Am I the only one?

[Yasashii_Kaze]

So I live alone again after being in a dorm setting for 2 1/2 years. Before I went to school, I had a place to myself and had trouble with panic attacks. I solved this by getting a kitten, so of course I thought the same solution would work now. It hasn't. The cat has had a bit of hard time settling in, but what has surprised me is my reaction to her. I'm having a hard time even liking her, which amazes me because I've always love animals, especially cats. I couldn't figure out why until I talked to a friend. He being the wise person he is, let me ramble. This is the the realization I came to. (Sorry about the bad grammar, but I just took it right out of the conversation.)

it's like i don't like her. actually, i don't and it sucks because i was so excited about getting her. instead of feeling less stressed with her, i'm more. WHY??? what is wrong with me??? i don't get it. i've never responded this way. it just makes me more lonely. there's no rational for the reason i feel this way. i'm alone. i've never felt more alone. she makes it worse. i can't substitute an animal for a relationship, not anymore. that's why i feel this way. THAT'S why i'm reacting this way. before, a cat was all i needed. i'm lonely, and i thought the cat would make that go away. but i've changed. i'm not a loner anymore. i've always been closer to animals than people, until now. it's not an animal i need. it's another human. someone to come home to. i need my Master. that's why i wanted to talk to Him so bad last night too. why i missed Him so much. no wonder i was confused. i've never felt this way.

So I've said all of that to say this. Is this normal? Has anyone else in a long distance D/s relationship experienced something like this? Please, someone, tell me I'm not going crazy!

 

[Byakuya]

Being lonely can be very tough. Animals make poor substitutes for human companionship. I don't think it's unusual for you to be feeling this way, especially when you're not used to being alone. Have you talked with your Master about how you feel? I'm sorry I don't really know of any advice to give you. I feel kinda bad for your cat though. It's just being a cat.

 

[myinnerslut]

{{HUG}} for you

and a

and a cookie for good measure


im also in a long distance D/s relationship, and i find i get extremely lonely at times. while it may be natural, it still sucks.

 

[Yasashii_Kaze]

He knows I miss Him. I cried to Him last night. I'm just not understanding why I've been content to live alone for the past 5 years even through other relationships, and all of a sudden when I'm in this one, I lose it. Does it have to do with the emotional depth of a D/s relationship? This is all so new to me.

 

[myinnerslut]

He knows I miss Him. I cried to Him last night. I'm just not understanding why I've been content to live alone for the past 5 years even through other relationships, and all of a sudden when I'm in this one, I lose it. Does it have to do with the emotional depth of a D/s relationship? This is all so new to me.

ive heard peole say that the emotional depth of a D/s relationship makes seperation harder,and ive heard people say the opposite. in my case, my relationship with Sir is the most serious relationship ive had to date, vanilla or otherwise. im not sure i would miss him any less if i was simply a girlfriend missing her boyfriend, instead of his puppy missing Sir.

 

[Inconsequential]

I'm just not understanding why I've been content to live alone for the past 5 years

I understand you've been on your own before, but you've just recently come out of a Dorm situation where I'm sure you weren't alone. It's almost a communal setting where there isn't a time someone else isn't there, or there isn't someone else to talk to. I have gone from a communal situation to on my own before and even tho I'm happy on my own I felt it. There's a natural need for companionship. And I agree, sometimes animals are great, but they don't replace the human touch.

Does it have to do with the emotional depth of a D/s relationship? This is all so new to me.

There could very well be something to your theory. I've heard that because of the trust needed in a D/s relationship they are deeper and more communicative than other relationships in comparison. It could be that you just desire the human element in your communication and in your world. I certainly have had slaves I've missed horridly even when they were away from me for just short periods of time.

 

[marieR19]

Unfortunately, I don't really have any advice, but I know how it feels to be lonely even though you have a pet with you. I'm sorry this is happening, I wish I knew a helpful answer. *hugs*


Heather

 

[shy slave]

Your not going crazy.

LDR plays havoc with emotions and feelings.

One phone call can leave you high and happy, but you come crashing down later when you realise that you still need his physical touch.

This is just my view, seen through my eyes, and having to live LDR for the foreseeable future.

Before you were involved in the rollercoaster fum of LDR a cat filled the gaps when you needed company. Prior to LDR, any relationships involved seeing them and knowing it was possible to see them without making huge travel plans.

Now all that has changed, so looking at the cat filling in the gaps isn't possible because the gaps have changed and you are learning to cope with a different situation. You are also very aware of why you have your cat, whereas before it was a part of the companionship in your life, not the main component. It is as if the cat symbolises everything you want (ie: him) and yet can't have,

My thoughts would say, step back and try not to focus on your issues with the cat. By fixing on it, it makes you feel bad about your feelings and yourself. Give yourself some time to adjust and relax into your new situation. It is really easy to be hard on yourself, you are not mad. It is the whole LDR thing that makes small issues seem like mountains.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

So I live alone again after being in a dorm setting for 2 1/2 years. Before I went to school, I had a place to myself and had trouble with panic attacks. I solved this by getting a kitten, so of course I thought the same solution would work now. It hasn't. The cat has had a bit of hard time settling in, but what has surprised me is my reaction to her. I'm having a hard time even liking her, which amazes me because I've always love animals, especially cats. I couldn't figure out why until I talked to a friend. He being the wise person he is, let me ramble. This is the the realization I came to. (Sorry about the bad grammar, but I just took it right out of the conversation.)

it's like i don't like her. actually, i don't and it sucks because i was so excited about getting her. instead of feeling less stressed with her, i'm more. WHY??? what is wrong with me??? i don't get it. i've never responded this way. it just makes me more lonely. there's no rational for the reason i feel this way. i'm alone. i've never felt more alone. she makes it worse. i can't substitute an animal for a relationship, not anymore. that's why i feel this way. THAT'S why i'm reacting this way. before, a cat was all i needed. i'm lonely, and i thought the cat would make that go away. but i've changed. i'm not a loner anymore. i've always been closer to animals than people, until now. it's not an animal i need. it's another human. someone to come home to. i need my Master. that's why i wanted to talk to Him so bad last night too. why i missed Him so much. no wonder i was confused. i've never felt this way.

So I've said all of that to say this. Is this normal? Has anyone else in a long distance D/s relationship experienced something like this? Please, someone, tell me I'm not going crazy!

you are not going crazy and i feel this everyday. i have my kids, but they don't stop the loneliness and my need to be with my Master, though my 5 year old does give the most wonderful hugs and makes me smile everytime i'm feeling down. but it doesn't replace the feeling of needing to have Master's arms around me. i sleep much better when Master is here, i feel better when Master is around, i am a better person when He is near me. i think you are human and need that human touch, you have someone you love dearly and cannot be with them 24/7. as i said i feel this way often. even in a room full of family or friends, i feel so lonely....it's normal....and not easy to deal with most of the time, but if there is no way to make it happen sooner you just have to get past it and go on and one day you will have what you need most, look forward to that time instead looking at how lonely you are. i know it's not easy, i live it everyday, but when i let it get the best of me is when my depression and that black hole start to surface and when that happens it takes alot to get back to where i should be, so i try to distract myself with other things, honestly Lit has helped alot.....just know you're not alone in your feelings and look forward to a time that you will have your Master sorry if i'm rambling but i too am feeling that loneliness right now and am trying to stay positive....

 

[lil_slave_rose]

He knows I miss Him. I cried to Him last night. I'm just not understanding why I've been content to live alone for the past 5 years even through other relationships, and all of a sudden when I'm in this one, I lose it. Does it have to do with the emotional depth of a D/s relationship? This is all so new to me.

i do think it may have alot to do with it, but regardless if you are in a D/s or 'nilla relationship ..if it's LD it's going to be hard and you are going to miss that person tremendously. i know not having Master around i feel like i'm not even me, i'm a shell, i'm existing, but only for that time that i can be in His arms again, then and only then, am i truly whole. have i ever felt this way about anyone else? no i haven't, and i know it's because Master and i have a deeper relationship on an emotional level than i've ever had with anyone, i don't know if this is because we are D/s or not, but i do know it sucks alot of the time, and my heart literally aches for Him.....

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Just being back 'home' makes everything feel empty. It is like I left everythign that matters behind. Yeah, I have My job here that I don't like. I have My car here, and My family...

But the one with whom I have chosen to sepnd My life, the one who makes Me happy is now 2253 miles away, and yet I came 'home'? This is no longer home to Me....

I understand your post completely yashashi, because I am there too....

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Go and see Gracie...she's passing out skittles now.

On a more serious note I will admit that it is difficult for many to live and be alone. Unfortunately it is not animals, or even Masters or subs which make us feel less alone. It is our general outlook on life and state of well-being which dictates out comfort level in this life. We came into this world alone and will leave it the same way. What's important is that you surround yourself with people and ideas which comfort no matter how temporarily. Plant something and watch it grow, read a good book, cook, call a friend, write in a journal, listen to music. When feeling lonely there are many ways to comfort one's self but it in't always easy to recognize what they are at first.

Good luck dear girl and try and not hold the kitty responsible for your misery. Look inside for you caregiver instincts and shower them on the little furball.

d

{{HUG}} for you

and a

and a cookie for good measure


im also in a long distance D/s relationship, and i find i get extremely lonely at times. while it may be natural, it still sucks.

 

[Etoile]

In my experience, whenever somebody asks "am I the only one?" the answer is always "no." You're not the only one who hopes a pet will be a good companion, and you're not the only one who finds that it's not enough. You are definitely not alone.

However, please do keep the cat for now. I am a strong believer in the "forever home" and I know it would cause mental distress for kitty if you gave her back to wherever you got her. I've had cats who were just sort of ornamental in the house, who I didn't have a great relationship with...but they always had a place with me, a safe home.

 

[Yasashii_Kaze]

*calls* Gracieeeeeeeeeee!

Seriously, though, thanks so much everyone for all your support. I'm overwhelmed by the outpouring of understanding from everyone. It's good to know I'm not imagining all this.

*edit* Oh, and Willow has settled in nicely. I do believe it's the beginning of a long friendship.

 

[Netzach]

I need more than a cat and the most wonderful submissive husband I could ever want.

I need friends, outside interests, places to go, and things to do and be curious about. I know that sounds snotty, but it's true, without those other things that sometimes feel secondary and are way way too easy to let slide when you are in an intense relationship, you do get boxed in to a very small box.

Don't neglect the less shiny stuff.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

*calls* Gracieeeeeeeeeee!

Seriously, though, thanks so much everyone for all your support. I'm overwhelmed by the outpouring of understanding from everyone. It's good to know I'm not imagining all this.

*edit* Oh, and Willow has settled in nicely. I do believe it's the beginning of a long friendship.

any time

I am going though something similar, where My home is no longer home... so I do feel what you are going though.

 

[BiBunny]

Here's Bunny's advice for being lonely. I have to take my own advice a lot because I'm often lonely. Distract yourself. Whatever it takes. Trust me when I say that sitting in front of the computer, or sitting in front of the TV, or sitting by the phone, or wherever, and dwelling on it just makes matters worse.

 

[Zinfandel]

Netzach's and BiBunny's advice is wise, and the busier you keep, the less time you have to feel lonely.

 

[Etoile]

Here's Bunny's advice for being lonely. I have to take my own advice a lot because I'm often lonely. Distract yourself. Whatever it takes. Trust me when I say that sitting in front of the computer, or sitting in front of the TV, or sitting by the phone, or wherever, and dwelling on it just makes matters worse.

I wholeheartedly agree with the "distract yourself" advice. For me, it happens when my wife goes to visit my Daddy...I spend the entire weekend in front of my laptop with the TV on. Playing games, chatting online, etc - they help distract me, and the TV adds another layer of that. I don't even go to sleep at a reasonable hour, because I'll lie awake thinking about being alone. Instead I just stay awake until I pass out from exhaustion which is usually between 2-4am. Not healthy perhaps, and not sustainable long term, but effective when I need it to be.

 

[tenedaveslilslut]

He knows I miss Him. I cried to Him last night. I'm just not understanding why I've been content to live alone for the past 5 years even through other relationships, and all of a sudden when I'm in this one, I lose it. Does it have to do with the emotional depth of a D/s relationship? This is all so new to me.

i feel the same way many times YK. i love my Master with everything i have and it is a love that i have not experienced before...ever. i find myself sad alot because i want to be with him...we are LDR--he in England, me in New York state. i long to be with Him 24/7 and hope that it happens alot sooner than later. But personally....i think it does have alot to do with the emotional depth of the love shared between two people in a D/s relationship. *hugs*

 

[Master_n_Mentor]

Great post. It makes Me feel very good seeing all the support O/our community is willing and able to give someone in need.

Blessings to you and warm thoughts going your way!!!

 

[Yasashii_Kaze]

Thanks everyone. It's tough finding things to distract myself in such a small town, but as soon as I get my easel and lights set up, I can start painting again. In the meantime, it means so much to me knowing that someone else understands what I'm going through.

 

[chris9]

If you came out of a dorm situation where you didn't feel as lonely (that's how I understood your first post), maybe you can look for someone to share an apartment with. It's not your PYL, but it's a human contact in your own home, someone to talk with when meeting in the kitchen, someone to fight with on who has to clean the bathroom, someone to just be there.

 

[Inconsequential]

If you came out of a dorm situation where you didn't feel as lonely (that's how I understood your first post), maybe you can look for someone to share an apartment with. It's not your PYL, but it's a human contact in your own home, someone to talk with when meeting in the kitchen, someone to fight with on who has to clean the bathroom, someone to just be there.

I can definitely agree with this opinion. It will give the human companionship, but also it would help on bills and let you save up money at a fast enough rate maybe you can save enough to go visit Master more often? Or at all. An animal can be great around the house, but it's not the answer to human contact.
good luck, everyone hates to be lonely.

 

[Toa_lin]

I understand completely. I too am in an LDR, and mroe often then not my arms ache to hold her, to just have her close. There was time I'd ahve been fine by myself... now I need her as mich as she needs me. It's a tough place to be in, yet at the same teim it's completely worth it.