must love you very much. It's about time that people realize that love and faithfulness in a marriage does NOT necessarily imply sexual exclusivity. Sex is only one aspect of a marriage and just as one partner may allow the other to take up skydiving or sailing or taking ballroom dance lessons alone because they are not interested or don't feel able to enjoy it together, so it could be with sex.

I myself had several affairs with women whose husbands were failing and even though they didn't give explicit permission, knew and accepted the facts.
 
Thank you for your response, your explanation does sound plausible. You would be surprised at how many people, (often men posing as women), post phony stories just jerk people's chain. I don't know why they do it, but it's no fun to spend the time writing a response only to find out it's some jerk-off getting his jollies.

I did read your Bio, and also your other posts. Particularly posts #68 and post #104 on the "Deepest Darkest Secret Your Spouse/Partner Doesn't Know", thread. However, what caught my attention was your post on this thread.

Some years ago I had a friend, (a man with whom I worked), who found himself a similar situation, only his loss of sex drive was caused by an industrial accident. Not only did he not have much left to get an erection with, he was left without the desire for sex. After he recovered, he appeared to be the same man as he always was, he was just completely sexually impotent, both emotionally and physically. His wife being completely devoted to her marriage, accepted the fact that she would never have sex again. I suppose she used a sex toy of some type, and possibly masturbation, but I don't know. I never asked, never considered it any of my business.

Outwardly, both his marriage and himself appeared to have recovered an adjusted; however, privately, for years he agonized over the fact, (at least from his perspective), that he was not and never would be the man he was before. He loved his wife, but felt inadequate as a man because he could not make love to her. Finally, like your husband, he made the decision to give her permission to find a lover. He didn't want to lose his wife, but he didn't want her to be unhappy either.

And like yourself, she was hurt and angry. She was hurt that he took her devotion to him so lightly, (at least from her perspective). After working through the hurt and and anger, she finally agreed it would probably be for the best. At least it would relieve her frustrations. She was a young woman and had a lot of years left.

At least so they thought, it was a viable solution for a problem in their marriage. At least until it came the day for her to walk out the door and go to another man's bed. Even though he was completely willing for her to go to another man for sex, he suddenly found he couldn't deal with it emotionally. It wasn't that he was jealous or didn't want her to go, it was that he was suddenly slapped in the face, (from his perspective), with the fact that he was no longer a man.

As difficult as it was for you to work through your hurt and anger, it is likely equally difficult for your husband to work through his emotions. It is one thing for a man to give his wife permission, (under these particular circumstances), and quite another thing to know that she is actually in bed with another man. I don't know you or your husband, and being the case, he may be fine with it, but from my life experiences, he may not.

Since your original post seemed to be asking for opinions, I thought I would give you mine. In my opinion, (for what it's worth), rather than posting your story here for all the world to see before you tell your husband, you should be talking to your husband to be sure he can really deal with this emotionally. Even though he gave his permission, this is a rotten way to spring something like this on a man. You should have more compassion and understanding as to how difficult this decision is for a man to make under these particular circumstances. As you pointed out, this is not about cuckolding, swinging or cheating, this is about your husband offering a solution to a problem he believes exists in your marriage.

Since I am reasonably sure my opinion is going to piss you off, I will give you another word of advice. If you're going to look for a lover, (or a friend with benefits, if you prefer that phrase), Craig's List is probably the worst and most risky place you can look. If your husband really is diabetic, (depending on the type); if you should pick up even a minor STD and pass it on to your husband, it could be a serious health risk for him. Most STDs are passed through body fluids. This includes kissing. You can pick up an STD from a woman is easily as you can pick it up from a man. You can meet good people through Craig's List, but sooner or later, you are going to run into creeps who have no concern for you are or your husband's health. If you going to have a lover, be selective. Get to know something about the person first. You owe that to your husband. Craig's List is where the creeps advertise.

Your husband has been with you for a long time, and being so, you should have talked to him first to be sure he is really OK with this. Is a very difficult decision for a man. If he is OK with this, then post stories. However, just because you think he can deal with it, doesn't mean he can.
 
I am heavily involved in this cleansing process I've started and have a hard time leaving it alone while we are staying with family. My husband has objected to the time I've spent hiding in another room. He's worried I will raise suspicions of others so I will try not to post again until I am home.
 
PanhandlePatty said:
I am heavily involved in this cleansing process I've started and have a hard time leaving it alone while we are staying with family. My husband has objected to the time I've spent hiding in another room. He's worried I will raise suspicions of others so I will try not to post again until I am home.
Click to expand...


I understand your situation better now. I think if I found myself in a similar situation as your husband, (or my friend who was injured), I think I would probably come to the same decision as your husband. I think I understand why he gave you permission to have sex outside of your marriage. If I were in that situation, I wouldn't want someone I loved to suffer for something that happened to me. I wouldn't feel good about it, but I wouldn't feel good about making the person I loved suffer for either.

I don't want you to feel like I am telling you what to do, but I thought I would share some of my thoughts. You probably already have, but I think you should spend some time reconnecting emotionally with your husband. He needs to understand that you love him because of the man he is, (and not just the man he was), and sex was only a part of your relationship/marriage to him. He needs to feel like the man in your life, and that he is still an important in the role. There are a lot of jokes about male machoism, and/or male sexuality, but it's not really a joke. Sexuality, (or the ability to perform sexually), is very important to a man: it's part of our self-identity, and it is very hard to admit to yourself that you have lost that prowess. It makes you feel less than a man. It is very important for your husband to understand his value in your life. I know this sounds academic, and you would think he would already know he is still important to you; however, even though he may not show it outwardly, when a man loses that part of himself, he can become very insecure.

Reconnecting emotionally may help you release some of your guilt also. Just as a suggestion, something as simple as walking in the park holding hands and talking can help him reconnect with you. Sometimes it's the simple things in life that are the most important. I do understand your guilt. Most people would think, " Hooray", I get to have sex, but when you are in a loving marriage, it's hard to break that vow. But being without sex can leave you frustrated. It can leave you torn between your love for your husband, and your need for sexual release. We can be devoted to the person we love, and still be driven by our sexual need. Your husband loves you very much, and doesn't want you to suffer for something that isn't your fault. I understand your guilt, but you do need to release it.

I'm glad you responded as you did. Now I understand why you created this alt and posted your story. Sometimes when we are trying to deal with an issue, and there is no one with whom we can talk about our situation, our thoughts can get all jumbled up in our head. When we write it out, we are not only writing it out for others to read, we're also reading our own story, and this helps us see what we need to do more clearly. I think you and your husband are going to be OK. Sometimes life doesn't work like it is supposed to, and we just have to do the best we can. I don't think you're doing anything wrong, I think both you and your husband are just doing what you have to do. You are just dealing with the situations that life gave you, and no one can judge you that hasn't walked in your shoes.

Don't feel you have to respond to this while you are away from home, (or respond at all for that matter), I wouldn't want this post to cause any disruption in your life.
 
Patty, thank you for continuing your story. Your husband sounds as though he was a virile and sexually confident man when younger, which must make his current situation harder to bare. Although he was keen for you to expose yourself in public and he obviously enjoyed what must have been a delightful sight of you masturbating in front of the your party friends or being brought to orgasm by one of them, it must have been a tough decision for him to suggest that you take a lover and even harder for him to hear that you had. I look forward to reading the next segment.
 
Patty, I'm so glad that you and your husband had a fulfilling fuck. You mentioned that you went to the ladies, was this to remove your underwear in order to flash your husband or you normally pantyless?
 
Patty. ..

....I love your free spirit. ...likeminded couples go long way. ...thanks for sharing. .
 
This was an awesome story of your sexual escapades. I hope everything works out for you and your hubby.
 
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