Agressive Pursuit - Do You Appreciate Submissive Persistence?

[s'lara]

Aggressive Pursuit - Do You Appreciate Submissive Persistence?

Supply and demand.

i realized that the demographics of the board were definitely off. There seem to be a multitude of submissives who certainly outnumber the Dominants. At least to my way of thinking. Throw compatibility into the mix, preferences, etc. and you can narrow down the chances of "connection" by a third or more. These thoughts led to my wondering what methods a submissive might have to resort to in order to find an eligible Dominant from a sparse selection. Yes, i know that there is a big world out there, but i am applying this situation in a "what if" mindset so humor me.

O.K., where does "slim pickings" leave submissive's who looking for a Dominant of their own? Your choices are to either allow more competitive submissive's to run you (the sub) down in the great Dom/me race or become competitive in your own pursuit.

What happens when a gaggle of competitive submissive's become more and more tenacious in their pursuit? Lets say the level of effort behind the pursuit increases and the aggressiveness kicks in with gusto.

Dom/me's - What is Your take on being aggressively pursued by submissive's? What are the limitations You set for how much aggression/persistence You will allow from a submissive who has set his/her cap for You?

sub's - Do you find that aggressively pursuing a potential owner is productive or counterproductive to you finding an ideal mate? Do you feel that such aggression/persistence is necessary or just part of your overall "flavor?"

Finally to all - What are the best ways to put out the message that such pursuit isn't wanted? Also, what signs should you look for in order to be enlightened that the object of pursuit does want to be aggressively/persistently pursued? What types of approaches are most welcome from interested parties?

Thanks in advance for the comments.

lara

 

[Sandia]

I'd argue that it'll work or it won't. Your chances depend on whether you connect or not - and whether you're attracted to each other. Do your fantasies match up with his? Do you want done to you what he wants wants to do?

Is he smart enough for you? Do you live within hailing distance?

If you've pm'd him (or whatever) and given him a fair shot at you, you've done what you can do. I wouldn't worry about the gaggle.

 

[s'lara]

Oh goodness.

i think the thread is coming across as a request for information for myself.

No, i'm not on the "hunt", but i did notice a fair share of new subs looking for ways to meet Dominants and began thinking about how a submissive would evolve in personality should they find themselves in a situation where Dominants were few.

That led to the thought of how aggression from submissive's, in pursuing a Dominant, might be met with distaste or surprised pleasure. Finally, i wondered how a Dominant would handle dismissing an aggressive/persistent submissive.

No more than food for thought and hopefully some sound advice for those who are looking. And it seems i've spelled "aggressive" wrong. Not surprising.

lara

 

[Sandia]

Well, change "you" from "you, s'lara" to "generic you," and I think it still works out.

 

[fallon2]

Once

I once met a very smart, married sub. We began to e mail and she became my sub. She is persistent as well as curious. She became so curious she impressed me. Her desire for knowledge and experience as well as her intellect has touched me in a way that no other sub has and never will.
If I ramble or veer off this thread so be it.
But I must state that I DO appreciate a submissive's persistence. More than I ever thought I would

 

[cellis]

I think I am more the subtle type of person.... I don't like those that send me naked pics or such... I liked to be wooed.

If I were really interested in someone I would write them privately... I don't believe in playing games.

I am an honest person and I expect the same from others.






Hi Sandia. Nice to see you here again.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Hi cellis.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Hi ADR

 

[A Desert Rose]

Hi ADR

So as not to hijack this thread... are you persistant, KC or subtle like cellis?

 

[Kajira Callista]

So as not to hijack this thread... are you persistant, KC or subtle like cellis?

subtly persistant

 

[A Desert Rose]

BINGO

subtly persistant

Right answer! ;-D lol

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: BINGO

Right answer! ;-D lol

 

[Ms_Lilith]

as a submissive, I have never pursued a Dom/me, and I don't think it very becomming to do so. I have sent one PM, and then awaited the Dom/me's attention. If they feel that I am not what they are looking for, they will not choose to speak further. If they do decide I may have potential, they often write back and ask questions, and conversation begins that way.

As a Dominant, I am a bit grey on the area. I sometimes enjoy having a submissive seek my attention, and sometimes, I just hate it. I think it really depends on the method of contact, the method of pursuit that the sub chooses to engage in. I don't enjoy REALLY aggressive submissives, as I tend to think that's not their place.

*shrug*

 

[Lian Ikari]

back to topic

I believe it depends more on the way the sub acts than on s/he's persistence.

For me, a sub that just won't quit seems to be misundestanding the whole relation of D/s, with the mutual interests and likings and all that. On the other hand, a sub/slave who tries in different ways to get you, and knows how to call your attention in the middle of the crowd is also showing some quality that might end up changing your mind. So, to sum up, it's all about creativity and, of course, style.

 

[Sandia]

Hi Sandia. Nice to see you here again.

Nice to see you too. You know what's funny?

Lancecastor's apparently become an old-timmer...!

 

[DVS]

When it comes down to it, there ia a lot to be decided, here. It isn't just who comes in first, but also if that first one is compatible, or would it be the second, third, etc.

Everybody is different, and so the subs should understand that, themselves. Limits are limits. If a sub has a specific limit, the Dom might love that which is limited, so that sub would be out of the running before the start.

If a sub wants to be high on the list, she should have few if any limits and that will assure her of a connection.

But, that isn't very likely to happen. Even the most brash of subs will have limits. We all do.

You could have a form to be filled out where the sub lists said limts and the Doms have something to start with.

Or, you could have a sub olympics where the different events are limits and whatever subs win, will hvae the least number of limts. The Doms could hang out and pick whoever.

Of course, all of this is jibberish, but it sill works. It's a Dom's market, so the subs would have to do as told, if they want to picked.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Unless golf is part of the sub olympics, I'm most definately out of the running.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I'm not an overt board flirt. It's not my style. Like Vix, I find it unbecoming and frankly, it's uncomfortable for me. And as I've said before, I only compete at cards and backgammon.

However, on occassion, I will privately make the first move. If He doesn't make the second, then that's that.

I won't make a fool of myself to stroke any man's ego, privately or publicaly. It's not hard to keep walking.

 

[Xelebes]

I tend not to be so aggressive at anyhing really. If they want me to do something, I'll do it. Same goes for a domme. If she's not interested, then she's not interested. There probably wasn't anything there to start off with anyways.

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Re: back to topic

I believe it depends more on the way the sub acts than on s/he's persistence.

For me, a sub that just won't quit seems to be misundestanding the whole relation of D/s, with the mutual interests and likings and all that. On the other hand, a sub/slave who tries in different ways to get you, and knows how to call your attention in the middle of the crowd is also showing some quality that might end up changing your mind. So, to sum up, it's all about creativity and, of course, style.

Good answer.

~stalks Desert Rose~

As for me, I enjoy it, but only to a point. Particularly where the sub is more just coyly flirting than really pursuing me is nice.

 

[Lian Ikari]

Kind complaint

Thanks pagan switch

I'm actually complaning, because I frankly saw very few stylish subs... pure persistance, like dull waves against a wall, are much more commom, in my opinion

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Re: Kind complaint

Thanks pagan switch

I'm actually complaning, because I frankly saw very few stylish subs... pure persistance, like dull waves against a wall, are much more commom, in my opinion

~nods~ Yep.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I tend not to be so aggressive at anyhing really...
...If she's not interested, then she's not interested. There probably wasn't anything there to start off with anyways.

This rings really true for me too. I'm not aggressive at all. And like cellis said, I prefer more subtle and private actions.


Hi pagan! ~stalking you back~

 

[Pure]

Hi Lara,
As with the 'man-hunting' books, it seems times are indeed ripe for
"How to meet, pair with, and hang onto your ideal dom: Basic principles, strategies, and tactics"

Ch1 Being in the right place; the perils of the auction
Ch2 Catching his eye, and his...
Ch3 Turning him on; how to read the stiffening manhood
Ch4 Not seeming like a slut (like the others); showing labial
piercings in the first meeting?
Ch5 Can there be 'too much' submission? the question of
bootlicking (or worse!)-- or
Ch6 Will he appreciate spunk and 'attitude'? Will you appreciate
a slap in the face?
Ch7 The 'hard to crack' ones, not to be confused with
Ch8 The unreachable ones no one will ever get (nor would
they want to!)
Ch9 Join em? If all else fails, should you just get a sub,
yourself?

 

[Safphyre]

Like anything, else I express my interest and speak my mind ... it becomes clear very quickly whether or not there is a mutual spark which may be worth persuing