Advice requested

[curious1972]

Confused…

So let me start out by saying I am in a long-term relationship with a beautiful girl that I love completely. She means the world to me and I feel like I would be completely lost without her.

However, several years ago I was looking at porn online and ran across a gay-oriented website. At first, it appalled me. Nothing against anyone else, I just didn’t have any interest in that stuff. However, soon enough I found myself actively looking for these sites and ‘enjoying’ them. But I always felt ashamed afterwards. The sexual parts of it turned me on, but the romance parts did not.

When I was still single, I had a few encounters with men that at first kinda freaked me out, but looking back they were more enjoyable than they seemed at the time. Since I have been in this current relationship (2+ years) I have not cheated on her in a physical sense, but I feel like I am mentally. Now when I look at any porn, it is exclusively gay male. I seemed to have lost all interest in female porn. Whenever I get the chance, I am online checking various sites out. I feel extremely guilty. I love my girlfriend with all of my heart but I am beginning to wonder if this is more of a ‘friendship’ thing as opposed to any ‘romantic’ thing.

I know I am not 100% gay. When an attractive couple is walking down the street, I look at the girl a LOT more than the guy. But in bed, I find myself imaging being with a guy, even when I am with my girlfriend.

Has anyone on here gone through anything similar to this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

 

[BiCanuckGuy]

Hey man, I can sort of empathise with you. I have been very intersted in exploring my bi side for a long time (8+ years), and like you I have had a few experiences. However I have been very concerned about letting my wife in on my little secret. Turns out I shouldn't have been, as I told her about my bi fantasies and she has been very cool with it. I know we might not have the same circumstances, but for what it's worth, maybe you should let her in on this side of you, that way you are being 100% honest with her, and she may be willing to indulge you. And if she freaks, and runs for the door, maybe it wasn't meant to be. But it pays to be honest with yourself and with her.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you.