Advice for a non-lit friend

[Belilica]

Ok, she wants to know how she can set things up, create sparks between her and an ex, where they can't get each other out of their systems... as in, EXTREME tension (sexual) but no action. I'm all out of ideas. Thanks!

Bel

PS if more info is needed, she is willing to provide it (I might even get her registered corrupted...)

 

[Pretty_Lady]

Ok, so I've been corrupted

Help would be great, thanks all!

 

[Hairgrip]

welcome!

i suppose a non sexual body massage is out of the question? i dropped by to see my partner the other day and gave him a full body massage coz he was so tense, back, chest, legs, feet, head and totally missed his groin the entire time. he was so hard at the end it would have been cruel (on me) not to indulge in a bit of play... and i ended up so horny i came 3 times before he did i must confess that i had only intended to visit him for 10mins, and ended up staying for 2hours... but boy was it worth it!

Hx

 

[Pretty_Lady]

I'll have to try that, ask for a backrub someday when it's just the two of us.

oh, and... what is a danda?

 

[soileddove]

Welcome !!!

Ok, so I've been corrupted

Help would be great, thanks all!

I would try dropping by and just going out of your way to touch him. Incendental (spelling??) touches, brushing your breasts against his arm and such. If the tension is there then after a while if you dont start arguing nature will take its course. . I think the way you approach him really depends on the reason you broke up in the first place, who did what and why.
Besides most men (and i say most in the most general way) won't turn down sex if its being offered and they find you attractive.

 

[Pretty_Lady]

Reasons

As far as I have been able to tell, it fucked up because he was terrified by how much he loved me and would become hurtful to try to push me away because he couldn't leave himself. I finally left when I realized that If I'd stayed there any longer I was not going to recover. So I backed away.
In spite, he shunned me totally for about 3 years and we only started speaking about a year ago. Since then our friendship has been steadily increasing and is getting close to where we were prior to dating. Unfortunately we both feel this really strong pull to each other in a more romantic/sexual sense.
I don't know what this pull is and I want to find out. We are much more suited for each other now than we were when we were together because of the growing up we have both done while apart and I am tired of fighting my response to him. It's way too much effort and stress.
Sometimes he just touches me out of the blue in a way that is very significant and he gets upset when he sees me with someone else, even when he knows that it is only the flirting I do with my male friends for fun.
I don't understand these reactions and I am tired of being told that there is nothing there when i can sense it all the time in his behaviour.
In the end I just want to know what the hell is going on with us once and for all.
Anyway, that's the concise version, hopefully it helps with the advice!
Thank you for taking the time to offer me your ideas.

 

[soileddove]

What to do, What to do

It sounds like he is still afraid. I had a guy i used to date off and on and he would do some similar things and i kind of figured it out. He didn't want me on a full time basis but didn't want anyone else to have me so he gave me just enough to keep me interested but not enough to take the relationship further.
You have to decide if this is what hes doing and then decide if you want to involve yourself in a situation like that.
Now on the other hand if he is hinting at making the relationship a little more permanent then I think that you have a good chance of making it work the second time around.

These are just my two cents.

 

[soileddove]

My friends and I refer to guy like that as fisherman. They get you hooked but cant bring themselves to bring you home for dinner lol

 

[Pretty_Lady]

Tahnk you for your thoughts, i do think he's still a little afraid but I think that the fear is diminishing due to the increase in his touchy feely type behaviour. There have been hints that more might be possible in the future so I guess we'll see.

 

[Native Alien]

pretty_lady,

i am not trying to be mean here but i think that there are several questions that you need to ask yourself before you go any farther with this.

Is he seeing anyone else?

If so, is it a steady relationship?

If not, then maybe you should ask him why he isn't?

Ask him straight out what the deal really is?

If he gets angry when he sees you out with someone else that could be an indicator of something that you really don't want to get involved with.

Sorry but soiled dove brought up a very good point, in that he is just giving you enough to keep you interested, the question is why.

 

[Pretty_Lady]

Questions

I have asked all of those questions both of myself and him. The answers to the dating stuff is all no and he says he's not sure how he feels about me. I am willing to cut a little slack given that he has just come off a long term relationship in the last few months. Further, when I said he got angry, I don't think I explained that he does not yell or be mean about it. He simply takes himself elsewhere or very intensly looks elsewhere. Perhaps upset would be a better word. He knows and has admitted that he has no claim on me.
Thank you very much for your concern however. It is nice to know that some people do look out for others.

 

[Native Alien]

if he has just come off a long term relationship then i would worry about the "ole shoe"syndrome.

really i am not trying to be negative here, it is just that sometimes when we think that we want someone so much that we tend to forget to look out for ourselves. we will accept anything that they say just for the feelings that we have. sorry and apologizing now for the generalizations.

as to the intensely looking elsewhere, i would be concerned about that too. it would appear to me (keep in mind that this is just my honest opinion) that he is just using you to for the lust factor and that this is not a relationship that will ever lead anywhere other than the lust. in other words, you are there for the sex and just the sex, and that is all it will ever be, and if not you, then he will look elsewhere.

i apologize for any hurt that this post may have or might cause. i am concerned because i have watched too many people go thru this only in the end to realize that the relationship wasn't there.

 

[soileddove]

I agree with everything Native said.
If he is coming out of a long term relationship then maybe you should give him time to get hisself together. Everyone needs recovery time and some take longer than others. Also you don't want to be his short term rebound relationship that so many get into after a long term break-up.
If he is not giving you satisfactory answers to your direct questions then see other people. You don't have to sleep with them but don't cut yourself off just on the chance that he will finally be albe to give you what you need.
Sometimes its good to be selfish.

 

[Native Alien]

Just wondering how things are going with you.

 

[Pretty_Lady]

How I am

Hey all! Thank you very much for your concern, I really appreciate the advice. I am having a very good day today! I spoke to the boy in question today and asked my "where are we going?" and similar type questions. His response was to admit that he wasn't sure and that he would get back to me soon. I have decided to give him a week or two to think and then get my answers. If I am still getting smokescreened, I am going to pull a disappearing act for a while. If that doesn't work I think I will have to put this away for now. Thank you again for all of your help and if there are any more suggestions, Please let me know.

 

[Monazwx]

I'm just reading this for the first time and thought it deserved a little BUMP!

I've heard alot so far and was wondering if you knew why the relationship that he's just getting out of didn't work out? Also, if he tells you that he just wants to be fuck buddies until he knows what he wants, how will you deal with that? It seems that he still cares about you but doesn't think that he can handle a serious long-term relationship. Just bouncing some thoughts off of ya.

Oh, and welcome newbie!

 

[Belilica]

Glad to see all is going well here on the thread

 

[Pretty_Lady]

More info

The relationship he just left didn't work out because the girl was very insecure and became very abusive. I don't think he is blameless, I'm sure he sometimes did things to provoke her. But i know that he was not the main problem, even she says that.

If he only wants to sleep together I'm not sure what I'll do. I think I'll have to wait and see where we are if that question comes up.

I do think he cares about me and is not ready yet, I just hope he figures enough of his confusion out that he's okay, for the most part. I would like more to happan but my main hope is for him to be okay.