Aftercare

[MissTaken]

Here is a link to an article posted at an MSN group.

You may have to join the group to read the article, but it is well worth the effort.

http://groups.msn.com/55bmlfih5hpbag641e6ab1rhc3/mrl.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=664

 

[MissTaken]

I know we have done threads on the topic, but I have a few thoughts to share.

After a scene or even straight love making, I believe both parties need some time to "come down."

For some, it may be what is referred to as "pillow talk" or even just snuggling.

If you add the intensity of a full blown scene to your love making, certainly, the Dom needs to slip from his head space and the sub return to real space.

IT isn't easy, sometimes.

What are some the things you need or do to help this happen?

 

[quietwillow]

aftercare

Especially after a scene I need to be held and snuggled.... Master normally tells me how proud He is of me and calls me His good girl. While we lay there coming down we tell each other we love one another and snuggle and talk quietly if we need to. Then after a period of time one of us says "Smoke?" Then while we smoke we talk aobut the scene both negative feelings and positive feelings and smile a lot

quiet

 

[lark sparrow]

Nods

Snuggling, affectionate words... not a time when I am particularly articulate, so talking about the scene is usually later. Having a drink/food or smoke together can be nice in making your way back.

 

[BlondGirl]

Perhaps I am not the ordinary type of woman. After an intense SM or vanilla experience, I just need to pass out. 10, 15 minutes will usually do before I can be functional. I have also been badgered into sitting up and faking coherency and my overwhelmed stated of mind passes, but not as well as with my short nap. I have never had a lover complain--they typically seem to like those few moments to go pee or whatever else it is they do while I am zonked. If I am very exhaused, I can sleep through the night afterward, that that is uncommon. The endorphin high kickes in after a bit and reminds me that I am invincible and can acomplish anything. I typically use those times to try just that.

 

[Cirrus]

My ex and I never really did formal aftercare. Normally after a scene we'd just cuddle up and take a nap. That was nice because I wanted the closeness without having to talk, and the fit the bill perfectly. A lot later, sometimes even a few days later, we'd talk about the scene or specific things we'd done and what we liked and/or wanted to try. I guess that's aftercare, just a little disjointed.

 

[lassarina]

A few minutes to ground myself back into this world and a glass of ice cold water!!

 

[Goddess Helena]

Cuddling and praise. Sometimes a bit of a nap. A bath or shower afterward. The next day, we talk about how things went and how he felt during our play.
I make sure that he knows how I value him and how proud I am of him.


Helena

 

[justgem]

.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Aftercare is important

I am not romantically involved with my subs, so aftercare is very important. I have posted in depth in other threads, and since I hate to repeat myself, I will not go into details here.

I rarely sleep with a sub, so that all night thing ain't happening.
So I ensure they are fit to get in their cars and drive away before they leave me.

Eb

 

[MissTaken]

Okay all!

Now Imagine a scene wherein you didnt' get that cuddling or down time?

Then, what?

How would you feel?

Can you imagine any physical or emotional problems as a result?

And EB?
What brings you down? I am imagining that a Dom/me needs something to bring them out of that Dom headspace that makes the experience just right for you.

 

[lark sparrow]

Interesting thread, as usual, MissTaken

Okay all!

Now Imagine a scene wherein you didnt' get that cuddling or down time?

Then, what?

How would you feel?

Can you imagine any physical or emotional problems as a result?

It could be part of the scene. Perhaps a punishment, or exploring a different aspect of emotional/psychological play. Or if it was with a more casual play partner, there would be less needed.

Barring that, yes, if I felt "used" in a hurtful way and uncared for emotional problems/isolation would result eventually. It's an important component for me in a bonded partner... feeling intimate, that strong undercurrent of caring, no matter how hard the play is or was. If we are playing with humiliation (because we both enjoy it) it can be especially nice afterwards to reconfirm the "playful" nature of anything that has transpired, and to revel in love and care that makes it all possible.

 

[justgem]

.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Okay all!

Now Imagine a scene wherein you didnt' get that cuddling or down time?

Then, what?

How would you feel?

Can you imagine any physical or emotional problems as a result?

And EB?
What brings you down? I am imagining that a Dom/me needs something to bring them out of that Dom headspace that makes the experience just right for you.

I go to bed, I am exhausted when a sub leaves. I drink a Rolling Rock and hit the hay! I am a simple woman. Men are exhausting creatures anyway.

Eb

 

[Desdemona]

Without aftercare, I feel used. That happened to me with one partner. We talked about it and he told me he just didn't have time. He didn't get another chance.
I usually like some snuggling and quiet talk for a while.