After care.

[cati]

I just can't stand seeing a Dom purr and coo at his sub under her special "sub blanket" for half an hour after a ten minute flogging scene.

Oh I've seen that many times too, Marquis.
I agree with those who have said that... in new relationships more aftercare might be needed and long term not so much.
Thanks for your replies once again.

 

[DVS]

I just can't stand seeing a Dom purr and coo

What Doms purr and coo?

 

[Red Sonja]

What Doms purr and coo?

Ummm... bad ones, or does the phrase "wanna be" fit this scenario?

Seriously, my theory on that whole thing is that they are playing to the audience. The idea of being so super caring and cuddly afterwards makes them seem (or more likely they think they seem) like good Doms to the subbies in the audience. Then, (they hope) those subbies will want to play more with them than with the Doms who leave the sub alone.

Just my theory...

 

[AngelicAssassin]

What Doms purr and coo?

i just about purr when my scalp gets massaged, and i cooed like any idiot father when my little one was a baby.

i've been known to do so at other times, but that's usually setting up the ambush.

 

[DVS]

i just about purr when my scalp gets massaged, and i cooed like any idiot father when my little one was a baby.

i've been known to do so at other times, but that's usually setting up the ambush.

Well, I think the above times would be OK, for most respected Dom.

Personally, I think I do something similar when I'm fucking a sub's throat. I do tend to purr at just the instant I'm cumming.

The feeling of my hot cum shooting down her throat makes her purr, too...just before she is forced to swallow.

Sorry for the mild hijack.

 

[cati]

Yeah but its a great hi-jack !

 

[soapstar]

I have been in situations requiring a lot of aftercare. I was very new then. And I had an emotional attachment. It was crucial to me then. Now I am different but probably because I dont have a significant other that I care for. I dont know. I still love having my ass beat.

 

[DVS]

I think there are some who get into it more than others and so need after care more. I don't think someone who doesn't need after care is enjoying themselves any less, it's just they seem to retain more control, some how.

I'm not an expert on this, but I've played with two different types of woman sub, for the most part. A case in point...one is just the same as the other in many ways, but even when I do the same things to both, one will tend to shake more and act as though she's getting into it more than the other.

But, I know that isn't the case, because the one who seemed to be in control would call me when she got home and say she missed her turn off three times on the way home. The one who needed after care because she went into sub space had no trouble driving home. I did nothing different between the two (I'm and equal opportunity beater), from what I could tell...it was just two different women.

Both were newbies (less than a year experience) and both were similar in age..one mid 40s and the other just 51. I do think one who needed after care was more emotional, and she was a trained musician...a classical pianist, to be exact. The one who didn't need after care was a retired corporate executive who had to fight her way to the top, working among the male executives. She had no problem holding her own.

The one who needed after care was a music teacher. We musicians can be emotional. But does that mean someone else doesn't have thpse same feelings, or is it possible a musician has these feelings closer to the surface?

See, I told you I was no expert at this.

 

[soapstar]

Nice post DVS

I neglected to mention that the man who beat me so sweetly today tucked me into bed with kisses. And then left. I zoned out on my own and am totally fine.

Before I was in a 'relationship' and there were different expectations probably from me and him.

It all comes out in the wash.

 

[DVS]

I neglected to mention that the man who beat me so sweetly today tucked me into bed with kisses. And then left. I zoned out on my own and am totally fine.

Before I was in a 'relationship' and there were different expectations probably from me and him.

It all comes out in the wash.

Yeah, it's whatever suits your style. I'm not that much of a cuddler, but I can, if the situation calls for it. I'm romantic to a point, but I'm less likely to be, unless when I'm that way, it's noticed and appreciated.

 

[soapstar]

Yeah, it's whatever suits your style. I'm not that much of a cuddler, but I can, if the situation calls for it. I'm romantic to a point, but I'm less likely to be, unless when I'm that way, it's noticed and appreciated.

and sometimes the cuddles are really important. I like that you know that. To me a cool person is one who understands what the your partner needs at the time.

I have my moments of being needy and most other times not. I have a preference for both states.

 

[DVS]

and sometimes the cuddles are really important. I like that you know that. To me a cool person is one who understands what the your partner needs at the time.

I have my moments of being needy and most other times not. I have a preference for both states.

I really aim to please the sub, to a point. I know that might sound strange, coming from a Dom, but I enjoy giving them what they want. Sure, I must have what I want, too, but I have no problem giving them what they need, too. After all, they are giving me what I want.

 

[soapstar]

I really aim to please the sub, to a point. I know that might sound strange, coming from a Dom, but I enjoy giving them what they want. Sure, I must have what I want, too, but I have no problem giving them what they need, too. After all, they are giving me what I want.

Its like feeding time at the zoo dammit.

Of course you want to please your sub

It would be fucking wierd if you didnt.

Subbies need feeding and care too!

 

[soapstar]

And other stuff too (winks)

 

[DVS]

Its like feeding time at the zoo dammit.

Of course you want to please your sub

It would be fucking wierd if you didnt.

Subbies need feeding and care too!

Oh, I agree, but, what I mean is, my satisfaction is not complete unless my sub cums. There are Doms who feel they are to be catered to, and the sub must do without. Of course, usually these Doms have a sub who is satisfied in this sort of arrangment, too, so everybody is still getting what they want.

 

[DVS]

And other stuff too (winks)

Oh, I'm very good at the "other stuff" that's needed. And, the stranger, the better.

I'm having a bit of a sneeze attack...gotta go for tonight or I might sneeze myeslf to death. That wouldn't be any fun, I don't think.

 

[soapstar]

Oh, I agree, but, what I mean is, my satisfaction is not complete unless my sub cums. There are Doms who feel they are to be catered to, and the sub must do without. Of course, usually these Doms have a sub who is satisfied in this sort of arrangment, too, so everybody is still getting what they want.

You are lovely.

 

[DustyWolfe]

In my opinion, aftercare is one of the most important parts of the scene. That's the time for comforting, reassuring someone of their worth and making them feel loved. To me, it's cruel to leave a submissive alone after a scene, yet I've seen it done. I've seen subs left alone shaking and crying, still in subspace while their Dom/Domme goes off to be social. Come on... That's the time to really pay attention to them, and really, it will only make them adore you more. Most don't want to admit it but in that period of time they are very needy. They need/crave to be touched and comforted. I'm not saying this all submissives, but it is a good portion of them.

Just my 2 cents

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think there are some who get into it more than others and so need after care more. I don't think someone who doesn't need after care is enjoying themselves any less, it's just they seem to retain more control, some how.
QUOTE]

In part I think you are correct. I find that for me it has become something which is not so needed at times due to the level of trust we have achieved, both in each other and ourselves. I know that he has only both our best interests at heart and that if he chooses to not administer aftercare, it is not a matter of his not wanting or caring about me anymore, just timing and mood....if I feel I need it, I am free to tell him and he will provide it if he feels it is necessary and deserved.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

In my opinion, aftercare is one of the most important parts of the scene. That's the time for comforting, reassuring someone of their worth and making them feel loved. To me, it's cruel to leave a submissive alone after a scene, yet I've seen it done. I've seen subs left alone shaking and crying, still in subspace while their Dom/Domme goes off to be social. Come on... That's the time to really pay attention to them, and really, it will only make them adore you more. Most don't want to admit it but in that period of time they are very needy. They need/crave to be touched and comforted. I'm not saying this all submissives, but it is a good portion of them.

Just my 2 cents

I would think for many in a public arena it would possibly be more important, but there may be some Dom/mes and/or submissives who also get off on the public display and not so much the bonding between 2 people. Is all subjective to people and situations I think,

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I like to make sure everyone is ok, but I make it a point not to pack up.

I unpack, but I do not pack.

I like people to wrap up on a service note.

This last time I played I still have a bondage hangover from Sat. I was wiped out. I expect gratitude, not just to give it.

 

[scottishsebrina]

Aftercare

How important is aftercare for you. What does your Master/Mistress do to bring you down safely?

Aftercare for my Dom/Husband is very important to B/both of us. I go into subspace quite a bit and He feels He needs to be there to look after me. If i do not go into subspace i like the feel of Him holding me under the warm blankets and soothing me. We have really intense scenes involving both control and pain. i personally need the aftercare to become more centered and focused. He needs it because He loves me and loves to care for Me.

Scening without aftercare for either of us would seem like we are letting each other down. i personally like the fact that He extends the care of me into this part of the lifestyle.

sebrina {L} - the collared and married submissive to Lex {s}

 

[Kajira Callista]

I like to make sure everyone is ok, but I make it a point not to pack up.

I unpack, but I do not pack.

I like people to wrap up on a service note.

This last time I played I still have a bondage hangover from Sat. I was wiped out. I expect gratitude, not just to give it.

I love to clean up after...packing toys etc. can i move in now?

 

[WriterDom]

I thought aftercare was getting the pussy juice sucked off my cock.



It's something you work out on an individual basis. One could probably work over KC and flop on the couch and open a beer. Do that to someone who needs aftercare and it would be devastating.

 

[Marquis]

I like people to wrap up on a service note.

As do I.

My experience is a lot more limited than yours, but I find that reversing roles as a form of post scene aftercare almost always puts both sub and Dom in shoes they don't care to be in. Gentle but firm seems to be the way to go.

I've wondered about this and my theory is that bottoms often want to be asked their opinion more than they want to give it. Just being given a request gives them a chance to express themselves in the way they do it, a form of expression they are probably much more comfortable with than being handed the reigns or told to sit back and "chill" while the topsider does bottomwork.