Am I the only one out there?

[Dave-cp]

Hi, please allow me to first tell you a few things about myself & then I will lead into my discussion-question. I’m a 32-year old male born with a physical disability, Cerebral Palsy, which for a lifetime as limited me in many ways. Because of having CP, I’m unable to walk & have a speech impediment, however I’m very intelligent. Also, do to what I believe from a result of my CP, I had never been in an active intimate relationship with a woman, however I have had MANY MANY MANY crushes of girls, some whom I knew on a friendly/professional relationship level & others who were strangers to me. As a matter of fact, currently I’m attending school & I have secretly developed this strong & somewhat depressing crush on this one girl in class. Through her body language & the fact that she’s so much younger then I, I’ve sensed that she is totally disinterested in me even as or on a friendly level, so I try to respect her & don’t bother her. This is VERY hard for me because even though I sincerely don’t mean any harm & don’t want to be a bothered or an ass, I can’t seem to stop myself from glancing over at her from time to time during class.

O.K. sorry for rambling here, now let me get to my question. As far back as I can recall, my one & only sexual fantasies involves watching young-thin & attractive women going to the bathroom. Although, I HAVE HONESTLY NEVER secretly spied on any women, I do have this one video of women going to the bathroom, (HIDDDEN PEE Vol. 1 – GREAT VIDEO!!!) – just the thoughts, imageries, & visions of women using the toilet just totally arouses me to no avail. Sometimes my fantasies are very for-filling & rewarding to me, yet other times I totally HATE myself for knowing how I think/feel. If I fantasize about girls who I don’t know; maybe someone I see on the street or in the mall, etc that’s O.K. with me. On the other hand, if I fantasize about girls who I repeatedly see daily & really like them, when I see them I feel EXTREMELY guilty & shameful. A good example is with this young female in class (who’s not disabled), I’m at the point now where I hate to see her & cringed every time she is there or walks pass me.

From reading many of the BB’S here it appears that many of you are comfortable with your sexual fantasies & desires. The two questions I’m posing here:

1. Do any other guys get turn on JUST by the thoughts of women going to the bathroom & when/if guys do see a young attractive female enter into the ladies room do you become very anxious & uncomfortable with yourself?

2. In my mind (thick head) if I were to poll 100 women & get their opinion on whether or not I’m “perverted,?” I feel that 99% would firmly reply, “Yes.” I’m NOT comfortable nor like myself for this fact, yet I can’t changes my likings or sexual desires neither?


3. Are there any other videos out there SPECIFICALLY of this nature?

Thanks for you time & I welcome feedback.

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

First of all Hi and welcome to the board. Now I am not the kind to get turned on by people peeing but who knows you may find some out here do.
Have fun!

 

[insideShiraz]

Dave-cp

Hi and welcome,

I'm sure you're not alone and Literotica has the Webvoyeur that you might enjoy. There's a whole lot of peeking going on there, probably in the erotica section, too. I think just about everything is here.

insideShiraz

 

[Patryn]

I'm a woman, and I do not think you're perverted in the least. While I may not share your preference, I too have one that I wouldn't (can't) act out in real life, and it remains a fantasy that I cannot change, though I'm not proud of it perse. You're somewhat more lucky...you may one day find someone who shares your fetish and fantasy with you and may be willing to experiment.

If you want to find related sites or videos, just try doing a simple search on any search engine. You'll have to wade through a lot of junk, but you may find something to your liking. I am of course assuming that you haven't already tried that.

 

[Dave-cp]

Thanks for all of your input

To Bonnie Wee Lassie,insideShiraz, & Patryn

I wanted to kindly thank you all for being so nice & respondig to my post. Unfortunately, you three were the only ones, maybe it's because I'm unknown, or maybe I was too forward & innappropriate? What I'm finding to be even more disturbing to me is that I posted this same message at, http://www.Webvoyeur.com message board & didn't receive one reply.

Do you think that it would be wrong of me to repost this message again maybe in a few weeks again -- seeing if I'll get anymore input?

Thanks again & take care,
Dave

 

[KillerMuffin]

You aren't weird or pervo in the least. Can't help you with the pee thing, though you can try richardsrealm.com, thats how I found literotica, which I vastly prefer.

Disabled without whining and crying cause members of the opposite sex don't like you, or cause life ain't fair. That is soooooooo cool. I have epilepsy, I wanna be just like you when I grow up.

It is perfectly natural to develop crushes and fantasize about people. You have nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. It is obvious that to you, these are just fantasies and you have no intentions of forcing them on the object of your fantasy. I do it all the time, though I do feel rather embarassed about the whole ponch thing... and theres the whole powerwagon thing thats just one huge shame... but anyway.

No one can see inside your head. She can't read your fantasies on your face, though she may be aware you like her. Next time you pass her, instead of looking away in shame, smile and say hi, just like you would to anyone else. You shouldn't be ashamed just cause you're human. Like you said, you're intelligent. People have a fear of disabled people because they look different, it makes them uncomfortable and they have no idea how to behave. You may never be more than casual acquaintances, but it's nice to have people to say hi to.

[Edited by KillerMuffin on 09-04-2000 at 06:35 PM]

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

You may want to post in the how to section on how to find videos on your turn ons you may get some replies there. Don't worry about your respose rate and your not a pervert we all have our turn ons. At least your honest about it.

 

[Bobtoad777]

http://www.link-o-rama.com
or
http://greenguy2000.com

has a massive section on water sports ie girls peeing

 

[Skibum]

Welcome, dave-cp. Just jump right in with the rest of us perverts here and enjoy the site. We don't see much of your particular interest here, but something may turn up. I don't remember the title, but there was a story that featured golden showers posted sometime back. If I can remember the title I will post it on this thread for you.

 

[Skitten]

Welcome to the board sorry I can't help you much here maybe try the how to section.

 

[Unclebill]

Welcome, Dave-cp

As to your question regarding perversity, a lot of the self-righteous will call you so. I consider it an aberration but we all have those. Yours is different from mine and hers and his. You're just honest about yours and I respect honesty above most (if not all) things. What do we have if not our own integrity?

As to your feelings of guilt about your fantasies, I believe it is a misuse of guilt. Save the guilt for something bad you do. Fantasy is not bad. Sometimes, acting out on a fantasy may be (depending on the fantasy, e. g., I know a few people who I'd like to run through a trash compactor) though certainly not always.

You have no basis I can see for guilt. You have not invaded anyone's privacy. You have not tried to force on anyone something they didn't want. Apply KillerMuffin's advice and speak politely to her. Perhaps there's some potential there you don't realize. Maybe she thinks you're too stodgy and distant. Even if she doesn't respond, someone else may.

originally posted by KillerMuffin
Like you said, you're intelligent. People have a fear of disabled people because they look different, it makes them uncomfortable and they have no idea how to behave. You may never be more than casual acquaintances, but it's nice to have people to say hi to.

I think many times it is more guilt than fear, guilt from the perspective that "I'm glad I don't have to contend with that much complication in my life. I don't think I could handle it.", feeling a desire to help or console and not knowing how to do either.

So enjoy your fantasies and smile and say "Hi," to the lady of your dreams (and others, too). Many times the effort you offer to be cordial is repaid many times over.

 

[Whispersecret]

Don't worry about the non-response issue. I think almost everyone worries that no one will post on their new thread. I've started a number of threads, and think about that every single time. (What if no one answers? Egad! The shame!!!)

Give it more than a day, and relax. Sometimes I just don't have anything to contribute to the thread. It doesn't mean I don't like the person who started it or am not interested in the topic.

As to your fetish, I am aware that there are people who enjoy water sports, but I'm not one of them. Since you asked, I'll even go so far to say, with all due respect, that I think it's pretty weird. Not bad, mind you, just strange.

I don't know if it's possible to willfully change what turns you on. You might want to consider seeing a psychologist, if you don't like that aspect of yourself. I've seen a counselor (for my marriage) and found it to be invaluable, but psychotherapy isn't for everyone. I wish you good luck, Dave.