Affairs?

[jloboo]

I know this a touchy subject, but lets touch all over it. How do you feel about affairs? Yay or nay? Can an affair be healthy for a marriage, or does it always destroy one?

 

[ZipBlockBloodie]

I don't mind sleeping around, but if you are married stay loyal or just get a divorce. That's how I feel about it. I mean I see so many people getting married then start cheating, I mean why get married in the first place ? At least be a man or woman about it and just come out say I don't love you anymore and I want to move on.

There is no reason to cheat, if you have kids sit down and talk to them and let them know there will be a change since mommy and daddy don't have feelings for one another. I mean in this day and age the nuclear family is basically a dead concept.

Simple isn't it?

 

[papadoc19]

People are going to do what they are going to do...but at least personally if it isn't working out between us and all efforts to fix the problems have failed I would leave you before I would cheat on you...and I would hope my significant other would offer me the same courtesy and respect.

 

[jloboo]

affair

Im divorced so yeah i can do what i want, we got divorced after we had threesomes and he couldnt handle the after thoughts. But i agree i dont think threesomes, or affairs have a place in a marriage. I know sometimes it works,but its a huge risk to let someone else into the marriage even if both agree.

 

[jenni7]

I don't think many marriages can last through the repercussions of an affair or cheating. To many unknowns and hurts to deal with there. That being said I currently am in an open marriage (for the time being anyhow) and its brought us closer, we communicate better and out sex life with each other has not only increased but is much better than before. So Yes I totally agree with the previous poster that there are a whole lot of risks to having a marriage like mine, and who knows what the future may hold for us, but weve been together 12 years are still in love and have a fabulous sex life so truly I cant complain. But I dont feel like what we are doing is cheating or having an affair. Im either participating with him or we know what each other is doing, where they are at and exactly what goes on. But thats us anyways and I know that's not the norm.

If you are thinking about having an affair, going behind your partners back, and not being honest in your marriage. Its so not worth IMO. Too much to loose especially if you want to stay in your marriage and still love or are in love with your partner.

Sex with others can be really really hot but not nearly as fulfilling as with someone you love.

 

[jloboo]

Open

I agree jenni, i have met several people who have open marriages. I just believe its all about communication with whatever you do, but going behind someones back is wrong and it ends up destroying whatever you have.

 

[Abrams1900]

Ok, here is something from a married males perspective, and at the end, it may be more of a question then anything else. Is the physical part of a relationship any more important that the emotional, intellectual, or mental parts?? For instance, if I'm not stimulated intellectually from my wife (which I'm not), I can, and do find that stimulation from female coworkers. Am I cheating?? If I'm not being sexually stimulated, or "fulfilled" by my wife, is it that wrong to seek it out elsewhere, if that's all it is...sex?

For me, being honest, I have physically cheated before. And one time, I have emotionally cheated on my wife. That where, I attached myself so strongly to this other girl, if something great happened to me, I wanted to tell her first before I wanted to tell my wife. Once I realized that, I felt more horrible then I ever did physically cheating on her.

Ok, so truth in lending here, my situation may be abnormal, as my wife will have sex with me once every three months, so I may be a little desperatebon the physical stuff.

 

[boredVAwife]

I cheated and am going to have to change my screen name soon. Don't do it. I don't regret the woman I was with but I greatly regret the hurt and sense of betrayal I gave to my ex. I was selfish and self centered. I felt like not getting the attention I thought I deserved gave me the right to do what I did. I would have more respect for myself had I been honest and upfront and told him it is over and has been over for a while. That will always be one of my biggest regrets. I am moving on and finding more reasons each and every day to smile but to those of you on the fence, give it a lot of thought. And then think about it some more.

 

[sereneone4u]

I don't mind sleeping around, but if you are married stay loyal or just get a divorce. That's how I feel about it. I mean I see so many people getting married then start cheating, I mean why get married in the first place ? At least be a man or woman about it and just come out say I don't love you anymore and I want to move on.

There is no reason to cheat, if you have kids sit down and talk to them and let them know there will be a change since mommy and daddy don't have feelings for one another. I mean in this day and age the nuclear family is basically a dead concept.

Simple isn't it?

No, it is not that simple.

 

[sexiskye]

I have never cheated on my partners,

but ironically enough I submitted a story today ( not approved yet ) where I was the one he cheated on the girlfriend with.

It was very intense part of the thrill I think for me was the sneaking around.

 

[jenni7]

Ok, here is something from a married males perspective, and at the end, it may be more of a question then anything else. Is the physical part of a relationship any more important that the emotional, intellectual, or mental parts?? For instance, if I'm not stimulated intellectually from my wife (which I'm not), I can, and do find that stimulation from female coworkers. Am I cheating?? If I'm not being sexually stimulated, or "fulfilled" by my wife, is it that wrong to seek it out elsewhere, if that's all it is...sex?

For me, being honest, I have physically cheated before. And one time, I have emotionally cheated on my wife. That where, I attached myself so strongly to this other girl, if something great happened to me, I wanted to tell her first before I wanted to tell my wife. Once I realized that, I felt more horrible then I ever did physically cheating on her.

Ok, so truth in lending here, my situation may be abnormal, as my wife will have sex with me once every three months, so I may be a little desperatebon the physical stuff.

So while physically cheating may have had less of an impact on you vs. the emotional cheating that occured, it in no way takes in account for what she may feel on any level. As a wife if my husband came to me and said for whatever reason he decided to cheat on me emotionally and he was having a hard time dealing with it, and that he had cheated physically and doesnt feel that that's too big of an issue ( or not as big of an issue), b/c there were not emotions just a physical release... as a wife I dont think i would care what his emotional repercussions of cheating were, I would be very hurt and angry on both accounts.

Let me just say, im not judging you, just responding to your post. Each of us has the right to make our own choices and Its not my job to or right to judge you at all.

To answer your above questions, in my opinion anyways, finding intellectual stimulation from others is not cheating. You entitled to friends, cohorts or coworkers and if they provide intellectual stimulation that's great!

Everyone puts their one weight on whats important in their relationship, I personally count the emotional connection to my husband beyond everything else including the sexual stimulation.

And yes if you cheat physically or emotionally because your not getting your needs met on those levels then yes its still cheating. Why not communicate with your wife, try to find solutions if you still love her, and want to stay married, instead of possibly doing permanent damage to your relationship.

 

[jenni7]

No, it is not that simple.

I agree completely, important decisions never are

 

[boredVAwife]

No, it is not that simple.

If only it were. If only foresight was as clear as hindsight. If , IF , IF If a frog had legs he wouldn't bump his butt.

 

[NeonSubtlety]

If literotica.com has taught me one thing, it's that my views on this subject are in an extreme minority, and I'm the wiser to remain silent. But, for someone who loves the sound of his voice as much as I do, it's not easy -- let me tell you.

 

[mrspank30]

I don't think many marriages can last through the repercussions of an affair or cheating. To many unknowns and hurts to deal with there. That being said I currently am in an open marriage (for the time being anyhow) and its brought us closer, we communicate better and out sex life with each other has not only increased but is much better than before. So Yes I totally agree with the previous poster that there are a whole lot of risks to having a marriage like mine, and who knows what the future may hold for us, but weve been together 12 years are still in love and have a fabulous sex life so truly I cant complain. But I dont feel like what we are doing is cheating or having an affair. Im either participating with him or we know what each other is doing, where they are at and exactly what goes on. But thats us anyways and I know that's not the norm.

If you are thinking about having an affair, going behind your partners back, and not being honest in your marriage. Its so not worth IMO. Too much to loose especially if you want to stay in your marriage and still love or are in love with your partner.

Sex with others can be really really hot but not nearly as fulfilling as with someone you love.

I had a relationship with a married couple for about two years and it was great for us all. he and I would take turns pleasing her together or separately. we all gain a great relationship out of it. sadly they moved far away and our physical relationship ended but when a couple is open and honest with each other it can be amazing. it is the deceit and lack of trust and taking advantage that does the real damage.

 

[jenni7]

I had a relationship with a married couple for about two years and it was great for us all. he and I would take turns pleasing her together or separately. we all gain a great relationship out of it. sadly they moved far away and our physical relationship ended but when a couple is open and honest with each other it can be amazing. it is the deceit and lack of trust and taking advantage that does the real damage.

This, This a thousand times!!!!! It will only work if there is open communication, and trust!

 

[jloboo]

communicate

Communication is key, whether you want to have a 3some, be celibate anything you need to communicate!!!! Hi five jenni!

 

[SexyAlison]

Being open about it is what's important. Certainly don't do anything with anyone else unless you know they're okay with it. Personally, I can't imagine only having sex with the same person over and over, so I'd love to find someone who is open to playing around with others.

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

It is not that simple – and you can only believe it is if you have been fortunate enough to:

Not be told “that’s it?” when you move to straddle your husband, but don’t give him a blow job that night. Or you are on pain meds, sound asleep, and he removes the blankets, and you wake up to him sliding his cock into you and you say nothing, because you know it will be over soon. He degrades you, with words, actions and you begin to think that you are nothing more than what he has made you become. You have an affair so that for a moment, in time – no matter how brief that moment is – you are allowed to feel like a woman – cherished, desired, wanted, and loved – even if for nothing more than a fuck. You don’t divorce him, because you think you may still love him, you have kids, and their happiness is a thousand times more important than your own, or perhaps you don’t realize you really are something else, that you can live without his support.

Or maybe

You have an affair, because your spouse was in a motorcycle accident and was left paralyzed just five years into your marriage. You had a son together, but you are a young vibrant woman. You have the affair because he cannot have sex with you anymore, so you take a lover, because you do need that part of your life lived – you don’t tell him because you know he already feels inadequate as a man. So you have the affair, so you do not live “alone” in that way for the next 23 years

These two examples are not examples, but true experiences. Mine? A relatives? Someone from Lit.? Does it really matter? Never sit there and think: Simple defines everything.

 

[Bellatrixie]

No, it is not that simple.

Agreed.

 

[Cymru6969]

Perhaps one aspect which has not yet been touched upon in this thread is the concept of bonds. By convention, at least in traditional marriage ceremonies, a couple will tie their bond to a spoken oath and bond. I wonder how many people in this day and age adhere to those pledges. In days of yore, a "man's" word was his bond. Are we done with bonds? Nothing can ever truly be this simplistic, I realise, but at what point do bonds and vows, as they pertain to our morale compass, cease to define us and our relationships.

Where I live, there are not a great many partners to be had. Still, there are many long-lasting partnerships here amongst simple folk.

 

[gregy70]

I'd love it if the wife cheated on me. It's not really cheating though cause she knows she's allowed.

 

[achingyearning]

This is one of the reasons that I love lit.... because thoughtful, articulate people can be found here sharing deep and honest thoughts... thank you, RH&F

It is not that simple – and you can only believe it is if you have been fortunate enough to:

Not be told “that’s it?” when you move to straddle your husband, but don’t give him a blow job that night. Or you are on pain meds, sound asleep, and he removes the blankets, and you wake up to him sliding his cock into you and you say nothing, because you know it will be over soon. He degrades you, with words, actions and you begin to think that you are nothing more than what he has made you become. You have an affair so that for a moment, in time – no matter how brief that moment is – you are allowed to feel like a woman – cherished, desired, wanted, and loved – even if for nothing more than a fuck. You don’t divorce him, because you think you may still love him, you have kids, and their happiness is a thousand times more important than your own, or perhaps you don’t realize you really are something else, that you can live without his support.

Or maybe

You have an affair, because your spouse was in a motorcycle accident and was left paralyzed just five years into your marriage. You had a son together, but you are a young vibrant woman. You have the affair because he cannot have sex with you anymore, so you take a lover, because you do need that part of your life lived – you don’t tell him because you know he already feels inadequate as a man. So you have the affair, so you do not live “alone” in that way for the next 23 years

These two examples are not examples, but true experiences. Mine? A relatives? Someone from Lit.? Does it really matter? Never sit there and think: Simple defines everything.

 

[afriendg]

It is not that simple – and you can only believe it is if you have been fortunate enough to:

Not be told “that’s it?” when you move to straddle your husband, but don’t give him a blow job that night. Or you are on pain meds, sound asleep, and he removes the blankets, and you wake up to him sliding his cock into you and you say nothing, because you know it will be over soon. He degrades you, with words, actions and you begin to think that you are nothing more than what he has made you become. You have an affair so that for a moment, in time – no matter how brief that moment is – you are allowed to feel like a woman – cherished, desired, wanted, and loved – even if for nothing more than a fuck. You don’t divorce him, because you think you may still love him, you have kids, and their happiness is a thousand times more important than your own, or perhaps you don’t realize you really are something else, that you can live without his support.

Or maybe

You have an affair, because your spouse was in a motorcycle accident and was left paralyzed just five years into your marriage. You had a son together, but you are a young vibrant woman. You have the affair because he cannot have sex with you anymore, so you take a lover, because you do need that part of your life lived – you don’t tell him because you know he already feels inadequate as a man. So you have the affair, so you do not live “alone” in that way for the next 23 years

These two examples are not examples, but true experiences. Mine? A relatives? Someone from Lit.? Does it really matter? Never sit there and think: Simple defines everything.

just came across this post..eloquent..you're right, nothing is ever all that simple..you don't know what someone elses experience really is..thanks for posting..