Am I getting the wrong impression here?

[MrHazee]

You see, the thing is, I definitely like reading femdom stories. Guess it's something about women in leather. However, I keep reading stuff from people in the BDSM community that submission is all about love.

And a lot of these femdom stories just don't seem all that loving. Honestly, it just seems that in all of these stories, the guys are humiliated and beaten by these women who claim to love them.

On the other hand, femdom stories where the sub is female have a much sweeter tone, as well as mandom stories where the sub is female.

So, am I completely off here? Because it just seems that the female subs are seeing a lot more of the love and attention here. I get the pleasure of being a sub should be in giving pleasure to your dom, but if your giving up control over your own life, an "I love you" wouldn't kill anyone.

Also, if anyone would like to point me to some nicer, more romantic femdom stories, please do so. I'd love for my assumptions to be incorrect, but it just really doesn't seem that way.

 

[FungiUg]

There are no hard and fast rules about this stuff (despite what other people may claim to the contrary.) Basically, you need to find what works for you. Which when all is said and done, is pretty much true of any relationship.

I don't see any reason why a female Dominant and male submissive can't have a loving relationship. And I suspect there are several cases of people on this very board who would fall into that category.

Stories, on the other hand, are written as fantasies; they may be individual or they may be written for a target audience. You may or may not find the ones you are seeking.

Perhaps if you're not finding the stories you want, you should consider writing some of your own? I know many authors have started writing precisely for this reason. JRR Tolkien springs to mind.

 

[Aeroil]

Try this one
http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=181531
Yeah for some reason the loving femdom stories are less common, dunno why.

 

[crazyivan]

My Mistress and I have a loving relationship. I know that she truly loves me and cares greatly for me. She does show this and tells me quite often that she loves me.

When we do a scene though, it may include humilation or beatings. That is just something that we both like. That seems to be what you are seeing in the stories. Most of these stories are meant to be fantasies and meant to be very sexual in nature.

Femdom with male submissves relationships can be just as caring as anyother relationship out there

 

[Marquis]

It's a social thing that pisses me off to no end.

Here's an example. I was shopping with my sub the other day and talking to a sales assistant when my subs interrupted me. I hushed her and told her to go stand in the corner. I was 50% being a goofball, 30% getting an erotic thrill out of bossing her around like that in public and 20% showing her that I do not appreciate it when she interrupts me while I'm speaking to someone.

Regardless of our relationship or my motivation, the sales assistant (a hispanic lady) was horrified and ran to my sub immediately and began saying she wanted to deal with her and that she shouldn't put up with such an abusive man.

If it had happened in reverse the woman would have at best been thrilled and at worst thought I was pussy-whipped, which is usually seen as more of a funny thing than a truly offensive thing anyhow.

 

[Aeroil]

It's a social thing that pisses me off to no end.

Here's an example. I was shopping with my sub the other day and talking to a sales assistant when my subs interrupted me. I hushed her and told her to go stand in the corner. I was 50% being a goofball, 30% getting an erotic thrill out of bossing her around like that in public and 20% showing her that I do not appreciate it when she interrupts me while I'm speaking to someone.

Regardless of our relationship or my motivation, the sales assistant (a hispanic lady) was horrified and ran to my sub immediately and began saying she wanted to deal with her and that she shouldn't put up with such an abusive man.

If it had happened in reverse the woman would have at best been thrilled and at worst thought I was pussy-whipped, which is usually seen as more of a funny thing than a truly offensive thing anyhow.

Why should you be 50% kidding? interrupting the great Marquis takes an undesirably huge amount of audacity, no sub should have that.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, you have obviously been missing the stories here you are seeking. If you go to the Shameless Plug thread in the Cafe forum, you will find a couple of recommendations I have made there of writers on Lit (barbarian queen is one...aka barbarian queen 2 whose Silence series is worth following ) who write beautifully from a Domme angle and with the sensitivity and emotion you are seeking as well as an actual storyline and not just jerk off material. Happy reading.

Catalina

 

[TaintedB]

It's a social thing that pisses me off to no end.

Here's an example. I was shopping with my sub the other day and talking to a sales assistant when my subs interrupted me. I hushed her and told her to go stand in the corner. I was 50% being a goofball, 30% getting an erotic thrill out of bossing her around like that in public and 20% showing her that I do not appreciate it when she interrupts me while I'm speaking to someone.

Regardless of our relationship or my motivation, the sales assistant (a hispanic lady) was horrified and ran to my sub immediately and began saying she wanted to deal with her and that she shouldn't put up with such an abusive man.

If it had happened in reverse the woman would have at best been thrilled and at worst thought I was pussy-whipped, which is usually seen as more of a funny thing than a truly offensive thing anyhow.

I hope that your submissive very cuttingly and coldly told the salesclerk to get her big nose out of something that was none of her business? If this ever happens again, I would suggest she add, "If you don't stop talking to me this instant I am going to slap you so hard across your fat mouth that you see stars..." but not actually follow through or she might be slapped with some sort of bizarre publicity generating lawsuit. I could just see News of the Weird getting hold of that one: "Woman ordered to stand in corner in retail store bitchslaps rescuer."

I had something similar happen to me once. My dominant was absolutely serious and very stern about it because, to my deep embarassment, the vanilla lady kept insisting upon talking to me _about him_ as if he weren't there. It wasn't in fun and I was pretty shocked and mortified by his sharp response. Also very angry at that stupid rude woman. But I got over the shock and learned an important lesson--nothing that could be applied in general as all dominants are differently demanding, but certainly something I needed to do with him.

 

[TaintedB]

LOL, you have obviously been missing the stories here you are seeking. If you go to the Shameless Plug thread in the Cafe forum, you will find a couple of recommendations I have made there of writers on Lit (barbarian queen is one...aka barbarian queen 2 whose Silence series is worth following ) who write beautifully from a Domme angle and with the sensitivity and emotion you are seeking as well as an actual storyline and not just jerk off material. Happy reading.

Catalina

Agree with Catalina! I could post a couple story archive links too (a couple? heh!) of the hard to women variety, but I take it femsub fiction isn't actually your cup of tea? Just where are you finding all these boring femsub stories, anyway? I certainly don't write that sort of stuff, or I'd put people to sleep rather than get them off.

Which brings up an important point: fiction is a bit different then reality, to put it mildy, and people write erotic fiction to make themselves and others horny, so the stories tend to be far more extreme emotionally and physically than real life encounters are. Again, I don't make a distinction in this between fiction featuring male subs and that featuring female subs, I guess because I know what keywords to use to get the hard-on-females stuff and so I never see much of the soft stuff.

In general, femsub fiction written by dominants or wannabe dominants may be a bit softer than femsub fiction written by submissives because there's this motivation sometimes in the doms "not to scare the women off." And it's a realistic motivation, I guess, although I don't understand at all the concept of censoring your self expression and fantasies, even if you are desperate and think this is the only way you can meet the kinky chicks. A lot of women new to bdsm do profess to be scairdy cats, whether they actually are or not.

I guess there might be a sexist attitude at work too, that stupid "men can take anything and women are delicate flowers" myth.

 

[Marquis]

I hope that your submissive very cuttingly and coldly told the salesclerk to get her big nose out of something that was none of her business? If this ever happens again, I would suggest she add, "If you don't stop talking to me this instant I am going to slap you so hard across your fat mouth that you see stars..."

Actually, this would've really impressed me, but it did not occur. I hope that one day she could get to the point where she is comfortable enough with out style of relationship that she could do that. It would mean a lot to me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I guess there might be a sexist attitude at work too, that stupid "men can take anything and women are delicate flowers" myth.

LOL, well reading a couple of the stories I have written (something like Transcendently Yours) would challenge that myth as well as the one that females write in a more romantic, softer style. LOL, I get told every now and then I write too sadistically...usually by female subs who feel the submissive is there to be worshipped and have her needs met tirelessly by the Dominant.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Actually, this would've really impressed me, but it did not occur. I hope that one day she could get to the point where she is comfortable enough with out style of relationship that she could do that. It would mean a lot to me.

It would be good, though perhaps in a way which was firm and educational at the same time. The sales clerk had good intentions.....the domestic abuse stats are through the roof.....but like many she reacts in a way which if it were really a DV situation, could actually increase the danger to the victim and perhaps herself.

Catalina

 

[rakastuja]

I have read F/m -stories with very caring and sweet tone.

I apologize if Im wrong but it seems to me that those writing just hard and abusing F/m stories tend to be men who focus more on actions than the actual feelings and reasons behind the actions. Im in impression that most dominant women dont want a broken slave or door mat as result but more like a "knight" who adores and worships them.

Also many hard and non-concent style M/f stories seem to be in rape category rather than BDSM.

 

[serijules]

Good grief...I would find it more odd if someone DIDN'T comment on someone treating another human being like that in public (sent to stand in a corner or being harshly reprimended verbally). Lets face it people, vanilla's are not going to understand the dynamics of that the way the people involved will, at all. To expect them to is absurd, and that type of treatment to a vanilla person would be every bit the warning signs of an abusive relationship. Was it her business to comment on? Maybe not. But at least she had the decency to CARE! She wasn't seeing a dominant chastining his submissive (and rightfully so)...she was seeing a jerk of a guy treating his girlfriend like shit. If you are gonna display your kink in public, you need to take responsibility for how others will interpret it in my opinion. Not to say you should censor yourself and "protect" the innocent bystanders, but at least be aware of how you will likely come across to them and be prepared to accept and understand their reactions, correct or not.

Anyhow, back on topic...I have found humiliation to be more of an interest with male submissives than female, which is why I think more femdom stories involve tales of humiliation and being used. I know quite a few male subs...almost all of them are into some aspect of humuliation, some of them to the extreme. I don't personally know any female submissives that are into humiliation *shrugs*. Not sure why, but that's my experience in the matter.

I think also that FemDoms are more likely to run into "horny net geeks" and posers, as this also seems to be a lot more common amoung male submissives. Most Femme's I know are very cautious about interacting with new male subs as they run into so many that are just looking for a way to wank off. That stern, no-nonsense attitude may stem from that somewhat as well.

 

[Netzach]

What seri said... as annoying as it is for our little fantasy lives we live in the real world in which we are a distinct minority - I've worked in retail and I probably would have had a very adverse reaction to that dynamic, even being a pervert, not even so much in terms of rescuing the woman in question but because I'm not comfortable around it in my workplace and I don't have to pretend to be. Just like I'm not comfrotable with the fetishistic crossdresser who wants to whack off in the dressing room, but the matter of fact crossdresser who just wants to try on a bra is something else.

You may think that I can just run around chastising every one of my boys because of feminist backlash, Marquis, but the truth is, it doesn't work that way, waitstaff is not going to just sit there and chuckle if I make my guy eat off a plate off the floor, other diners are not going to think "boy is he whipped" and not "wow, that's making me uncomfortable."

I don't have a fetish for making *myself* look like an ass and I never assume that the world outside is going to keep up with my lifestyle choices or sexual thrills. It doesn't, it won't, and in my opinion, it should not have to. I'm free to do what I want more or less behind closed doors, if I'm going to take it to the streets, I am subject to what the world can handle and I'm certainly not surprised when I get pushed back. As long as that doesn't involve threats to my person, the world and I can get along ok.

As to the question, my relationships are rather loving and mellow a lot of the time, however that doesn't mean the participants don't have fascinations with darker, more demented interests. When I think in terms of fiction, fantasy and the realm of the erotic, the images conjured are sometimes very affectionate and sometimes not at all. I find humiliation and verbal abuse and intense pain erotic, they are part of my erotic landscape, and when I write fiction they often factor in. I think you also have to factor in that a lot of F/m is written by m's and it's going to be responsive to what m's find erotic, which is often fairly extreme.

 

[shy slave]

It's a social thing that pisses me off to no end.

Here's an example. I was shopping with my sub the other day and talking to a sales assistant when my subs interrupted me. I hushed her and told her to go stand in the corner. I was 50% being a goofball, 30% getting an erotic thrill out of bossing her around like that in public and 20% showing her that I do not appreciate it when she interrupts me while I'm speaking to someone.

Regardless of our relationship or my motivation, the sales assistant (a hispanic lady) was horrified and ran to my sub immediately and began saying she wanted to deal with her and that she shouldn't put up with such an abusive man.

If it had happened in reverse the woman would have at best been thrilled and at worst thought I was pussy-whipped, which is usually seen as more of a funny thing than a truly offensive thing anyhow.

I laughed so much when I read this, for so many reasons...

someone interupting Marquis is top of the list,
then putting your sub in her place,
then the sales woman!!!

Oh i wish I had been there, your sub is lucky you did not make her kneel and beg forgiveness.

Thanks Marquis that has really made my day x

 

[Marquis]

In response to all the above, I don't expect the vanilla world to be understanding of my relationship, but I hardly think making your sub eat off the floor is comparable to my situation Netz.

She interrupted me.

I put my hand up and she stopped talking immediately.

I said, "baby, you know I don't like it when you interrupt me, now go stand in the corner, you're on time out."

Now, any normal onlooker would've laughed at our silliness. My sub was smirking and certainly didn't have the shamed look of an abusee on her face. We're a very playful couple and make jokes like this all the time. The truth is I offended this poor lady's (who probably came from a culture where this sort of thing is done seriously) sensibilities and she took it upon herself to be a feminist crusader without having either the proper information or authority.


If my sub pisses me off at the fetish club I grab her by her hair and bite her cheek, her chin or her neck. Hard.

If she pisses me off at home, things are much worse.

But if I so much as consider correcting her in public, even in the most lighthearted of manners, I have to contend with the scorn of anyone who thinks they have a blue, red and yellow S on their chest and it's fucking bullshit. Hell, half the time I don't even have to correct her. If she so much as tries to apologize to me for something she knows will upset me, she's got a gang of people looking at her like a battered wife.

What's so wrong about a woman being submissive?

 

[Netzach]

That's a very different visual from your first description, you know. It's a lot more socially suave and less ew.

You probably nailed the source of the saleswoman's discomfort, so there you go, you have a context for it.

It's not ok for a woman to be submissive... and it's not ok for a woman to be pushy and directed either, people have a LOT to say about that... it's a lose-lose, in my experience, the classic virgin/whore entrapment in another guise.

Of course, it probably is different for me when out with my girls. Most people will not admit that that might be a relationship, let alone become critical of the dynamic that it has, and I can always administer reprimands when sneaking into the same bathroom stall.

 

[FungiUg]

Submissive women are way too much fun, so obviously there must be SOMETHING wrong with them!

Get with the whole victorian morals! You know you want to...

 

[Aeroil]

Submissive women are way too much fun, so obviously there must be SOMETHING wrong with them!

Get with the whole victorian morals! You know you want to...

liar, they are not

oh wait that's just me.......

 

[Marquis]

That's a very different visual from your first description, you know. It's a lot more socially suave and less ew.

You expected less?

Netzy, baby...

 

[rakastuja]

Well since this thread seems to be offtopic...

Telling someone to go wait in corner is public display of power you have in that relationship - even if you would do it in a very nice tone.

Someone seeing that situation cant necessarily make difference between concent, loving BDSM relationship and just abusive, women hating asshole. Lets face it, quite big part of people out there dont even know much about the first so they are far more likely to see latter.

I have hard time seeing her as "bad feminist crusader"... I think its quite rare that someone even dares to act when seeing something wrong in this world. Usually we just try to look elsewhere and think its not our business.

 

[jasonlf]

Well since this thread seems to be offtopic...

Telling someone to go wait in corner is public display of power you have in that relationship - even if you would do it in a very nice tone.

Someone seeing that situation cant necessarily make difference between concent, loving BDSM relationship and just abusive, women hating asshole. Lets face it, quite big part of people out there dont even know much about the first so they are far more likely to see latter.

I have hard time seeing her as "bad feminist crusader"... I think its quite rare that someone even dares to act when seeing something wrong in this world. Usually we just try to look elsewhere and think its not our business.

I think the point they were making is that it's none of their damn business.

Think of the scenarios:

1) It's a consenting relationship. The cashier has just stuck her nose in someone elses business, and made an ass of herself -- not to mention possibly embarrassing the couple.

2) It's an abusive relationship. The abuser gets pissed at the abusee for making him look like an ass in the store, and beats her when they get home.

Yeah, people are better off MINDING THEIR OWN DAMN BUSINESS.

 

[rakastuja]

Yeah, people are better off MINDING THEIR OWN DAMN BUSINESS.

Maybe.. personally I find it disturbing when reading for example from news how someone gets beated in public place, screams for help but people just walk away.

Maybe a wife of abusive asshole gets beated when back at home but does it make much difference to her normal situation? Or would it maybe make a difference if everyone would make it their business if someone treats others badly on their property/public places?

I dont promote "dont care others" policy though it and cynism seem to be main religions nowadays.

 

[Marquis]

What about the staunchly conservative or religious person who feels a responsibilty to say something about a homosexual couple, or an inter-racial couple?