Age Differences

[short_circutz]

I just experienced a new situation today.

I started seing someone close to 2 weeks ago. We hit it off well. I loved everything about her. The way she kissed me, the way she'd cuddle up to me, plus the fact she was very beautiful. I felt like I was on top of the world when I was with her.

A couple of days ago in the morning after I had stayed over at her place, she asked me my age. I have no idea why she didn't know when we firststarted seeing each other.

I told her my age. And she looked concerned. I asked her if it was an issue, and she said she was a little uncomfortable about it. Which made me feel awkward, as we were all cuddled up under the blankets when we were talking at the time.

Later that evening, I asked her if she had thought about it and she said she could deal with it.

Spent the night at herplace again last night, and today she called me as I was about to walk into work. She said she thought it would be better if we didn't see each other anymore in a relationship. When i asked her why, she said it was an issue with the age difference.

I'm 34. She's 22.

So, I ended up booking the day from work due to "personal issues" and have been sitting here feeling old and very rejected. This has never happened to me before and I'm having problems dealing with it.

Any suggestions?

 

[KrisGallagher]

*****

 

[INeedLove]

She's showing her age with that behavior! Chin up!

My thinking is like the previous post-age is just a number. It's a matter of how you feel and present yourself.

In a way, it's better she broke it off before both of you became invested deeply. After 2 weeks, you wouldn't be as likely to be in deep (hopefully). Wouldn't you rather have this happen now rather than later?

Rejection always sucks, no matter the reason. Sorry you are hurting. I don't mean to sound cliche, but there are lots of wonderful, snuggly and kiss worthy women out there. You'll find one!!
((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

 

[Eilan]

Sorry that you're hurting, short_circutz.

When it comes to age differences, I think the success of the relationship depends on the people involved, but that's the case for ANY relationship.

I'm 32 and my husband's 48, and, obviously, neither of us had a problem with the age difference when we met (I was 27, he was 43). I think, however, that things would have been different if we'd started dating when I was 18 and he was 34, mainly because as 18-year-olds go, I was pretty immature.

I'm curious as to whether or not she gave you any insights as to why she thinks the age difference is a problem.

If she has an issue with the age difference, then I see that as her problem and not a shortcoming on your part. Sure, people have preferences, but a person who's shallow enough to let age, and only age, dictate whether or not he or she pursues a relationship with someone probably isn't relationship material, anyway.

 

[eudaemonia]

Well, a 34-year-old guy who loves to kiss and cuddle would be a hot, young thing in my (43-year-old) book.

Easy to give advice than to take it, but don't let a 22-year-old inexperienced woman make you feel the least bit old.

 

[AltrdStateoMine]

Her loss

I have to agree with previous posters...it's not about age here, but maturity. If "age" is the only reason she sited, then she's got it in her head that she's going to miss out on something by being with an older man. If only she knew what she was missing out on with you...her loss.


Altered State

 

[TBKahuna123]

She's obviously missing the benfits of an older lover. Seriously though, dwelling on the size of an age difference is irrelevant. If the couple is compatible it doesn't matter. I agree though that she is showing some immaturity with her reaction. If you think it's worth it, I would try to get her to tell you exactly what about hte age difference bothers her. Either way I think you need to believe us when we say this is HER problem, not something wrong with you.

I can totally understand your feeling rejected. that's pretty shitty dude, and pretty shallow on her part. Better to find out now though, rather than later. Just remember there are slews of awesome women out there who would love a 34 year old who knows how to cuddle. Stay strong and don't let one immature little girl get you down.

Of course, I know it's easy for us to sit here and say that.

 

[ultimate_cin]

I agree with what Eilan and TBK said. My boyfriend is 48 and I'm 32 (much like Eilan and her hubby)....we found out how old the other was right before we started dating and it didn't faze either of us....we click so well together that we don't even think about the age difference most of the time. I'm sorry that you're hurting right now, but please try not to let it discourage you. The issue is her maturity, not your age. Keep your chin up - I'm sure you'll find someone who appreciates you soon!

 

[Eilan]

My boyfriend is 48 and I'm 32 (much like Eilan and her hubby)

Hey, you're in Ohio, too. Cool!

 

[LadyJeanne]

Ah, 22! I remember being 22.

It's not the number of years, it's the number of years of experience - lots of living and growing and learning is packed into the 20s. At her age, I wouldn't have thought to date a 34 year old guy. Maybe a few dates, but not as a relationship. I really couldn't have handled it; I could barely handle the guys my age! I barely could handle myself. I'm still making my way through the owner's manual at 38.

 

[manloveswomen]

I just experienced a new situation today.

I started seing someone close to 2 weeks ago. We hit it off well. I loved everything about her. The way she kissed me, the way she'd cuddle up to me, plus the fact she was very beautiful. I felt like I was on top of the world when I was with her.

A couple of days ago in the morning after I had stayed over at her place, she asked me my age. I have no idea why she didn't know when we firststarted seeing each other.

I told her my age. And she looked concerned. I asked her if it was an issue, and she said she was a little uncomfortable about it. Which made me feel awkward, as we were all cuddled up under the blankets when we were talking at the time.

Later that evening, I asked her if she had thought about it and she said she could deal with it.

Spent the night at herplace again last night, and today she called me as I was about to walk into work. She said she thought it would be better if we didn't see each other anymore in a relationship. When i asked her why, she said it was an issue with the age difference.

I'm 34. She's 22.

So, I ended up booking the day from work due to "personal issues" and have been sitting here feeling old and very rejected. This has never happened to me before and I'm having problems dealing with it.

Any suggestions?

You'r probably better off without her because she may not be ready for the kind of relationship a 34 y.o. person is looking for. You would probably get hurt anyway since she may want to be with someone her own age. It's better to find out now.

 

[short_circutz]

Thank you very much for the replies.

My relationships are far and few in between (does that make sense?lol). I'm very quiet at first in person, and nowhere near as bold as I am online when it comes to flirting. I get very anxious about approching someone and asking them out.

The mutual friend that had set us up feels really bad about the way it turned out.

Yes, ots true it was better to find out now than further into the relationship. It's just that this was the first time I had ever been dumped because I was "too old". I've never had issues with age. I've dated others her age, as well as older women. When I was 21 I was dating a 42 yr old. So age isn't an issue with me.

I have to say again, it's nice to have people who care and all the replies are very appreciated and welcome.

Shortz

 

[Halo_n_horns]

I just experienced a new situation today.

I started seing someone close to 2 weeks ago. We hit it off well. I loved everything about her. The way she kissed me, the way she'd cuddle up to me, plus the fact she was very beautiful. I felt like I was on top of the world when I was with her.

A couple of days ago in the morning after I had stayed over at her place, she asked me my age. I have no idea why she didn't know when we firststarted seeing each other.

I told her my age. And she looked concerned. I asked her if it was an issue, and she said she was a little uncomfortable about it. Which made me feel awkward, as we were all cuddled up under the blankets when we were talking at the time.

Later that evening, I asked her if she had thought about it and she said she could deal with it.

Spent the night at herplace again last night, and today she called me as I was about to walk into work. She said she thought it would be better if we didn't see each other anymore in a relationship. When i asked her why, she said it was an issue with the age difference.

I'm 34. She's 22.

So, I ended up booking the day from work due to "personal issues" and have been sitting here feeling old and very rejected. This has never happened to me before and I'm having problems dealing with it.

Any suggestions?

Just one suggestion; Go look for another 22yr old. If you scored one, you could score another!!! Have fun. Don't sweat it. 18-30yr olds are all over the place, even in Canada from what I've heard.

As a matter of fact, get yourself a few of them. Enjoy the differences that your age brings to the table. Don't look for that one so much as letting that one find you. And then another one ... and then another one ...

 

[human_male]

She's being fukken stoopid. If you're both over eighteen I really can't see a problem. I mean, she likes you and everything's fine and dandy but she finds out you're 34 and she drops you!? I mean... what the fucks ups with that?!

Lets hope she starts missing you and talks to her friends about it and they tell her she's being stupid because age doesn't make a difference and if she likes the guy that should be all that matters. So then she'll phone you and tell you she's made a mistake and you can tell her to piss off. That'd make me feel better.

 

[silverwhisper]

ineedlove quoth
she's showing her age with that behavior!

i think this says it all, dude. to hell w/ her, i say.

ed

 

[sexyjenn]

her loss! really that is a silly reason to break up it is not that much of a age difference.

 

[jadefirefly]

The only age difference -I- would personally raise an eyebrow at would be when one is old enough (and I mean by 18 yrs or more) to be the other's parent. That just weirds me out, but maybe that's because my parents weird me out, hell if I know.... Either way, that's just my personal feeling.

Anyway, sounds to me like she's missing out. You are -not- old, I promise you that. And there are plenty of girls out there that know that, that I'm sure you'll enjoy the company of more than this flaky, age-obsessed child.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Wow - so much harshness for this young woman who was just being honest with him!

 

[Guest]

 

[LadyJeanne]

I agree.

Although for some people age difference is not a concern, for others it is. I'll guess that she tried to deal with it but could not overcome it, and decided it was best to end the relationship.

I'll take that one step further and say that going on a few dates over two weeks is hardly a 'relationship.' They were just starting to get to know each other and you know how that goes - sometimes you meet someone and you're attracted, but when you get to know them, it doesn't work out.

 

[silverwhisper]

ladyjeanne: you know, honesty isn't always the best policy. if i think someone is ugly, i do not look for reasons to say "hey, you're ugly."

ed

 

[LadyJeanne]

ladyjeanne: you know, honesty isn't always the best policy. if i think someone is ugly, i do not look for reasons to say "hey, you're ugly."

ed

But she didn't say, "hey, you're an old man." She just told him she couldn't handle the fact that he was that much older than her. There's nothing insulting about that. He took it as an insult, which I think is excessive...taking a personal day from work to deal with it when they'd only seen each other a few times is probably the kind of thing she wouldn't be able to handle.

It's her thing - she can't handle it and was being honest about it. Like I said, when I think back to how confusing life was at 22 when I was just starting to figure out who I was, I don't think I'd have been able to handle a guy who was 34 and had his life figured out, especially if he were all ready to get serious.

And frankly, all I heard from him about why he 'loved everything about her' was that he liked how she kissed, cuddled, and her beauty.

*shrug*

That's the kind of thing you like about someone you're attracted to, not what you base a whole relationship on. There are all kinds of factors that come into play, and state of mind (age-related or not) is a big one.

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

scalywag: dude, i felt old when i was still in high school. :>

ladyjeanne: that's a fair point.

ed

 

[short_circutz]

And frankly, all I heard from him about why he 'loved everything about her' was that he liked how she kissed, cuddled, and her beauty.

*shrug*

That's the kind of thing you like about someone you're attracted to, not what you base a whole relationship on. There are all kinds of factors that come into play, and state of mind (age-related or not) is a big one.

I look for more than that in a relationship. I'm not a superficial guy. I look under the cover to see whats inside. And if I like what's inside,

Yes we were still getting to know one another. And it was going good until the age thing came up.

Age difference isn't an issue with me. But I do understand that other ppl might have an issue with it.

I'm not faulting her for it, it's just that this is the first time a breakup has happened because I was "too old". And it hit me hard cause I don't nomally feel old.

Travis