Am I wrong?

[Wildcard Ky]

I'm carrying this forward from a discussion I'm into on another board to get more thoughts on it:

I'm in a discussion with a gay man that keeps telling me that I need to try to understand homosexuality. I disagree, and he's telling me I'm wrong for it.

I'm not gay. Never have been, probably never will be. There's nothing about it that appeals to me. I completely do not understand homosexuality. Another member of this board once told me "you're SO straight".

With that being said, I still treat everyone equally. I don't see any difference in gays/hetero's. I truly believe in equal rights and treatment for everyone. You're gay, okay. I don't understand it, but I don't hold anything against you. I hope you lead a happy life. I won't shy away from you because of it. I won't treat you any differently than I would anyone else. I won't have any problems having you for a friend.

I don't think there's some requirement for me to understand it. Are blacks required to understand whites, or vice versa? Are men required to understand women? (If so, good luck on that one). Are the rich required to understand the poor, or vice versa? Or is it simply good enough to not understand as long as you treat all people the same?

I think it's pleny good enough, but this guy disagrees with me. He's telling me that I'm wrong for not trying to understand.

What's your take on all of this?

 

[elsol]

You're not wrong.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[ElizabethWest]

you're SO straight

Was that me?

I don't think you have to understand the reasons the guy is homosexual or the biological responses that go into it. Fair treatment for all is good enough for me.

 

[Wildcard Ky]

Was that me?

I don't think you have to understand the reasons the guy is homosexual or the biological responses that go into it. Fair treatment for all is good enough for me.

LOL. 'Twas you my dear.

 

[ElizabethWest]

LOL. 'Twas you my dear.

Thought so.

 

[sophia jane]

I don't understand alot of people. And alot of people don't understand me. I don't think you're wrong.

SJ

 

[minsue]

I suppose it depends on what he means by "understand". I don't need understanding when it comes to any facet of who I am; acceptance will do just fine.

 

[Quiet_Cool]

I don't understand alot of people. And alot of people don't understand me. I don't think you're wrong.

SJ

This is well-said. But I don't think it covers the topic en toto. I've always been a believer in the idea that when you choose to deal with someone on certain levels, you choose to take some level of responsibility for them. Understanding is an important part of all interpersonal relationships,and the attempts to understand are vital to keeping them strong and active, current so to speak.

That's in reference, however, to those closest to you. You're wife/husband; your children, parents.

As for a gay guy on a message board...? I don't understand why Carson prefers men. And I doubt he understands why I prefer women. So what? I don't judge him, and I doubt he judges me, or any of the rest of the straight men on the board. What else matters, really?

Q_C

 

[maggot420]

i dont think you're wrong...i have trouble understanding most people no matter what their sex or orientation. you don't need to understand someone to accept them.
but i still always try

 

[dr_mabeuse]

One of the reasons we read and write stories is to experience the world through another's eyes. It always seemed to me that trying to understand other people and their experiences is as natural as breathing. For me, it's something of an obsession. I have only one existence, and, quite frankly, it gets pretty boring sometimes. I love to borrow someone else's life for a while. It makes the whole world a new place.

There's certainly no law that says you have to try and understand other people, but, speaking for myself, it seems to me like a terribly dull and unprofitable way to live if you don't. There's only one reality, but there are like 4 billion experiences of it. Why wouldn't I want to see what some of them are like?

I'm not a woman, but I spend an awful lot of time trying to figure out what love and sex and life in general feel like to them. I'm not an ancient Egyptian either, but I love to put myself back there and imagine what it felt like to be alive then. I'm not gay, but I have a natural curiosity and I think I can imagine something of what it's like. It only seems natural to be curious and want to do that.

When someone says, "Try to understand me," I do. I just can't imagine why I'd want to turn my back and say "no."

I guess I'd have to ask, why wouldn't you want to try and understand them?

 

[Wildcard Ky]

I guess I'd have to ask, why wouldn't you want to try and understand them?

It's not that I wouldn't want to, it's basically that I can't. I can't understand being attracted to other men. It's just not in my makeup. I can understand a lot of his life. All of the little things that happen to all of us everyday, be it happy, sad, or mad. Things like work, hobbies, political views, money, bills, health, and all of the other little things that affect all of us. I can empathize with all of these things because of similar experiences. I know where he's coming from on all of those things.

It's just this one little aspect of who he is that I don't have the capability to "understand". As a man, I can't understand female plumbing issues. She can try to describe it, but that doesn't mean that I "understand". I'll never experience pms, cramps, and all of the other things associated with it. So how can I be expected to understand it? How could I understand it if it's impossible for me to ever experience it? The same holds true for being gay.

 

[Liar]

Interresting, I just had a similar discussion with some friends of mine earlier. The topis was physical attraction.

One is a very straight guy, one is a very gay guy, and then there is me, to whom the description "very" is about as easy to pin as a stapler to a steel door. Mr Straight could not see what was attractive and not on a guy. Ever so often, he'd look at men Mr Gay pointed out as hot and go "Huh? But that bloke is plain ugly!". To which Mr Gay said "Ah-hah!"

Mr Gay had a theory, you see. It went something like this: Your gay-or-staightness can be judge by your ability to judge one genders aestethical beauty. If you're a gay man who can't see which girl is pretty and which girl is plain, you are a very gay man. Like him. If you are a straight man, and can't see the difference between a hot guy and a not guy, then you're very straight, like Mr Straight.

Mr Straight had another theory. It was about the straight man's understanding of gayness. He claimed that since the only thing that, when it comes down to it, is different between gay and straight men is the attraction to a specific gender. Gay behaviour exceeding that is just a social construct. And being attracted to men is mainly a female trait. So understanding "the whole gay thing" is the same as understanding women. And men are not supposed to understand women, so why try?

My theory was that eight rounds of Kilkenny and a marathon of vodka shots produces some pretty stoned theories.

#L

 

[Colleen Thomas]

It would seem to me, you are incapable of understanding. Nothing against you, but if you simply have no drivein that direction, understanding is pretty ipossible, save only a superficial understanding. I think most folks would be fine with just simple acceptance and equal treatment. I know that's all i ask.

 

[maggot420]

It would seem to me, you are incapable of understanding. Nothing against you, but if you simply have no drivein that direction, understanding is pretty ipossible, save only a superficial understanding. I think most folks would be fine with just simple acceptance and equal treatment. I know that's all i ask.

simple acceptance and equal treatment isnt too much to ask for, but i would ask for an ice cream cone too

 

[Halo_n_horns]

What's your take on all of this?

It sounds like he's confusing understanding with tolerance. I don't understand homosexuality at all between men, but I'm very tolerant of it and couldn't really care less most of the time, so long as no one tries to impose it on me. They have their ways and I have mine. It's all good that way.

 

[Liar]

It sounds like he's confusing understanding with tolerance. I don't understand homosexuality at all between men, but I'm very tolerant of it and couldn't really care less most of the time, so long as no one tries to impose it on me. They have their ways and I have mine. It's all good that way.

A pretty common attitude amongst level headed, non-judgemental people.

But I actually think it's a construct of something else. As long as it is not imposed on you, you say ... but doesn't that in fact apply to all kinds of sex you are not in the mood of having or in other ways experiencing? I know for instance that there's a whole lot of screwing going on in the retirement home a few blocks down. And I don't mind at all. Good for them that they can still get the groove on. That doesn't mean that I want to participate, or audit, or in other ways have thein sex life imposed on me. I don't think it's that much about sexual gender orientation as it is about sexual interrest orientation in general.

#L

 

[Halo_n_horns]

A pretty common attitude amongst level headed, non-judgemental people.

But I actually think it's a construct of something else. As long as it is not imposed on you, you say ... but doesn't that in fact apply to all kinds of sex you are not in the mood of having or in other ways experiencing? I know for instance that there's a whole lot of screwing going on in the retirement home a few blocks down. And I don't mind at all. Good for them that they can still get the groove on. That doesn't mean that I want to participate, or audit, or in other ways have thein sex life imposed on me. I don't think it's that much about sexual gender orientation as it is about sexual interrest orientation in general.

#L

Isn't that what I said? Just with more words?

 

[OhMissScarlett]

A pretty common attitude amongst level headed, non-judgemental people.

But I actually think it's a construct of something else. As long as it is not imposed on you, you say ... but doesn't that in fact apply to all kinds of sex you are not in the mood of having or in other ways experiencing? I know for instance that there's a whole lot of screwing going on in the retirement home a few blocks down. And I don't mind at all. Good for them that they can still get the groove on. That doesn't mean that I want to participate, or audit, or in other ways have thein sex life imposed on me. I don't think it's that much about sexual gender orientation as it is about sexual interrest orientation in general.

#L

Oh, come on! Is it the walkers with the tennis balls on them that turn you off?
If the shuffleboard room is rockin', don't come a knockin'.

 

[Liar]

Isn't that what I said? Just with more words?

Dunno. What you wrote sounded like most straight guys to me. And most straight guys tend to make a difference between gay sex and other kinds of sex they don't want to have.

Maybe not your intention, but that's how it read to me.

#L

 

[Liar]

Oh, come on! Is it the walkers with the tennis balls on them that turn you off?

No, but when I hear creaking, I want to be sure it's the bed springs.

 

[elsol]

What makes being a gay male something that needs to be 'understood'?

He's sexually attracted to guys... so? Isn't a majority of half our species attracted to guys?

I only need to understand that gay guys are useful... ladies, ask the gay guys how to make your man feel good, they can explain it from both ends!

Hey! I read lesbian porn for tips and romance novels... it's research... yeah that's it, research!

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[OhMissScarlett]

No, but when I hear creaking, I want to be sure it's the bed springs.

That's just my osteoporosis, baby.

sorry for the threadjack, back to the serious discussion.

p.s. I don't really have an exciting opinion.
As a raving bi-sexual, I can't understand why everyone can't just hump everyone.

 

[elsol]

As a raving bi-sexual, I can't understand why everyone can't just hump everyone.

TWICE the rejection... no, thank you!

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[OhMissScarlett]

TWICE the rejection... no, thank you!

Sincerely,
ElSol

No, you have to look at is as twice the opportunity to get laid.

 

[rgraham666]

I'll pass on the bisexuality thing, thanks.

Don't generally like men. As lovers, *GAG*.