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Alex's Daily One Liner Thread

AlexGordon

AlexGordon

Fun lovin' criminal
Joined
Jan 5, 2012
Posts
16,500
Well, this one does what it says of the tin ... :D

I think humour is what makes the world go round, and if I can make one person laugh every day, then I feel I have contributed something to the well-being of the world around me. One of my own personal favourite areas of comedy are one liners, especially ones with plays on words, so I thought I'd personally contribute one a day to hopefully raise a smile with you, the rest of my fellow Litsters.

Please consider this as "my" thread on Lit - now that I have been here for a few months, I am starting to feel at home here; if anyone wants to come along and say hi or contribute a joke, please feel free!

Oh, and if anyone finds any funny signs like the one in my signature, again, feel free to post them here!

Keep smiling!:)

============

My girlfriend say's that I'm afraid of commitment – well, when I say girlfriend, she's more a wife ... :D
 
AlexGordon said:
Well, this one does what it says of the tin ... :D

I think humour is what makes the world go round, and if I can make one person laugh every day, then I feel I have contributed something to the well-being of the world around me. One of my own personal favourite areas of comedy are one liners, especially ones with plays on words, so I thought I'd personally contribute one a day to hopefully raise a smile with you, the rest of my fellow Litsters.

Please consider this as "my" thread on Lit - now that I have been here for a few months, I am starting to feel at home here; if anyone wants to come along and say hi or contribute a joke, please feel free!

Oh, and if anyone finds any funny signs like the one in my signature, again, feel free to post them here!

Keep smiling!:)

============

My girlfriend say's that I'm afraid of commitment – well, when I say girlfriend, she's more a wife ... :D
Click to expand...


Great idea, Alex. :) Here's my contribution for the day:

The difference between knowing and not knowing your grammar is knowing your shit and knowing you're shit. :D
 
AlexGordon said:
Well, this one does what it says of the tin ... :D

I think humour is what makes the world go round, and if I can make one person laugh every day, then I feel I have contributed something to the well-being of the world around me. One of my own personal favourite areas of comedy are one liners, especially ones with plays on words, so I thought I'd personally contribute one a day to hopefully raise a smile with you, the rest of my fellow Litsters.

Please consider this as "my" thread on Lit - now that I have been here for a few months, I am starting to feel at home here; if anyone wants to come along and say hi or contribute a joke, please feel free!

Oh, and if anyone finds any funny signs like the one in my signature, again, feel free to post them here!

Keep smiling!:)

============

My girlfriend say's that I'm afraid of commitment – well, when I say girlfriend, she's more a wife ... :D
Click to expand...


Nice thread Alex!


Make yourself at home…..clean my kitchen :D
 
Indienne said:
Great idea, Alex. :) Here's my contribution for the day:

The difference between knowing and not knowing your grammar is knowing your shit and knowing you're shit. :D
Click to expand...

I like it, Enne! :D

The subtler the better ... ;)
 
I was in the park the other day, wondering why that frisbee over there was getting bigger and bigger ... and then it hit me ... :D
 
Zoe_A_2222 said:
Nice thread Alex!


Make yourself at home…..clean my kitchen :D
Click to expand...

Thanks, Zoe! Feel free to contribute any Man Utd jokes you may have ... :D

Such as:

Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.
 
If I've told you once I've told you a million times, stop exaggerating. :D
 
I'm a terrible cook, I can’t be good in every room in the house.

I love that one, use it often :D
 
wonderful thread idea, Alex.

Essa's post about exaggerating made me el oh el.

and my contribution:

children : you spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
 
Essa said:
If I've told you once I've told you a million times, stop exaggerating. :D
Click to expand...

Hi Essa! Thanks for the contribution - I've used that one myself on many occasions ... :D

In a similar vein, I like:

"Stop all your effing and blinding my girl, and get up those fucking stairs!" :D
 
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
 
respeito said:
wonderful thread idea, Alex.

Essa's post about exaggerating made me el oh el.

and my contribution:

children : you spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Click to expand...

So so true, reseito, so true ... or so I'm told! :D
 
Hi there! ;) So if it's your thread we can post anything we want to???? Be prepared... :devil:

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
 
And a last couple for today ...

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

Goodnight all ... :D
 
Last edited:
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
 
It's 8.30am on a lovely sunny Wednesday morning here in England and we're halfway through the week - yay!! :D

If anyone wants tea or coffee, there's some on the table over in the corner, along with toast, croissants, bagels and muffins. Enjoy! :)

One liners?

Oh, yes, I nearly forgot ...

The other day my wife decided to collect double entendres, so I gave her one ... :D
 
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
 
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