Am I destined to be a virgin forever?

[starrkers]

The trolls interrupt me. They are filling my inbox with email. I seem to have an uncanny knack for speaking to them. My story talks to them right where they live. Under every rock. I am the Pied Piper of trolls.

Suddenly the trolls are gone. A harp begins to play. A beautiful angel wearing a glowing golden halo and diaphanous white gown descends towards me riding on a little white cloud. It is the angel starrkers. She tells me wonderfully soothing things. She says that she read my story, and it is good. She says that she will read more of my stories, once I have written them. Utter peace envelopes me. Then she ascends back into the sky.

I return her kindness by reading her stories. They are beautifully told and in a wide variety of genres. Her literary skill and versatility leave me spellbound and awestruck.

Then I realize that I have developed this bizarre fetish. An uncontrollable urge for headless legless women.

I've been called many things, but never an angel!
And now you're making me blush

 

[CharleyH]

ee - Ai - Oh - Yikes.

 

[glynndah]

Welcome, i812! *sparkle*
Want to go for a ride in my bubble?

 

[i812]

Welcome, i812! *sparkle*
Want to go for a ride in my bubble?

I'll try about anything. Six times.

 

[cloudy]

Aaniin, i182....aaniish naa?

 

[SlickTony]

I thought it was 50.

 

[TE999]

Your profile indicates: Location: I Have No Fuckin' Idea

It is the same for me. I just picked Florida. LOL

Are half the wackjobs on this site from Florida?

Welcum to the AH, always glad to see another person with a number in their handle (LOL).

I notice your cherry busted.

Did it hurt?

Was it good for you too?

Got a cigarette?

Okay, I'll drive you home.

Of course I'll respect you in the morning (snerk).

 

[Guest]

Ah, dang it.

I missed the de-virgin party.



Welcome, i812!

 

[TE999]

Ah, dang it.

I missed the de-virgin party.



Welcome, i812!

Then there's the instant replay (grin).

 

[Guest]

Then there's the instant replay (grin).

Oooh.

I like playing.

 

[TE999]

Oooh.

I like playing.

The line forms behind me, sweetness.

But you can jump ahead if you like.

Voulez-voux leapfrog?

 

[Guest]

The line forms behind me, sweetness.

But you can jump ahead if you like.

Voulez-voux leapfrog?

Actually, my legs are tired, knees are wobbly. Overdid at the gym.

I may have to sit.

 

[jnubbs]

I am a virgin

NO really I am.....self love is safe...

 

[TE999]

Actually, my legs are tired, knees are wobbly. Overdid at the gym.

I may have to sit.

Aw, now don't throw me a line like that sweet.

But I've got a smile on my face and if you like...

 

[Guest]

Aw, now don't throw me a line like that sweet.

But I've got a smile on my face and if you like...

I have no comment.

 

[TE999]

I have no comment.

Whoops, my bad.

(prepares to dig hole deeper)

 

[Guest]

Whoops, my bad.

(prepares to dig hole deeper)

Oh, no - no worries. No hole necessary.

I wasn't offended, I was laughing.

I just didn't know what to say next.

 

[TE999]

Oh, no - no worries. No hole necessary.

I wasn't offended, I was laughing.

I just didn't know what to say next.

Whew!

Thanks for the kiss.

Well, you could say... darn it, now I'm laughing.

You're okay, sarahh!

 

[Guest]

Whew!

Thanks for the kiss.

Well, you could say... darn it, now I'm laughing.

You're okay, sarahh!

So are you.



(It's late - I'm off - goodnight!)

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Just as I am about to click the quote button, Lauren Hynde will post something. I get totally distracted.

I don't post that often. You're just a procrastinator. We don't like your kind around here. Nope, no procrastinators. The Author's Hangout is a self-declared procrastination-free area.

 

[i812]

I don't post that often. You're just a procrastinator. We don't like your kind around here. Nope, no procrastinators. The Author's Hangout is a self-declared procrastination-free area.

My public apology. It will never happen again.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

That's OK. You're new, there was no way for you to know.

 

[cloudy]

My public apology. It will never happen again.

Oh, see - you should have put off apologizing.

Didn't you get a handbook?

 

[Lisa Denton]

Oh, see - you should have put off apologizing.

Didn't you get a handbook?

AH Handbook

Rule 23445623
Subsection 7253542553

Never apologize.

If accidental apologization occurs:
Break glass
Remove fire extinquisher
Pull pin
Point at screen
Spray liberally on Cloudy and Lauren Hyndes behinds
Ooops, I mean on thier AV's
Hide under your desk until fire danger is over

(Lisa runs away laffin)

 

[cloudy]

AH Handbook

Rule 23445623
Subsection 7253542553

Never apologize.

If accidental apologization occurs:
Break glass
Remove fire extinquisher
Pull pin
Point at screen
Spray liberally on Cloudy and Lauren Hyndes behinds
Ooops, I mean on thier AV's
Hide under your desk until fire danger is over

(Lisa runs away laffin)

You forgot the part where we tackle you before you even get running good, and then we all have messy, fire extinguisher sex.