Alliteration, how much, how often?

[Guest]

I would like opinions on alliteration please. I don't know if how I write would be considered alliteration or not. Is it unpleasant to read or does it add to, forgive me if I sound corny, the sensuousness of the sentence? When I write I seem to use the same sounds unconsciously. I don't think I get carried away but should I try not to do it?

This first example I've repeated the "olv" sound accidentally. I may have used the word "time" too often also but this work isn't finished.

"Knowing why her weak mother returned time after time for more punishment steeled her resolve not to fall into that revolving trapdoor. Yet every time she became involved with a man it turned into a nightmare."

I like the "S" sound too, sinfully seductive.

"Seated on a cushion of leaves, the solitary man waits at the trailhead."

"She remembers the site as a sensual paradise."

"Scanning her deliberately from the ground up, he enjoys the shiny, tanned skin of her flexing thighs and the dark, wet, stains highlighting the creases of her emerald-green shorts. Her perspiration soaked top clings to her torso, delineating her chest."

I realize it's hard to comment without the whole enchilada, but what are your thoughts on the use of alliteration?

 

[CreamyLady]

An Austrian Army, Awfully Arrayed . . .

Used sparingly, alliteration lends poetry to prose. Overdone, and it, like most things, can turn a good story into unintentional farce.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I love anything written that sounds delicious read.

 

[Guest]

Used sparingly, alliteration lends poetry to prose. Overdone, and it, like most things, can turn a good story into unintentional farce.

I love anything written that sounds delicious read.

I agree. I think I might have that disease allrhymers. That line between farce and prose looks blurry these days.

Do you think the line is in the eye of the beholder or are there guidelines?

 

[CreamyLady]

I don't know about guidelines. My own writing style is to just let it flow, and look at it later when the spell is gone. I can't be objective for about 48 hours.

You might try that, and a good editor -- giving the editor instructions to be on the lookout for the fatal tendency.

 

[Gus]

I am a reader not a writer...

... and a good editor -- giving the editor instructions to be on the lookout for the fatal tendency.

Sorry to disagree but please don't set us such a task.

The opening post of this thread held no problems from my point of view. Excepting for the revolving trapdoor! That does sound dangerous and is a candidate for editing out!

Send your story to an editor, send it to many and see what happens. Don't prejudge the issue.

Most important: How do you like it? Have you used it deliberately for effect? Is it your style? Be you, never mind what others think.

Gus

 

[Weird Harold]

[BMost important: How do you like it? Have you used it deliberately for effect? Is it your style? Be you, never mind what others think.[/B]

I agree with Gus. How much alliteration and rhyming you use is a facet of your style.

Unless your stories sound like a perverted Dr Suess, then there's not too much. (Except for when you're trying to sound like Dr Suess, then there's no such thing as too much, period.)

 

[Laurel]

That reminds me! I think I received a porno Dr. Seuss-style story - it's in my edit box somewhere... When I post it, I'll let you kids know.

 

[Guest]

Thanks

…look at it later when the spell is gone. I can't be objective for about 48 hours.
You might try that, and a good editor -- giving the editor instructions to be on the lookout for the fatal tendency.

Lol CL The creative drive is like a spell isn't it. I like everything while I'm writing, almost everything. Then the spell is gone and I have to struggle with the editing. It's like having a party and then dealing with the mess the next day. Yuck!

I do have to wait before I edit or else I delete the life out of the story.

Sorry to disagree but please don't set us such a task.
Excepting for the revolving trapdoor! That does sound dangerous and is a candidate for editing out!
Most important: How do you like it? Have you used it deliberately for effect? Is it your style? Be you, never mind what others think.
Gus

Good advice Gus. I took out the revolving trapdoor bit then put it back. I thought it had a kinda Jumbo Shrimp, oxymoron, feel to it. Maybe my style is polyester leisure suits! Ahhh!

I wouldn't want to prejudice an editor. I'd want them to read it first then ask questions later. Let the work stand or fall, like a child learning to ride a bike. (ok, ok, I'd run along side to catch them, bad analogy.)

Unless your stories sound like a perverted Dr Suess, then there's not too much. (Except for when you're trying to sound like Dr Suess, then there's no such thing as too much, period.)

W.H. I will have to try a parody someday just to see how bad ( in a humorous way) my writing can get!

 

[sallygirl]

The examples you gave are fine. In fact, it might even be a stretch to call it alliteration. I wouldn't have even been aware of it if you hadn't pointed it out. It's not over-done at all. A little bit of alliteration can make the words roll off the tongue most deliciously, and I think that's what you've done. Keep writing!

 

[Guest]

The examples you gave are fine. It's not over-done at all. A little bit of alliteration can make the words roll off the tongue most deliciously. Keep writing!

Thanks for the reassurance Sally. Coming from a recently gradjeeated journalist it's encouraging indeed! Good luck in your job search.

 

[Gary1]

alliteration

good prose can be good for short stories ... sometimes it is hard to convey the thought, mood, feeling in a short story and this is one technique that can bring across important information in a very short space. .02 worth

 

[Samuari]

HP, I've found the editors here to be really helpful. I like the examples that you've included. Alliteration is an under used tool in the language, and I for one would like to see it used more. Something to keep in mind, though, is that srories published in this media are usally going to be read sliently; and not orally, which is where alliteration have the most impact. I'm looking forward to reading your work

Laurel, Perverted Dr. Seuss? Cool, nothing is safe! I can HARDLY wait! .

[Edited by Samuari on 09-05-2000 at 03:40 AM]

 

[Guest]

Thanks Gus and Samuari for the input.

 

[Tawny T]

I love alliteration, but mostly use it for the titles of my stories. A little sprinkled through a well written story gives it just a little pep and verve however. But dammit, be sure it makes sense!

hullo_nurse - that sexy lady, and I write each other a lot, and both of us love alliteration. She beat me hands down though! Wish I had saved the one she sent! The Sexy, Sensuous, Seductive Siren, but she went on and on and on - blew me away!

 

[Guest]

Does this make sense?

Thank you Tawny T for the titillating tidbits about the tawdry tales hullo_nurse teasingly tells.

CC me with those hu_n?