Am I a hypocrite?

[vizio]

I'll take that one level higher. Am I a hypocrite to have intense sexual fantasies while sitting in the pews at church? I was raised a good catholic girl.. I find church to be a place I can have some of my most vivid fantasies. It's not anything like me being with a priest. It's thinking of people in the pews I have crushes on. The college basketball jock and his brother home for a few weeks. I can get so aroused that I'll be interrupted to stand and sing and find I can smell my scent and then feel a touch of guilt if anyone can smell it. So am I a hypocrite? I am comfortable that there is a God and I am happy and content.

You are not the only one. I went to mass for several months just because I was trying to hook up with a very sexy red head. I would sit and fantasize about doing her in the balcony during mass.

 

[JudasIscariot]

No offence sir but the bible is full of absolute nonsense throughout, not to mention tales from previous civilisations passed off as it's own.

For the record I am not anti religion either.

 

[Riles]

I am a Christian, I take my faith seriously, I give the gospel so someone when then opportunity arises and I enjoy theological discussion...

That said, I struggle with lust, have a vivid sexual imagination, and yes, LIT is my secret from my wife...

But do these facts make me a hypocrite?

In my mind, a hypocrite would be someone who publically bashes a behavior or practice while privately participating in those behaviors...

I'm a Christian, but that is NOT a claim to be perfect...

No. Not unless you were 'giving' parts of the gospel that had to do with fidelity, honesty, trust, etc.

You can be whatever denomination you choose, it doesn't determine if you are a good husband or not.

 

[subwannabe]

Technically, I think being a Christian means you believe in Jesus as our savior and live by his and God's values. I don't think being Christian has anything to do with sex (depending on your denomination I guess) unless you are breaking a rule like adultery or something similar. Therefore, as long as you are not breaking any rules, you are not a hypocrite.

 

[blue4lu]

Even the sin of rejecting the Holy Ghost is redeemable if one repents, and accepts Jesus Christ as their savior. In truth, there is no sin which under the correct conditions cannot be forgiven. If God had intended humans to be perfect, he would not have created us flawed: life for Christians is a process of sin and redemption. Sin is expected, as is repentance.

I stand corrected sir......thank you for pointing that out.

 

[Hypoxia]

Many deities and religions are available. Pick one or some that suit your personality. Or invent your own -- it's easy and fun. BTW 'god' is a job title, not a proper name.

 

[bill4672]

Hypocrite?

The fact that you are asking the question indicates you have misgivings (nor is this the first time you have voiced them on here). If you are looking for justification from other people, that would beg the question. In the end, you need to decide for yourself why you are here, how you feel about that, and how you will address any feelings of guilt you may have due both to the decision to keep this from your wife and your own belief system.

I have no answers for you. I imagine a number of us wrestle with similar concerns, and each of us come up with our own answers (or excuses).

 

[Dream59]

But do you go to church once a week, maybe do Wednesday night bible study, apostatize to people?

If one says they're Christian and spreads the word of God, and be on here or cheat on their spouses, then YES, hypocrisy

It is a tenant of the Christian faith that we are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God. I see nothing major wrong with him or myself or any Christian being here. Is it sin? Yes but we are all sinners. Is it ok to cheat on your wife? No it isn't but you CAN be forgiven for doing it if you ask and are seriously sorry. Though I do not believe it is a big deal unless he actually physically cheats on his wife. Then he has to seek forgiveness from God and man, and man is going to be costly.

 

[HayleyLuvsSex]

I'd say that makes you a normal human.

 

[downforce]

Im with the majority here. Being religious and having fantasies or kinks doesnt make you a hypocrite. Going out of your way to be a douche toward the LGBT community, while secretly wishing you were on your knees practicing those kinks does. Dont do that.

Not saying you have to wave the rainbow flag or anything, just be cool about it. I know people who take their faith very seriously that are gay. Its really not that big of a deal, there are just people who feel they have to make it a big deal. Im willing to bet those same people were friggin bullies in school.

 

[Anomaly1964]

Im with the majority here. Being religious and having fantasies or kinks doesnt make you a hypocrite. Going out of your way to be a douche toward the LGBT community, while secretly wishing you were on your knees practicing those kinks does. Dont do that.

Not saying you have to wave the rainbow flag or anything, just be cool about it. I know people who take their faith very seriously that are gay. Its really not that big of a deal, there are just people who feel they have to make it a big deal. Im willing to bet those same people were friggin bullies in school.

Well just for the record, I'm not gay...

 

[tigerstorm07]

I find the discussion to be very interesting when so many individuals who are not christian feel compelled to weigh in on this topic. Truth be told, if you are a true christian (a believer and follower of Jesus, who accepts his word as true) then your conscience is going to be bothering you when you visit this website or any other porn site. In the end, every christian is going to have an area of their life that is a struggle for them.. none have reached perfection. For those of us who have this struggle, we will have the feeling that we are being hypocries because we know that we are not meeting the standard that Jesus set for us to follow. With that said, it doesn't change our beliefs and knowing in our hearts what is true, its just a sad fact that on that given day we are stumbling when we give in to this hidden sin. But in the end, our actions don't define who we are or what we know to be true... just that we fall short of our goals...

 

[Anomaly1964]

I find the discussion to be very interesting when so many individuals who are not christian feel compelled to weigh in on this topic. Truth be told, if you are a true christian (a believer and follower of Jesus, who accepts his word as true) then your conscience is going to be bothering you when you visit this website or any other porn site. In the end, every christian is going to have an area of their life that is a struggle for them.. none have reached perfection. For those of us who have this struggle, we will have the feeling that we are being hypocries because we know that we are not meeting the standard that Jesus set for us to follow. With that said, it doesn't change our beliefs and knowing in our hearts what is true, its just a sad fact that on that given day we are stumbling when we give in to this hidden sin. But in the end, our actions don't define who we are or what we know to be true... just that we fall short of our goals...

PERFECTLY stated!

 

[tigerstorm07]

Anomaly, thanks for starting the thread... it is a comfort to know that you're not alone in this problem.. and yes, the truth be told.. if I'm going to indulge.. I'd rather it be with another believer who understands that eventually the conscience is going to kick in.. and when you disappear its not a rejection of them or being dishonest in your intentions..
Yes, when I'm here.. any ladies who are believers, I'm open to play... not proud of it, but its a part of who I am at this time...

 

[DrHappy]

I’m surprised that I haven’t seen more questioning of some of the assumptions in your original post.

In my opinion, many Christians have defined lust and restrictions of sexual behavior in ways that are much more restrictive than the original intent of the scriptures. Many of the early historical authoritative church figures have made commentary in which mainstream Christians today would disagree with. For example, St Augustine did not approve of sex during the daytime, even among married couples (he had mistress, by the way). I’d encourage people to investigate this on their own, rather than uncritically accepting doctrine that is dominant or popular today.

 

[looking34205]

I going to expound on this further. Does having sex outside the marriage but you still love your wife and family make you a hypocrite?

I have been married for many years but the wife can be quite a prude sexually. I started flirting with this coworker who is single and we were open about our attraction. She said, she is not looking for anything serious and was single and horny so she said just come over and let's do it. So we did and my God (no pun intended) it was good. I did wait until we no longer worked together because I didn't want it to be weird.

I felt guilty for about 5 minutes but it didn't really change how I feel about my wife. I still love her and I have absolutely no feelings for my colleague. It was just something that I wasn't getting at home. We did it again many times over and always had a great fucking time but never affected my home life.

What are your thoughts? Are our social standards for monogamy not really achievable?

 

[russko]

What are your thoughts? Are our social standards for monogamy not really achievable?

First I want to say that the very same thing happened to me ... i started dating a woman at 24 (she was 21) and we agreed that we'd wait for marriage before sex, that was good and well but our relationship went on for 8 years 4-5 of which we were living together and in the same bed ... to make matters worse it was like pulling teeth trying to get any other sort of sexual attention from her.

it was the same excuses every time, she "couldn't" get passionate because: Monday "first day at work, boo," Tuesday "I'm so pissed it's still only tuesday," Wednesday "Oh my God when will this week end," Thursday "I'm tired from the Gym," Friday "it's friday baby, let's go out," Saturday morning - "i want to sleep in and have brunch - maybe tonight"

we'd go for weeks like this - forget about the 1 week before, during, and after her periods!!! not even cuddling in bed, no touch, no spooning, no nothing.

I still loved her though - because I thought she was a good woman

I year before our relationship fell apart - I broke down and went to a massage parlour ... I told her because I felt guilty, she laughed it off some how as cute ... after that it i frequented the parlours frequently, often slipping from beside her at night to go out and come back only to find she hasn't stirred ... then came across some people and started swing with them, then gang-bangs ...

still faithful to her emotionally until we had our big break up fight and i find out that at that point she had no feelings towards me ~ that came as a total shock because she would always say "i love you" and act irrational if I even brought up the subject that we may not be the right fit for each other (which i did many times)

sorry for the long-winded story - I hope it's read as a cautionary tail because of what i'm about to say next

you asked about our society's standards - well we are society - so what about our standards towards one another?

couples have a responsibility towards one another, i'm not a very religious person - but even the bible (Paul?) advises that a woman has physical responsibilities towards her man and he has responsibilities towards her and that those responsibilities should not be neglected at any time except when each person goes their way to part and mediate

so you cheated, but you may not be a hypocrite since you're not bashing anyone else that cheated as well ...

 

[subwannabe]

I'm just wondering if it would have effected your home life if your wife new about it.

 

[russko]

my cheating? oh absolutely - it would have brought things to head that much quicker instead of letting things drag ...

i wanted to stick by her - i really did - but i was being suffocated as well. 8 years imagine that ... no man (or woman) for that matter should be forced into that sort of denial, I did what I did (and this isn't a rationalization) so that I can keep my sanity (as it were I was always getting agitated and short about things in life ... just no patience)

 

[callmeismael]

Okay, question to the Christians: what does it matter to you whether an act is hypocrisy or not? Shouldn't you be more concerned about whether it is a sin or not? Do you think, yeah, I'm a damn sinner, but at least I'm not a hypocrite!

It comes down to two different definitions of hypocrisy:

One is that a hypocrite is someone who commits an act that goes against what they claim to believe in; by that definition, any Christian who has sinned is a hypocrite, regardless of the nature of the sin. Believe it's wrong to lie, and yet you've lied before? Hypocrite!

A second definition of a hypocrite is someone who claims to hold beliefs that they do not actually hold. So if you claim that watching porn is wrong, you watch porn, and you admit to yourself that is wrong, you are not a hypocrite. Believe it's wrong to lie, and you've lied before, and yet you admit that this was a sin? Not a hypocrite!

In the end, it's all word-play; most people are going to choose the latter definition when judging their own actions because it casts them in the best possible light; and choose the first definition when judging the actions of someone they don't like, because it casts them in the worst possible light.

One might say, "I say I follow the Bible, I cheated on my wife but I know it was wrong, so I'm not a hypocrite. That outspoken anti-gay politician who was caught having gay sex is a hypocrite, because he did something that was against the beliefs he claimed to hold." Such a pair of statements are inconsistent because they use different definitions of hypocrisy.

 

[russko]

One might say, "I say I follow the Bible, I cheated on my wife but I know it was wrong, so I'm not a hypocrite. That outspoken anti-gay politician who was caught having gay sex is a hypocrite, because he did something that was against the beliefs he claimed to hold." Such a pair of statements are inconsistent because they use different definitions of hypocrisy.

just as a clarification - the moral dilemma with hypocrisy isn't something exclusive to christian or something that christians in general (i'm speaking anecdotally) specifically concentrate on as opposed to sinning as you mentioned

this topic if particular to Anomaly - and it seems to bother him that he may be acting in a hypocritical way ... the lying to oneself (the true dagger of hypocrisy in my opinion) is something that trouble our friend here.

this leads me to my actual point - which you touched on - the definition of hypocrisy is relative ... if you admit to yourself and others (as all seem to do here) of things you do that are against the beliefs handed to you by your community and family, then you are somewhat elevating the onus of hypocrisy from you ... at that point you're not denying what you're doing and knowing this may help someone sleep better at night.

my 2 cents ...

 

[rod43]

I can relate to so much of your experience ........

 

[policywank]

I think one of the first questions is "what are your christian beliefs?"

Unless you are taking your lessons directly from the original sacred texts, whatever you think you know or believe has at some point been affected, interpreted or distorted by humans. Your pastor or priest has been indoctrinated in the faith - taught what to believe - through an education that is about as robust as a bachelor of arts degree. Some are deeply introspective people who work very hard to find truth. Some are arrogant self-serving blow hards who have never had an original thought in their heads.

We are all hypocrites to some degree because we deem the sins in which we indulge less important than the others. The truly pious are just those that have fooled themselves more than the rest of us.

I am a christian and I have found the religion provides a lot of useful direction in life. The people (well meaning or otherwise) who use religion to tell you how to run your life......not so much.

 

[Anomaly1964]

I think one of the first questions is "what are your christian beliefs?"

Unless you are taking your lessons directly from the original sacred texts, whatever you think you know or believe has at some point been affected, interpreted or distorted by humans. Your pastor or priest has been indoctrinated in the faith - taught what to believe - through an education that is about as robust as a bachelor of arts degree. Some are deeply introspective people who work very hard to find truth. Some are arrogant self-serving blow hards who have never had an original thought in their heads.

We are all hypocrites to some degree because we deem the sins in which we indulge less important than the others. The truly pious are just those that have fooled themselves more than the rest of us.

I am a christian and I have found the religion provides a lot of useful direction in life. The people (well meaning or otherwise) who use religion to tell you how to run your life......not so much.

VERY insightful post...thanks!