Advice please?

[SweetCherry]

ok, I'm asking some serious advice here again. I don't do this too often, but I'm at my wit's end and don't know what to do.

Some of you know I'm having marrital problems, and have been wanting out of my marriage. A few months back, my hub finally said he would leave. Well, he never did, and I sat back waiting for him to go.

Well, now today, I got a call from my bank about the auto loan he's taken out. Last month's payment is over 30 days past dew, and this month's was due last Friday. He said he'd paid last months and I believed him. Well, now we/he owesd over $1009 on a car payment and it means all the rest of the bills will be mine to pay yet again.

This isn't the first time large amounts of money have disappeared lkike that. He lost his wallet a number of times, only to find it later in an alleyway or at the bar a day or 2 later. The cash for paying some major bill or other has disappeared from the place he left it sitting and it must have fallen behind this or that, but it never has.

I dont believe him anymore about anything he says as far as money goes. I can't trust him anymore, and I'm tired of being held back because of his 'extra caricular activites. I know some of his hobbies and where it goes. I also know that money shouldn't be the basis of any relationship. But it is high up there when there's 2 kids to support and only one person can be working.

Can anyone give me a little advice about this? I am just out of ideas.

 

[Tabby432]

No advice. Just hugs.

(((SweetCherry)))

 

[SweetCherry]

Thanx Tabby. Right now, I could use all the higs I can get.

*crying softly*

 

[KillerMuffin]

((((Big hugs))))))

Do you have a lawyer? No? Get one. You can't not afford to do it. He isn't going to make it easy and you'll have to fight over everything, apparently, particularly money. Find a good one now and see what your rights are. Get your name off of his debts if you can. Your lawyer will know. If your name isn't on his debts and you already gave him the money to pay for them, then don't give him another dime to pay it. If your name is on them, decide how much your credit rating is worth to you.

 

[Nogard]

If you have a joint checking account, withdraw all the money now and open a separate account in your name only. Contact a womans shelter, they can give you advice and the name of legal help in your area. If you don't have the money for a lawyer they can still arrange legal help. My sympathies, you are in a mess and I wish you all the best

 

[Simply Me]

Agree with KM..don't let him take advantage of you, you need a lawyer to protect you and your kids.

*Handing you a tissue.*. awwww dont cry Big hugsssssss

 

[MysteryJKR]

i dunno hun. *hugs* im just a kid so either way any advice that I give wont be all that great.

I think ya gotta worry about you. I dont know how the bills work in your case and how the money is. whether its both of yours or whatever and if you just refuse to pay cuz its not your responsibility. I dont know if he would be forced to pay. I know you want out of the marraige but im also sure you probably dont want him arrested. hehe.

Help this last time I guess. Like you said you got two kids to support and you cant trust him at all. Its you and your kids who are important and if that dork of a husband cant realize that he needs to straighten up for yours and his kids sake then like you said.. he isnt worth having around. After this is settled, if you can leave him or kick him out. Something, Cuz its not worth it to have someone like that around who is only making you feel bad. You dont deserve that kinda pain or that kinda responsibility. your not his mother. He is an adult, and he will be ok.

I know what I said isnt a thing you can just go and do but I think that its something to think about and maybe start planning in your head. Sounds to me like you dont need the guy, if you have to help pay for things all the time than you have your own money, and if he is as irresponsible as he sounds then you should kick him out or just dont wait for him to leave and make him cuz your fed up. I wish you all the luck in the world hun. I really do. I wish I had alot more experience in all of this so my advice could be better. But thats all I got. *hugs you tight*

Goodluck and Smile!!

EDIT~~

Yea all that lawyer stuff that was said that wasnt there while I was typing this stuff up. lol.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Well I can't be so nice about this.

Nope - don't exactly know you or your history.

But this lost wallet crap - I've seen it many times before in different forms.

He's fuckin' ya. You need a guy - a father - of responsibility. Responsibility to the family needs.

Selfishly, frivolously - not taking care of family business - and taking care of your own personal business - is not what being a good husband is about.

Get yerself a good man - you - particularly you - need one.

 

[SweetCherry]

THanx, everyone. A few more details.

First, there is no joint account. It was closed down about a month ago, cuz he was writing checks on it and bouncing them. Nost of them were for his little habits, mainly drinking with his buddies and gambling.

Second, I do have a limited income. And I do mean limited. Anyone who knows how disability knows that you get X amount of dollars and that's it, and it comes once a month. Enough to ekk by if I'm careful.

Third, his name is on everything. All the bills, the loans, the house, which is finally paid off. So in theory, he could be a jerk and say it's his and I have to go, in which case I would be totally screwed since I have no place else to go.

Forth, and this kinda of ties in with the income. I can't drive due to my disability. For some reason, if you are classified legally blind, the state yanks your DL real fast. So I can't just pack the car and high tail it outta town.

And Sparky, I do have a good man waiting for me, just he's not here right now to be my strength and hug me atm. He's also not a US citizen so it might take a while before he can hug me. And I know you are being helpful, no matter how you word it.

Again, thank you for the bits of advice. I need to figure out how I want to do this all, because I know I can't live this way any longer.

 

[MysteryJKR]

*hugs SweetCherry again*

I havent kept as good of an eye on this board since my registration so I didnt know about you being on disability, my dad is as well and I know how that goes. I would have worded, or rethought what I said.

But still what I said at the end I mean. Goodluck!

 

[Guest]

*hugs*

I know that your situation is not an easy one.....and I don't know if I can give you any advice that hasn't already been given to you.

The point is.... I think you know what you need to do.......the problem is actually doing it. Like I tell everyone.... where there is a will... there is a way. If he won't leave..... then you might have to. I am sure you have friends who would be willing to take you in.... or family. Then get ya a lawyer and take the ass for everything he owns

 

[SweetCherry]

No worries, Mystery. It's not something I tend to advertise. I try and ignore that fact of my existance as much as possible. About the only thing it gives me a limited form of independance.

*hugs Mystery*

 

[Guest]

and...

I know all about disability.... my brother is on it...... and its hard to make such a small (by most standards) amount of money and make it stretch out.

 

[scylis]

i'm all for the "take him for all he's worth" option! i say we should all chip in some $$ and get her Johny Cochran(sp?)!!

 

[SweetCherry]

Only good thing is I live in a small town and the cost of living isn't too high here. Still high enough tho, to where if I can't manage to keep my hands on my house I might well end up homeless.

 

[SweetCherry]

i'm all for the "take him for all he's worth" option! i say we should all chip in some $$ and get her Johny Cochran(sp?)!!

Hes not worth much, Scylis, tho he still gets paid about 3 times as much as I do in a month. I just want my house and that kind of stuff. The stuff I need to live.

 

[Guest]

Child Support...
wonderful thing... yes yes it is.

 

[scylis]

get any half-decent lawyer and they'll work the drinking and gambling and get you your kids, your house, and some nice child support... throw in your dissability and you're set, sweetie...

*hugs SC real tight*

 

[GuyJD]

I HAD A SIMILIAR PROBLEM

When I was married, I remember once that I had to bust my ass and work 16 hours a day for 2 weeks to bring home a $1200 check (after taxes). I did that to catch up with all of the bills. A week later, the finance company called me telling me that the payment for my truck was late. When I confronted my wife about it, she had every excuse that she could think up but the excuses didn't add up to $1200. So I opened a separate bank account and began handling the bills on my own.

 

[freakygirl]

I'm not sure what state you live in.. as i'm new here.. but anyway, because of your disablility, and his "non" disability, i'm sure you would get the house (due to the fact that it is easier for him to leave than you) In Washington state.. we are a community property state.. so whatever his is.. is yours.. and vice versa.. even though the house is in his name..i'm sure any judge would see that you and the kids should be in the house.. and it would put a hardship on you to move.. seek the advice of an attorney.. i'm sure there are organizations that will help.. you are disabled.. and they have some wonderful groups that have fought hard for you to have some of the best rights in the US.. take advantage of them.. my mom is disabled.. and i say.. hell if they want to give you something... you deserve it (i'm dead set against anyone USING a system when not in need.. but i think if you are entitled.. you should use it.. it's your right)

Be blessed little lady.. you are in my thoughts and prayers..

*hugs*

 

[Kymberley]

Sweet Cherry I hope you read all the good advice here. I had a hubby like yours. I knew that once a month he would have a really good excuse for where he "lost, had stolen, did not get paid the right amount..." that was always expected monthly.

His wallet was lost when he was past due on some of our bills. Or his paycheck was stolen and was not replaced for months.

Never really mattered what excuse he used. It never changed in 6 years. He pawned everything we owned and what I had that was worth anything was sold when I was not looking.

My wedding rings were "lost" so many times, that I bought myself a cheap ten dollar ring and told him it was worth nothing so if it got lost, it was no big deal. I still have that ring to this day. I got rid of him.

Run as fast as you can. Call a lawyer and document every bill you pay. Get a seperate bank account now and close any and all accounts you have with him. Including your charge accounts.

Protect yourself. Let him lose his car. Just take care of yourself.

Good Luck and you will be in my prayers. I know where you are coming from.

 

[Morden]

<Gives SweetCherry the biggest warmest hug>

"Other then looking up your legal rights I can't suggest anything hun just give you a big hug"

 

[Willing and Unsure]

i wish i knew what to tell you, besides that you (and your kids) deserve better than that... it seems like he doesnt care about you, or what should be done... and if i were in your shoes, i'd kick his butt to the curb


*hugs SweetCherry*

i hope it all works out for you

 

[MrBates]

Not A Lawyer.....But,

I'm not a lawyer;
Got no money;

But I can offer a big hug:
{{{{{{{Sweet Cherry}}}}}}}

And a prayer....

MrB

 

[SweetCherry]

Again, I want to thank everyone for their advice and hugs and prayers. I'm facing things as directly as I can right now, and tho he's been able to prove to me it's somehow a bank or post office error, it doesn't change the fact that I can't live this way anymore. I have only to muster my courage, get a spine and stand up for myself for a change.

It's time I gre up and dealt with things like an adult. Now if I can just figure out how to, I'll be in good shape.