Advice needed...Please help...

[Missingmeds]

This is a definite how to...

I am a very sexual person...I am constantly looking for new partners. What I would really like to find is a fuckbuddy that would be consistent.

The problem is that I get alot of men that want to chat. That is okay for a while. I tell them upfront that I don't do cybersex or phone sex because neither one of those things do anything for me.

But when it comes down to the actual meeting I have heard every excuse in the book and some that are just plain out unbelievable. That or they just disappear never to be heard from again.

So how do I tell when a man is actually wanting to meet or if they are just "playing" ?

Answers, suggestions, and ideas are always welcome.

 

[Vixandra]

I really wish I knew how to help you Missingmeds. But I'm not sure on this one- how to see if a guy's truely sincere or if they're pulling your chain.
I do wish you the best of luck though in finding what your seeking.

 

[ReadyOne]

This seems the inverse of the guy's problem:

How do you get through a girl's screening system when she has a zillion responses in her in-box and is making snap judgments as she wades through them all?

 

[Missingmeds]

Ready One, first be honest about what you want. If you are just looking to chat then say so. Include a short bio about things sexual and not that you like, hobbies, and so on.


Second include a picture, and put pic included in the subject line.

Next, stimulate her brain...intrigue her...

Any other questions?


I wish I knew the answer to my question too. Because the men that want to chat but keep delaying the meeting don't seem to understand that I become bored and disinterested if the talking goes on too long.

 

[ReadyOne]

I haven't been out there activly looking for a couple of years now...

What generally gets me is my height (5-4). As an experiment (shame shame on me!) I put out two similar profiles (different times, different systems) and lied only about my height. No responses for a short guy, but several for one with another half foot of height.

Ce'st le vie

 

[Willing and Unsure]

I haven't been out there activly looking for a couple of years now...

What generally gets me is my height (5-4). As an experiment (shame shame on me!) I put out two similar profiles (different times, different systems) and lied only about my height. No responses for a short guy, but several for one with another half foot of height.

Ce'st le vie

the height thing all has to do with women's shoes. some of us just dont feel comfortable when we put on those high heeled shoes and a shorter skirt to really mess with you when you take us out to dinner. I mean really, it's all about the sex appeal thing and feeling comfortable in our newly added height




this is just a joke..... I dont really mean this

 

[Xerxes82]

I really don't think I have any advice for you. Sometimes I wish I could find a woman like you, who actually WANTS to play.

I don't know that there is much you can do beyond being upfront with what YOU want and seeing what happens...

Sorry I'm not much help...

X

 

[Missingmeds]

I really don't think I have any advice for you. Sometimes I wish I could find a woman like you, who actually WANTS to play.

I don't know that there is much you can do beyond being upfront with what YOU want and seeing what happens...

Sorry I'm not much help...

X

It's okay Xerxes82, I totally understand. I guess if you aren't one of these types of men, it is hard to understand.

 

[ReadyOne]

Oh I understand!

I've gotten used to dealing with it and other immutable things like gravity.

Perhaps it's significant that in all of my very good relationships, she has always found me. And only one time was she as short as I.

PS: For me (and I think a lot of males) there's something similar. Men like being able to physically dominate the girl, and being shorter than her is a psychological (if not physical) disadvantage. It helps to have geometry on your side when you throw someone on the bed, grab their ankles, pull them apart, and plunge in!

I'm mostly serious here... Tall, Dark, and Handsome appeals to many!

 

[Missingmeds]

Oh I understand!

I've gotten used to dealing with it and other immutable things like gravity.

Perhaps it's significant that in all of my very good relationships, she has always found me. And only one time was she as short as I.

PS: For me (and I think a lot of males) there's something similar. Men like being able to physically dominate the girl, and being shorter than her is a psychological (if not physical) disadvantage. It helps to have geometry on your side when you throw someone on the bed, grab their ankles, pull them apart, and plunge in!

I'm mostly serious here... Tall, Dark, and Handsome appeals to many!

But I like shorter men, they usually compensation being vertically challenged by being excellent at horizonal anything......

 

[intrigued]

You need to do what I did. I don't know if I just got lucky or what, but it worked. (Though I wasn't searching for a FB, I wanted a relationship) You have to be tactfully blunt. Tell him "I enjoy the 'getting to know' you stages, but at some point, I need to make it real." If he shows no real interest in doing so, move along.
You also need to narrow your search zones and stress your priorities. You can't spend time communicating with men all over the world and expect something to happen, especially for just a FB experience. Limit your exposure of yourself to a geographical range of maybe a 100 miles, you will definetly increase your odds of success.

Good luck to you!

 

[Missingmeds]

I have limited the area, I do not want a relationship, I am blunt and upfront.

I guess the only thing that I haven't straight out said is that I am looking for sex and I really don't care to do the getting to know you stage.

Maybe that would help weed out the whatever you want to call them....

 

[ReadyOne]

With that sort of approach (Hi, let's meet and if I like you we'll go off and make like rabbits), you'd sound too good to be true, not to mention a walking reservoir of STD.

It's a fine line. You really need to know something about your partners, and you don't want to waste time with the game players. I understand it being a no-win situation.

On the other hand, if you can find one or two good ones, you're set for a long time, right?

 

[capricious_chic]

I imagine the problem is weeding through those that just enjoy the fantasy of it and those who actually want to live it.

What are your qualifications to meet someone? For example; what do you need to know about them and how long do you need to be chatting w/them before you feel comfortable meeting?

 

[Missingmeds]

Let me answer two questions.

ReadyOne, I do practice safe sex and yes, I am regularly tested for over 250 some sexually transmitted diseases. Usually that testing happens about once a month. What I am is a walking reservoir of warm, type O blood.

Two, I might meet someone but that doesn't mean that sex is going to happen. I realized that after I typed what I did in my last response as to how it looked but didn't want to change it.

That one or two good ones are exactly what I am looking for.

CC...I need to know enough about them to feel comfortable with them and I need to know enough about them to make sure that I am okay with meeting them. For me, I tend to be very blunt in the questions that I ask. I do set up my safe calls and do it by the book when it happens. Most men it takes about 2 months of chatting before they are comfortable enough to meet. Some longer, some less.

As to qualifications, honesty is the first one and the second is that I have vertifiable (sp?) facts about them. There also has to be intelligent conversation. I enjoy the mental stimulation and I do like to debate and converse on many different topics.

There also has to be that mutual attraction and while I am not looking for a relationship per say, I am looking for friends that can enjoy the benefits of sex on a regular basis.

 

[sheath]

To answer the original question...I think you can tell someone is serious about meeting when they are willing to discuss it just as readily as you are. If he wants to do whatever it takes to arrange schedules, to make time for you, and constantly tells you how much he looks forward to meeting...then he likely is not going to back out.

If he hesitates, then ask why. If he is open and honest about it, even if he wants to wait a little longer...then in my opinion, you just might have a winner there. A man who knows his own mind and what he is truly comfortable with is worth the little bit of extra time to let him grow accustomed to the prospect of meeting you.

If he seems to back out and then doesn't really want to discuss it, or hands you an excuse that is absolutely ridiculous...cut him off at the pass and move on.

S.

 

[capricious_chic]

When it comes to on line those that we really click with seem to be half way around the world.

I would suggest that any one that was serious about having a r/l encounter would be open to the suggestion right away. Not necessarily want to meet right then, but willing to discuss the possibility and how it would be feasible. If they hedge, even at first, it might be a good idea to move on, unless of course they have a valid reason that seems upfront to you.

If it isn't a romantic encounter, strictly physical, I would suggest that perhaps some of the things you listed could be considered a perk - but not necessary. Mentally stimulating and verbose are great, but aren't prerequisites of a friendly and fun fuck.

For instance - all I would really need to know is are they available (ie. single), safe (keep up with health issues and have been tested), and honest (willing to give phone number/address/etc.).
All that is really left at that point is if we are physically attracted to each other. I have plenty of friends to talk with to stimulate my mind - I don't necessarily need that from a fuck, although they can't be downright stupid - so I guess there does need to be at least some mental equality.

Well, that is my take on it. I have had good experiences thus far and haven't really encountered the problem that you have stated.

 

[Ezzy]

I would consider re-writing your advert, and mention the pertinent things in it.

This should make it quicker to sort through the replies for the ones that you are interested in.

"Lady / woman looking for a sexual encounter in or around New York city, not looking for a soul mate, just a regular sexual partner, send honest stimulating replies to sexxywoman@fuckme.com".

If that doesn't get you more of what you want, try any local bar or lounge, if you can't find a sexual encounter in a bar or lounge then the other inhabitants are dead already.

 

[Missingmeds]

I want to think everyone for their replies and suggestions. There are still things that I am pondering that are views from male friends that have given me their answers to my questions.

Just please keep the thoughts and suggestions coming because as we all know, lurkers abound here at Lit. We never know when an answer or thought or suggestion that we share may help someone else that we don't know.

Ezzy, I don't currently have an ad up, but thanks for the suggestion anyway.

CC, yes, mental equality is a necessity for me.

Sheath, as always, thanks.

 

[ReadyOne]

Let me answer two questions.

ReadyOne, I do practice safe sex and yes, I am regularly tested for over 250 some sexually transmitted diseases. Usually that testing happens about once a month. What I am is a walking reservoir of warm, type O blood.

Forgive me, I wasn't saying that YOU had a STD, etc. I was trying to extract the message that most men would receive

 

[Beloved]

Damn, if I'd known it was this easy, I'd have saved us the membership fees to the club.

I thought women looking for fuckbuddies was a thing you only read about in Penthouse letters LOL.

BTW-We live near OH, and I'm not adverse to taking roadtrips

-H

 

[Missingmeds]

No, Beloved, we actually do exist and we are looking but we all seem to have the same problem. I have several friends that are looking for the same thing and I know that they are having the same problem. Part of it could be the location that we are in.

Or the fact that none of us go to bars....

 

[Beloved]

Well we've been long time casual "lurkers" around here and only recently got a screen name, so I'm not to familiar with how they work, but have you tried actually saying that in the personals section? Most guys I know of, if you tell them all your looking for is sex, that's all they'll give you. You tell them you don't want any of the "extras" like chatting, cuddles, etc. that's just an extra bonus thrown in.

 

[Missingmeds]

Oh yes, Beloved, I am very honest about what it is that I am looking for.

But that seems to be the stickler right there. They start out all gun ho for it and then at the last minute back out or worse, don't bother to show up at all. Not advance warning, no phone call and no email to explain why either.

 

[Beloved]

Oh yes, Beloved, I am very honest about what it is that I am looking for.

But that seems to be the stickler right there. They start out all gun ho for it and then at the last minute back out or worse, don't bother to show up at all. Not advance warning, no phone call and no email to explain why either.

Having spent more then a little time in a few adult chats, I can honestly tell you it was one of 2 things. They either got cold feet at the last minute or they figured you were throwing a load of BS their way and didn't feel like traveling a few hours to find out you were a guy with more hair then Sasquatch lol.

Do you just e-mail and cyber chat with them or are there phone calls? Also, when you chat with them, do use a webcam or is it just a few pics passed back and forth? Basically, do you show these guys that there's a real flesh and blood woman on the other side, or is it all 1's and 0's on a computer screen? Most guys I know won't travel more then a halfhour or so to meet somebody who they've never seen except for a few older pics. Maybe that's the problem, they aren't sure if you're real or not.