i812
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2005
- Posts
- 129
Please let me explain my problem.
I assure you that I know it takes 30 posts to bust my cherry.
But the avatars are preventing me from posting.
Just as I am about to click the quote button, Lauren Hynde will post something. I get totally distracted. Do I see it? Naw. Well, maybe. I ended up going to the ophthalmologist to get a new prescription. I paid $350 for a pair of glasses and I looked at her avatar again. I still can't tell.
As I again reach for the mouse, Boxlicker101 beats me to it. I am so afraid for that poor girl. Let her go! She is going to have a stroke! You are in imminent jeopardy of becoming a necrophiliac. I can hardly stand to watch.
Suddenly, S-Des posts. Smut Whisperer? S-Des I... S-Des. S-Des. S-Des. O, God! O, God! O, God! S-DES!
Before I can recover, Lisa Denton comments. Oh, you. Oh, you naughty, naughty girl.
TE999's avatar will appear. Do you know what that does to my imagination? Do ya? Do ya? I'll do ya!
The posts seem to come faster and faster.
Jenny_Jackson pops up on my screen. She is an original if I have ever seen one. I try not to criticize, but Jenny you need to forget about this coy reserved act that you put on. Tell it like it is. Go for the throat. Be blunt. Are you the psycho bitch or not?
The thought of what she could do with that twelve inch finger--it sends shivers through me.
At this point, invariably something altogether different occurs.
Red shoes appear. It is Vermilion. It's not the shoes, it is her enormous intellect. Her positive outlook. Her sparkling personality. Her wit. I picture her as the Venus de Milo, except with both arms. Then she tells me that she is average looking. She offers to PM me with proof. I become so confused. Do I want average, or do I want the Venus de Milo? The Venus de Milo, or average?
The trolls interrupt me. They are filling my inbox with email. I seem to have an uncanny knack for speaking to them. My story talks to them right where they live. Under every rock. I am the Pied Piper of trolls.
Suddenly the trolls are gone. A harp begins to play. A beautiful angel wearing a glowing golden halo and diaphanous white gown descends towards me riding on a little white cloud. It is the angel starrkers. She tells me wonderfully soothing things. She says that she read my story, and it is good. She says that she will read more of my stories, once I have written them. Utter peace envelopes me. Then she ascends back into the sky.
I return her kindness by reading her stories. They are beautifully told and in a wide variety of genres. Her literary skill and versatility leave me spellbound and awestruck.
Then I realize that I have developed this bizarre fetish. An uncontrollable urge for headless legless women.
I become so depressed. I don't even have an avatar. I have only written one story. I only have ten posts. I will always be a virgin.
Actually, I just wanted to thank everybody for making the world a better place. My apology to all those that I have left out. There really are too many to mention. However I hope that each and everyone of you, has the best day of your life.
I assure you that I know it takes 30 posts to bust my cherry.
But the avatars are preventing me from posting.
Just as I am about to click the quote button, Lauren Hynde will post something. I get totally distracted. Do I see it? Naw. Well, maybe. I ended up going to the ophthalmologist to get a new prescription. I paid $350 for a pair of glasses and I looked at her avatar again. I still can't tell.
As I again reach for the mouse, Boxlicker101 beats me to it. I am so afraid for that poor girl. Let her go! She is going to have a stroke! You are in imminent jeopardy of becoming a necrophiliac. I can hardly stand to watch.
Suddenly, S-Des posts. Smut Whisperer? S-Des I... S-Des. S-Des. S-Des. O, God! O, God! O, God! S-DES!
Before I can recover, Lisa Denton comments. Oh, you. Oh, you naughty, naughty girl.
TE999's avatar will appear. Do you know what that does to my imagination? Do ya? Do ya? I'll do ya!
The posts seem to come faster and faster.
Jenny_Jackson pops up on my screen. She is an original if I have ever seen one. I try not to criticize, but Jenny you need to forget about this coy reserved act that you put on. Tell it like it is. Go for the throat. Be blunt. Are you the psycho bitch or not?
The thought of what she could do with that twelve inch finger--it sends shivers through me.
At this point, invariably something altogether different occurs.
Red shoes appear. It is Vermilion. It's not the shoes, it is her enormous intellect. Her positive outlook. Her sparkling personality. Her wit. I picture her as the Venus de Milo, except with both arms. Then she tells me that she is average looking. She offers to PM me with proof. I become so confused. Do I want average, or do I want the Venus de Milo? The Venus de Milo, or average?
The trolls interrupt me. They are filling my inbox with email. I seem to have an uncanny knack for speaking to them. My story talks to them right where they live. Under every rock. I am the Pied Piper of trolls.
Suddenly the trolls are gone. A harp begins to play. A beautiful angel wearing a glowing golden halo and diaphanous white gown descends towards me riding on a little white cloud. It is the angel starrkers. She tells me wonderfully soothing things. She says that she read my story, and it is good. She says that she will read more of my stories, once I have written them. Utter peace envelopes me. Then she ascends back into the sky.
I return her kindness by reading her stories. They are beautifully told and in a wide variety of genres. Her literary skill and versatility leave me spellbound and awestruck.
Then I realize that I have developed this bizarre fetish. An uncontrollable urge for headless legless women.
I become so depressed. I don't even have an avatar. I have only written one story. I only have ten posts. I will always be a virgin.
Actually, I just wanted to thank everybody for making the world a better place. My apology to all those that I have left out. There really are too many to mention. However I hope that each and everyone of you, has the best day of your life.
