AH High: School Newspaper
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I thought I'd heard all the elephant jokes...oggbashan said:
Did you hear about the elephant with diarrhea?
It's all over town.
oggbashan
Dying Truth seeker
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Why are you shaking that powder around the edges of your property? I thought that Shake n Vac was for indoor carpets.
I've been told that it also works well at keeping elephants away so that they don't shit on my lawn?
Have you ever had elephants shit on your lawn?
No. Shake n Vac gets the freshness back too...
Og
I've been told that it also works well at keeping elephants away so that they don't shit on my lawn?
Have you ever had elephants shit on your lawn?
No. Shake n Vac gets the freshness back too...
Og
Zeb_Carter
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Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
To hid in Cherry trees.
Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a Cherry tree?
No.
Works pretty good then, doesn't it?
To hid in Cherry trees.
Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a Cherry tree?
No.
Works pretty good then, doesn't it?
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Three old fogeys are we.
Elephant jokes, for you young-ins, were popular in the early 60's. I got in trouble in First Grade for telling the one above.
Elephant jokes, for you young-ins, were popular in the early 60's. I got in trouble in First Grade for telling the one above.
Zeb_Carter
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Why to ducks have webbed feet?
I don't know, why do ducks have webbed feet?
So they can stomp out forest fires.
Why do beavers have flat tails?
I don't know.
So they can put out flaming ducks.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
I don't know.
So they can stomp out flaming beavers.
I don't know, why do ducks have webbed feet?
So they can stomp out forest fires.
Why do beavers have flat tails?
I don't know.
So they can put out flaming ducks.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
I don't know.
So they can stomp out flaming beavers.
Jenny_Jackson
Psycho Bitch
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AP - Los Angeles
To the horror of locker rooms all over Los Angeles, it was revieled yesterday that LA Times sports writer, Mike Penner, who is currently on vacation, is undergoing a gender change.
Penner is scheduled to return to work after his vacation at the end of May and continue his work in the sports section under the name "Christine Daniels."
When asked, Chief Sports Editor, Randy Harvey said, "Well, no one can ever say we don't have diversity on the staff."
To the horror of locker rooms all over Los Angeles, it was revieled yesterday that LA Times sports writer, Mike Penner, who is currently on vacation, is undergoing a gender change.
Penner is scheduled to return to work after his vacation at the end of May and continue his work in the sports section under the name "Christine Daniels."
When asked, Chief Sports Editor, Randy Harvey said, "Well, no one can ever say we don't have diversity on the staff."
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How did you get down off an elephant?
You don't. You get down from a goose.
You don't. You get down from a goose.
Zeb_Carter
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How do you catch a unique elephant?
You neek up behind it.
You neek up behind it.
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Zeb_Carter said:
How do you catch a tame one?
Tame way, unique up on it.
(God, it's catching.)
Emperor_Nero
Ever have 1 of those days
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What's the difference between eating an elephant and eating peanut butter?
Elephants don't stick to the roof of your mouth.
Elephants don't stick to the roof of your mouth.
Dar~
Indefatigable
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Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas,.....
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas,.....
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
rgraham666
Literotica Guru
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Ow!
Wildcard Ky
Southern culture liason
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I'm trying to decide which is worse:
1. Admitting that I read all of this thread
2. Admitting that I watched the Dukes of Hazard movie and chuckled twice.
1. Admitting that I read all of this thread
2. Admitting that I watched the Dukes of Hazard movie and chuckled twice.
TE999
How 'bout a kiss, baby
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Oh boy!
Elephant jokes!
What's pink on the outside and grey on the inside?
An inside-out elephant.
What time is it when an elephant sits on your car?
Time to get a new car.
How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Big footprints in the butter.
What do elephants use as tampons?
Sheep.
How do you know when elephants have been having sex in your back yard?
The grass is crushed flat and your trash bags are missing.
Elephant jokes!
What's pink on the outside and grey on the inside?
An inside-out elephant.
What time is it when an elephant sits on your car?
Time to get a new car.
How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Big footprints in the butter.
What do elephants use as tampons?
Sheep.
How do you know when elephants have been having sex in your back yard?
The grass is crushed flat and your trash bags are missing.
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cantdog said:
Hey!
That was going to be the name of the character in my next story!
MagicaPractica
Alchemist
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Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes? ~ Because the white ones always get dirty.
Why do elephants float in the river upside-down? ~ To keep their blue tennis shoes from getting wet.
How do you get an elephant up an oak tree? ~ Sit it down on an acorn and wait 50 years.
How do you get an elephant out of an oak tree? ~ Just wait till the leaves start to drop.
Why do ducks have flat feet? ~ For stamping out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet? ~ For stamping out flaming ducks.
Why do giraffes have long necks? ~ For spitting on burning elephants.
How are an elephant and a banana just alike? ~ They are both yellow . . . . uh . . . . Except for the elephant, of course.
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill? ~
Look! A herd of elephants coming over the hill!
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill? ~ Nothing. He didn't recognize them.
What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
Look! A bunch of bananas coming over the hill! ~ (Jane was color-blind.)
Why do elephants travel in herds? ~ Because if they traveled in flocks, it would confuse the sheepdogs.
Why do elephants walk on four feet? ~ Because if they flew, you could never keep your car clean.
How do you get three elephants in a taxi? ~One in the front next to the driver, and two in the back.
How do you know there is an elephant in your house? ~ There's a taxi outside with two impatient elephants.
How do you know there is an elephant in your refrigerator? ~ There's a taxi outside it with two impatient elephants.
How do you get an elephant into the refrigerator? ~ Open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.
How do you get two elephants in the refrigerator? ~ Open the door, put in the first elephant, then put in the second elephant, then close the door.
How do you get six elephants in the refrigerator? ~
Put three elephants in a taxi, put three elephants in another taxi, then put the two taxis in the fridge.
Why are there so many elephants running loose in Africa? ~ Not enough refrigerators.
Why are elephants large, grey, and wrinkled? ~ Because if they were small, white, and smooth they would be aspirins.
Why do elephants float in the river upside-down? ~ To keep their blue tennis shoes from getting wet.
How do you get an elephant up an oak tree? ~ Sit it down on an acorn and wait 50 years.
How do you get an elephant out of an oak tree? ~ Just wait till the leaves start to drop.
Why do ducks have flat feet? ~ For stamping out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet? ~ For stamping out flaming ducks.
Why do giraffes have long necks? ~ For spitting on burning elephants.
How are an elephant and a banana just alike? ~ They are both yellow . . . . uh . . . . Except for the elephant, of course.
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill? ~
Look! A herd of elephants coming over the hill!
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill? ~ Nothing. He didn't recognize them.
What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
Look! A bunch of bananas coming over the hill! ~ (Jane was color-blind.)
Why do elephants travel in herds? ~ Because if they traveled in flocks, it would confuse the sheepdogs.
Why do elephants walk on four feet? ~ Because if they flew, you could never keep your car clean.
How do you get three elephants in a taxi? ~One in the front next to the driver, and two in the back.
How do you know there is an elephant in your house? ~ There's a taxi outside with two impatient elephants.
How do you know there is an elephant in your refrigerator? ~ There's a taxi outside it with two impatient elephants.
How do you get an elephant into the refrigerator? ~ Open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.
How do you get two elephants in the refrigerator? ~ Open the door, put in the first elephant, then put in the second elephant, then close the door.
How do you get six elephants in the refrigerator? ~
Put three elephants in a taxi, put three elephants in another taxi, then put the two taxis in the fridge.
Why are there so many elephants running loose in Africa? ~ Not enough refrigerators.
Why are elephants large, grey, and wrinkled? ~ Because if they were small, white, and smooth they would be aspirins.
Boxlicker101
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I think the first elephant joke was in a movie starring Buster Keaton(I think). He worked in a circus, and they were going broke and owed a lot of money to people in the town where they were. They decided to sneak away and stiff the creditors. As he was leading an elelphant along the road, a deputy sheriff challenged him: "Hey! Where ya going with that elephant?"
"What elephant?"
"What elephant?"
Jenny_Jackson
Psycho Bitch
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cantdog said:
Hey! That's a real story. Penner really is doing the transgender thing.
The link
http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-oldmike26apr26,0,2709943.story?coll=la-home-headlines
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