Am I really that cynical?

[Calamity Jane]

Are you the type of person that lets little things get to them and get them down?

An offhand remark by a friend keeps replaying in your head for days as you analyze exactly what they meant?

A look from a professor makes you feel like he thinks you're the world's biggest dumbass?

Someone calling you an idiot actually makes you question whether or not you are an idiot?

It works both ways too...

A guy says you look beautiful, and you suddenly feel more attractive?

A professor says "Great Job" and you feel smarter and more able to take on your other classes that day.

A guy smiles at you and you begin playing scenarios in your head that take off from that smile and lead to just about anywhere.

I know people like that here and offline, and I must be honest, I just don't get it. I don't understand how the opinions of others can so affect the way we live our lives. I haven't been affected in any profound way by someone elses actions since I was in college. Is it an age thing? Am I just too cynical for words?

 

[ithaqua]

Ok, that's insecure.

When do we get to the cynical part?

 

[intrigued]

You just described me, most of the time. Though it doesn't effect how I live my life, it does effect my mood.

I don't know that its age related, or that it means you are too cynical. I think it shows a certain sensitivity and caring about how others see you, about how you express and present yourself, and that you care if you are understood...if that makes any sense?
I don't like being this way, except for the fact that it goes hand in hand with compassion. I know how it feels, and it makes me careful of how I express myself to others, and very careful to be sure they understand what I mean.

 

[Calamity Jane]

I suppose they cynicism lies in not letting people affect me at all. I put very little value on what people say or do, as far as how it's going to affect me.

A perfect example is people who are upset by outside forces... something someone said or did... and then expect to be made happy again by outside forces... people saying or doing something.

I don't get it. When people try to say nice things, I tend to assume that they're being patronizing... if they're saying rude things, I assume they're taking their own insecurities out on me.

Perhaps cynicism was the wrong word.

 

[CoolidgEffect]

Hi Gorgeous,

The extremes are bad, but there is nothing wrong with someone saying your beautiful putting an extra spring in your step.

 

[Jim_Henson]

I'd fuck ya

(Yeah, like thats patronizing)

Nah, you are just intelligent enough to make your own decisions.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Hi Gorgeous,

The extremes are bad, but there is nothing wrong with someone saying your beautiful putting an extra spring in your step.

True, but that goes back to Mouse's thread on physical insults. I mentioned compliments there. They really mean very little unless I have some familiarity with the person dishing them.

 

[intrigued]

We're complex critters, huh? I'm like an onion, layers and layers, and its mostly contradictions.

Again, you remind me of me. I don't know why I put myself through it, because in the end, what they think really doesn't matter, I do what I want to do, and live in the way that is right for me. But it can hurt, and it can shape my mood because I want to know "why?". I am honest enough with myself that if there is truth to it, I will see it and do what I have to do.

 

[Calamity Jane]

I'd fuck ya

(Yeah, like thats patronizing)

Nah, you are just intelligent enough to make your own decisions.

See my post above, Mr Smartass.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Ok, it's like when someone is getting shredded on this board. And then invariably someone posts that that person is emotionally fragile and if she kills herself, we'll have blood on our hands, and blah blah blah.

Can anyone explain to me how words that someone types have the power to even upset us beyond a quick thought of "Oh, you're such an asshole" let alone actually make someone contemplate death?

 

[CoolidgEffect]

True, but that goes back to Mouse's thread on physical insults. I mentioned compliments there. They really mean very little unless I have some familiarity with the person dishing them.

Okay, I agree. If the person doesn't know you from Adam (or Eve as the case maybe) then their opinion is founded on nothing but thin air. But you did mention comments by friends. Plus it is intuitively obvious to the most casual observer that you were stunning in your ball gown.

 

[Wiggles]

.

 

[Jim_Henson]

See my post above, Mr Smartass.

I'm trying to work out whether you actually believe me or not, Miss Fork

 

[Hamletmaschine]

I think it's called "maturity," not cynicism, PCG.

You're not a coldhearted bitch. You're just old.

 

[intrigued]

Ok, it's like when someone is getting shredded on this board. And then invariably someone posts that that person is emotionally fragile and if she kills herself, we'll have blood on our hands, and blah blah blah.

Can anyone explain to me how words that someone types have the power to even upset us beyond a quick thought of "Oh, you're such an asshole" let alone actually make someone contemplate death?

While words are indeed powerful, there HAS to be more to it than this?
Since I don't know what you are referring to, its hard to say much more.

Personally, no one can make me contemplate death.

 

[Guest]

Can anyone explain to me how words that someone types have the power to even upset us beyond a quick thought of "Oh, you're such an asshole" let alone actually make someone contemplate death?

It would take too long to explain here. Meet me for breakfast and I'll tell ya.

 

[peachykeen]

Can anyone explain to me how words that someone types have the power to even upset us beyond a quick thought of "Oh, you're such an asshole" let alone actually make someone contemplate death?

The internet is a big, wide, weird space; who knows what the hell people are thinking. If you are talking with someone face to face, after a few seconds, you might get the feeling "whoa, this guy's really unbalanced, uh oh", whereas on the net it might take longer to get a sense of someone's fragility - you think you're dealing with someone who is 'normal' and can put things into perspective, but noooooo....

 

[Olivianna]

I'm cynical AND insecure.

 

[Jim_Henson]

It would take too long to explain here. Meet me for breakfast and I'll tell ya.

You aren't leaving me in bed to have breakfast with her. Breakfast in bed with me will do fine.

 

[Calamity Jane]

But you did mention comments by friends. Plus it is intuitively obvious to the most casual observer that you were stunning in your ball gown.

Of course. And when all the men at the ball were falling all over themselves for a chance to dance with me, I blushed as a lady should. But it didn't make me feel more beautiful, it simply reinforced my own confidence.

 

[Calamity Jane]

I think it's called "maturity," not cynicism, PCG.

You're not a coldhearted bitch. You're just old.

I'm old??? ME??? Hah. I'm just a wee lass.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Maybe you just have your own complete, formed decisions about yourself to the point where you don't take heed of any outside interferences?

Maybe that's it.

 

[Guest]

You aren't leaving me in bed to have breakfast with her. Breakfast in bed with me will do fine.

Twist my arm.

 

[Calamity Jane]

It would take too long to explain here. Meet me for breakfast and I'll tell ya.

Your bed or mine?

Ohhhh wait... Cheffie's in the bed too? Who has time for breakfast?

 

[Calamity Jane]

I'm trying to work out whether you actually believe me or not, Miss Fork

Oh, I believe you. I know I'm really really smart.