An Odd Bone To Worry Around "Respect".

[fgarvb1]

The first few times I encountered the odd (at least to me) statement, about when a woman in a married or committed relationship refuses or rather turns down having sex with her husband or Significant Other that what really bothers the man is that he feels disrespected.

God knows it happens to me way to much around here. Having dwelled upon the implications of said statement for a few months I have decided that the statement is correct.

As one might imagine this can cause several levels of trouble in an relationship.
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What are your thoughts on this question?

Men do you feel disrespected when this happens without a good reason?

Women is that what you wanted?

When you are dating a man and you lose respect for him I bet the relationship is over...never mind the sex.

 

[fgarvb1]

No comments at all?

It can be a tough concept.

 

[Eilan]

I've been thinking about what to say. I intend to post something else, though.

 

[Quoll]

No comments at all?

It can be a tough concept.

Yeah it is isn't it.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Great topic!

What are your thoughts on this question?

Men do you feel disrespected when this happens without a good reason?


Women is that what you wanted?

When you are dating a man and you lose respect for him I bet the relationship is over...never mind the sex.

Ok, random initial thoughts, subject to change.


To see turning down sex as disrespectful, you have to believe, at least a little, that having sex is a sign of respect. And that sex is owed to you. Or that having sex is expected, an obligation, the default, and it's not a choice each time. I don't agree with that view.

There's something of a sulky, demanding tone about it too. I'm pretty sure that's not what you mean. But if a man thinks she's disrespecting him by turning down a specific offer of sex, that could be insecurity talking, on its face.


A couple might not agree on what is a good reason to turn down sex. If I'm not in the mood, is that a good reason? To me it is. A guy might see that as disrespectful when it's not meant in a negative way at all. If I'm turning down my SO, it's nothing to do with respect and I don't want him to feel disrespected.

As to your last question, yes. If I truly lose respect for a guy, the relationship is over. If I've lost respect for someone, no, I don't to have sex with him. There are a lot of other things I don't want to do after losing respect for someone, but the sex is the first thing he'll notice, and the only thing the guy tries to fix.

However, there may be times when I don't respect him for something he's done, but I haven't lost respect for him on the whole. In those cases, I wouldn't turn down sex with him. That's not how sex works for me: I don't withhold it when displeased; I have it when I'm pleased, for lack of a better word.


Very complex question. I'll be interested to read everyone's thoughts.

 

[Vixandra]

Quoting the questions because its late and I'm not scrolling up and down the page 10 times.

What are your thoughts on this question?

Men do you feel disrespected when this happens without a good reason?

Women is that what you wanted?

When you are dating a man and you lose respect for him I bet the relationship is over...never mind the sex.

In order-
1) Turning down sex isn't, at least for me, a matter of disrespect. Its that "touch me and die" feeling, not the "you're not worth having sex with" type of thing. Been married 3 years and I can honstely say- he's turned down sex due to being tired/migrane far more then I've turned it down for any reason. Its not a matter of disrespect, its a difference in lust levels at a given time. Which is okay.

2) Not a man. But from a bisexual woman's point of view I'd want to know the reason why sex wasn't going to happen. If she has a migrane, I'd offer to get her something to help. If it was respect, then its time for a serious conversation.

3) Nope, see answer one. Don't turn down sex without a damn good reason. If I mean to be disrespectful, I'll flat out say it, not hide behind a closed off gesture like denying him sex.

4) The loss of my respect tends to happen over something big.
Not "omg he built a potatoe gun and they're firing french frys out of it" thing, which I knew I'd face coming into the relationship.
Can't really think of many reasons I'd loose respect for my beloved but if I lost all respect for him then yeah, relationship would be over, forget sex, get out of my house, I'm keeping the cats.

*reserves the right to edit this since it is four am*

 

[Guest]