Advice About Swinger Clubs/Parties?

[MarriedMan100]

From time to time my wife and I have talked about attending a swinger club, such as those advertised on the swinglifestyles website. However, we’re not especially interested in having sex with other couples...we really would just find it exciting to be there, and to perhaps have sex with eachother, among others enjoying themselves in the open. I’m worried, however, that we would be seen as gawkers for not participating more “fully,” shall we say. Also, we would feel uncomfortable if others came on strong to us about participating. Does anyone who has attended these events have any thoughts on the subject? Are there any particular swinger clubs or parties that you might recommend we try, given my previous comments? Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[mick52]

swinging parties

I have gone with my wife to several on site parties and only once did we engage in sex with others. No one pressured us, no one made us feel unwelcome, and yes we had sex with each other and enjoyed watching others. So I say go and enjoy it on whatever level you are comfortable with. Most clubs are very strict about No means No and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. We were turned down and we just said ok, did not ask why (what does it matter anyway?)
Good luck

 

[JackOffer]

My late first wife and I used to go to a lot of swingers clubs. The ones we went to wouldn't allow us to have sex with each other (that is for at home), you had to be willing to have sex with the others, that is what swinging is all about.

 

[panty_aussie]

i think going with open mind

i went one with the ex it was ok but it became alot of seperate groups that didnt mix all together.

i think go there see how it is for you, its depends on the people we found that alot of couple were very picky or one partner was into one person but not the other made it harder.

also i think make sure there isnt too much booze involved, we were going to hook up with one couple but his partner was so drunk that it didnt work out she was too drunk so we passed didnt see them again

 

[live4thebj]

I been to one and this mom was my date pretending to be my wife because her hubby couldn't make it. Everyone in the room was old enough to be my grandparents and they all had fuck me eyes and staring at me. I was the youngest person in the room and for the first time in my life I actually felt like a piece of meat.

There was a chance to go to the swinging room, I took the exit instead.

 

[MarriedMan100]

O.K., thank you; I appreciate this information, as well as the comments from others. I think I have a better understanding than I did before.

 

[capri31]

Some beach communities in southern CA have certain gathering places where sensual-minded people can meet, but there's never any "pressure".

https://i.imgbox.com/ms1u9shv.gif

 

[2JST4fun]

In the Midwest

I have been in the L/S since 2008. I was in a long term relationship but at first some couples had an issue with us not being married. At the time in my mid to late 40s and she was the same. Once we found the right club where we felt the general interests were the same it was good. I am still involved with the same club primarily. I took a year or so break while establishing my current relationship. We have been attending intermittently for 5 years. Never any pressure to do anything. Its up to you to determine how deep to be involved. We have had a few hard times in the beginning and from what I know most everyone does. Communication is the key, you have to express how and what you feel with eachother. It is the most respectful environment I and my wife to be have ever been in. I feel she is safer there then any bar we could go to. The parties have a theme most of the time and that make it fun. Even though it all starts sex based, At least in thought. We have found to have the strongest and best friendships even more so than the sex. It takes awhile to wrap your head around, for some couples months and for some a few years. It depends if your toe dipping or jumping in with both feet.

 

[Green_Knight]

I have been in the L/S since 2008. I was in a long term relationship but at first some couples had an issue with us not being married...

That's fascinating. Any idea why? That seems a very traditionalist viewpoint in an age when marriage is becoming a lot less popular and living together more prevalent. I suppose there may be an element that they expect you to prove a genuine interest in and commitment to the lifestyle and that you're not just a couple of friends out for an evening's titillation, but then how difficult is it to fake being married? Or is it, for them, the breach of the marriage vows that makes for the excitement.

 

[HoldYouDown]

My ex and I went to one years ago. There was no pressure. They explained the rules before we entered - you could tap someone's wrist lightly to show interest. If they say no, it means no. People who pressure others are bad for business and asked to leave - these clubs want people to feel comfortable, not tense. Otherwise no one would come back!

I saw a lot of eye-opening stuff and enjoyed it, but I didn't want to partake. My ex was also the jealous type so when another young girl tapped my wrist I knew better than to show interest.

This club was in Buenos Aires of all places!

 

[luckyseven]

Unbeknown to us one of closest friends were swingers. We would never have known except that they picked up on something my wife and I shared one evening concerning how we both felt about no longer wanting to limit our sexual intimacy to each if the circumstances were right and we both felt comfortable with the idea of swapping.

Nothing more was said until they phoned us inviting us to a swinger party. They stressed it would be a gathering of couples in a committed relationship who were open to engaging in spontaneous sexual activities with others in recreational or social activity. They insisted that we were under no pressure and that we were not obliged to swing.

We agreed and went armed with a bottle and an open mind. Surprisingly we weren’t asked to strip as soon as we arrived. Instead, we were encouraged to relax and enjoy the party. The beauty of the party was that there’s no judgement. The host had a pool and we all stripped off and enjoyed the swim. We soon forgot about our nakedness. A room full of happy naked people was sexy and far less intimidating than we originally thought because, at the end of the day, it’s all just fun and no one realised it was our first time.

We hooked up with a great couple and swapped partners, and as agreed prior to the party we both engaged full penetrative sex. We didn’t and haven’t had any problems on compartmentalising the sex we enjoyed and the love we have for each other.

 

[Lascivity]

Most of the ones I've been to have been very low key. Nobody pressured anybody into doing anything, and everyone was welcome even if they were only comfortable watching and not participating. These kinds of parties and gatherings likely wouldn't work - or at least wouldn't be well attended - if people were routinely pressured into doing things they weren't comfortable with.

 

[MarriedMan100]

Again, thanks for your replies, especially these last few; I really appreciate your thoughtful, serious, and informative tone.

 

[bibethhotwet]

As we have been involved in the swinging lifestyle for years first let me say it isn't for everyone. We have seen the positive and negative aspects of swinging, including marriages that were destroyed when one or the other was pushing their partner into doing something they did not want to do. For those who are emotionally comfortable and stable in their relationship it can open up a world of excitement and tighter bonding between the two partners as it has in our case.

One misnomer is that when swingers get together, the clothes come off, the legs are spread, zippers undone and let the screwing begin. That is not the case. Many of the clubs we have attended do not allow on site sex nor have the facilities for such activities. We have been to ones that do but that is the exception and not the rule. Also there is the initial "getting to know you." While we have ended up making it with another couple or bi female first night we met, usually there is a bit of time getting acquainted. We have had couples we socialized with for as long as six months before we had sex.

True swingers are not pushy and are considerate. They never push their mate into something uncomfortable. Once individuals get to know each other and a bit of trust factor is built, then opening up about wants and desires begins and we go from there.

Swinging is a lifestyle that can be fun, exciting and fulfilling but it should be approached with respect and honestly. One other thing, just cause you've "seen it in porn" dosen't mean every woman will take facials, up the ass, etc., Make sure you have a clear understanding of what is and is not allowed. Once you're there....have FUN

 

[Green_Knight]

As we have been involved in the swinging lifestyle for years first let me say it isn't for everyone. We have seen the positive and negative aspects of swinging, including marriages that were destroyed when one or the other was pushing their partner into doing something they did not want to do. For those who are emotionally comfortable and stable in their relationship it can open up a world of excitement and tighter bonding between the two partners as it has in our case.

One misnomer is that when swingers get together, the clothes come off, the legs are spread, zippers undone and let the screwing begin. That is not the case. Many of the clubs we have attended do not allow on site sex nor have the facilities for such activities. We have been to ones that do but that is the exception and not the rule. Also there is the initial "getting to know you." While we have ended up making it with another couple or bi female first night we met, usually there is a bit of time getting acquainted. We have had couples we socialized with for as long as six months before we had sex.

True swingers are not pushy and are considerate. They never push their mate into something uncomfortable. Once individuals get to know each other and a bit of trust factor is built, then opening up about wants and desires begins and we go from there.

Swinging is a lifestyle that can be fun, exciting and fulfilling but it should be approached with respect and honestly. One other thing, just cause you've "seen it in porn" dosen't mean every woman will take facials, up the ass, etc., Make sure you have a clear understanding of what is and is not allowed. Once you're there....have FUN

Good words of advice, well put.

 

[jehoram]

As we have been involved in the swinging lifestyle for years first let me say it isn't for everyone. We have seen the positive and negative aspects of swinging, including marriages that were destroyed when one or the other was pushing their partner into doing something they did not want to do.

I wonder how many of those marriages would have survived even if they hadn't tried to embrace the lifestyle. Would they have been happy with an uneasy armistice, knowing that one partner isn't happy with the status quo?

 

[SCcouple1990]

We don't have a ton of experience, but have been to a club, a hotel party, a house party, and have met couples and singles on "dates".

Each has a different feeling, but for the most part people have not been pushy. The pushy people have been taken care of quickly.

Sometimes we have had sex with others, sometimes with each other, and others times there has been no sex, just socializing and having a good time.

You need to investigate the dress code, attendees (couples only or singles), food, and drinks for any clubs or parties. Clubs are going to be more expensive, but here is also more security and a different clientele

I would suggest you go to a club first and just plan on watching. Have some food and some drinks, and talk to others. If the mood strikes you, have some fun, and let others watch. If you get even more daring, and meet someone you connect with, know what your limits are and enjoy.

Openness and communication are the key. If you are both not voluntarily on the same page things won't turn out well.

One final thing to remember, fantasies are often more fun than reality, even when you enjoy the reality.

 

[cookiecat]

We don't have a ton of experience, but have been to a club, a hotel party, a house party, and have met couples and singles on "dates".

Each has a different feeling, but for the most part people have not been pushy. The pushy people have been taken care of quickly.

Sometimes we have had sex with others, sometimes with each other, and others times there has been no sex, just socializing and having a good time.

You need to investigate the dress code, attendees (couples only or singles), food, and drinks for any clubs or parties. Clubs are going to be more expensive, but here is also more security and a different clientele

I would suggest you go to a club first and just plan on watching. Have some food and some drinks, and talk to others. If the mood strikes you, have some fun, and let others watch. If you get even more daring, and meet someone you connect with, know what your limits are and enjoy.

Openness and communication are the key. If you are both not voluntarily on the same page things won't turn out well.

One final thing to remember, fantasies are often more fun than reality, even when you enjoy the reality.

Everyone has given great advice. I bolded the part I think is super true. So often, the idea of it is more fun than the reality of it. The couples who were successful in this lifestyle seemed to have a really solid foundation in terms of their relationship. I knew two couples whose issues were magnified -- fucking other people became a lightning rod for those issues.

I just wanted to relay an experience... about 10 years ago, I went to a hotel party. It was like a weird high school dance. I went in overalls, a black turtle neck and doc marten boots. Let's just say I wasn't one of the cool kids. But everyone was nice. No pressure. I even got asked to dance. My boyfriend and I mostly observed - we both danced with others and later, had great sex with each other because we were pretty proud we showed up!

Several years later, I became friends with swingers. We had a lot of fun at their parties. Again, there was NO pressure to swing. It was fun to watch, everyone was low key.

 

[Rockwell12]

I'd love to take my wife to a voyeur friendly swingers club. We are both pretty reserved and doubt we'd be up to playing with others but to be able to watch others have sex and witness group situations, orgy, even gangbang type stuff and then have sex with each other would be great.

 

[HesterP]

I do not have a lot of experience but have recently been introduced to a swinger group. This is a small group (19 people) and it is really a sub group of a motorcycle club for retired or soon to be retired military. All of the men and many of the women have known each other for awhile. It is an older group. Mostly in the 50's. Most of the events are mostly social and then those interested can arrange to hook up with another couple or whatever. I have only been to two events and their was not open sex but I think many people made arrangements for later which is what we did. We did s simple swap with another couple.

 

[jakelc]

We went into swinging open minded, not knowing what to expect. We had been dogging for a while and decided swinging was the next step. We used a couple of websites but one of the first couples we met invited us to join them at a club. It was not what we expected, it was a social type of club, more for making introductions and meeting other swingers. They had a set of rules and the club allowed no nudity or sex on their premises, it was more like a meeting place. We did meet a few couples and one of those told us we should try a different club.

The second club was the total opposite, from the joining fee to the rules, it was like a nightclub to start with and clothing was optional although they preferred total nudity was kept to the play rooms. Sexual activity was restricted to the back rooms which had bedrooms stocked with condoms and lube. The main bar had a a small store which sold sex toys, different types of condoms, lube, even poppers. You had to sign a membership form and agree to the rules. You didn't have to take part in anything, no meant no, there were voyeur rooms where you could watch, changing areas, showers etc. It was our favourite place to go when we wanted to let loose. It was usually busy and the membership fee and strict rules meant that it was a lot safer than other, less strict and free clubs. We met a lot of couples who we met up with outside of the club.

My recommendations would be to try it, if either of you feel uncomfortable then don't participate. It's definitely something you both have to be happy with and both have to understand. Swinging can ruin marriages and I've seen it, it can also be a fantastic experience and can heighten a couples sex life and social life.

 

[pace_purr]

I wouldn’t recommend a swingers club for first time there can be a lot of pressure use a contact site and find one or two like minded people and get together with them we went to a swingers club after two or three meets with just a couple and I didn’t see wife for a couple of hours while I swung with two women she’d had half a dozen partners she’d felt a bit pressured could have put her off

 

[HoldYouDown]

I wouldn’t recommend a swingers club for first time there can be a lot of pressure use a contact site and find one or two like minded people and get together with them we went to a swingers club after two or three meets with just a couple and I didn’t see wife for a couple of hours while I swung with two women she’d had half a dozen partners she’d felt a bit pressured could have put her off

IME swingers clubs have strict rules against pressuring patrons. No means no. But a club is only as good as its management so I guess it can happen.

 

[CutieXxero]

From time to time my wife and I have talked about attending a swinger club, such as those advertised on the swinglifestyles website. However, we’re not especially interested in having sex with other couples...we really would just find it exciting to be there, and to perhaps have sex with eachother, among others enjoying themselves in the open. I’m worried, however, that we would be seen as gawkers for not participating more “fully,” shall we say. Also, we would feel uncomfortable if others came on strong to us about participating. Does anyone who has attended these events have any thoughts on the subject? Are there any particular swinger clubs or parties that you might recommend we try, given my previous comments? Any advice would be appreciated.

Each club is going to be different and have different rules on participation and such. The club I go to here is very low pressure but also private. You are not required to dive into having sex with others and actually it is nice to get to know people and take some time before jumping in. I have heard of some though that require sex upon attending to make sure you're not just sightseeing.