eudaemonia
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2005
- Posts
- 869
As those of you who followed my little epic last fall about preparing to *finally* ask a certain someone out, a lot of pent up tension and feelings are coming to the surface as an important date nears. Let me explain.
Briefly, for those who might need to hear an expurgated version of the thread, I found myself extremely attracted to one of my (age-appropriate) professors during my 2-1/2 years as his student. The attraction for me is on several levels and, I suspect, is somewhat mutual. But niether of us has ever let on much except that we enjoy talking in and out of class -- both about our mutual scholarly interests but also about our personal lives and backgrounds -- and that we appreciate each other's input into the other's questions about philosophy, teaching methods, child-rearing (his). Even now we email or run into each other ~once a week. Last fall, minutes before I was going to ask him out because that very day I was no longer technically his student, he mentioned that he'd gotten engaged recently. I was stunned but managed to maintain composure.
In the intervening months, I've been disappointed and sad (extremely so those first few days after the bombshell), have tried to not think about it, and have vacillated between just letting it all go and wondering whether it's even ethical to say anything to him at this late date.
Part of me wishes him all the happiness in the world, as he deserves it and has been through a hell of a lot both professionally and personally the last two years. The other part of me recognizes that we all must pursue our values to experience happiness. When it comes to love, there's a huge ethical component to communicating your feelings and intentions. If you want to be loved, you have to be not only open to it but willing to let the other know that you're willing and desiring to love them back.
That all said, I present to the forum my dilemma: Whether to leave the unspoken remain unsaid and forever hold the peace, or state very plainly and simply and without expectation that I've had very strong feelings for him as man and that reciprocated or not, it won't change how I feel about him as a s a mentor and potential colleague.
I'm under no illusions about being able to control anyone else's feelings and that indeed he may get wigged out. My sense is that he won't and I trust myself to handle it well.
I happened to be reading one of those ethical advice columns in the newspaper a couple of weeks ago and another reader presented a similar dilemma. I was quite surprised, frankly, that the columnist advised that there was nothing wrong with going after what's truly in your heart as long as you're not hurting or harming other persons. The columnist broke it down like this:
By *not* saying anything to the gentleman in question, the fiancee is certainly not being harmed; the gentleman is probably not being harmed but may be somewhat better off if he knew someone else reciprocated his feelings; and the woman with strong feelings is certainly harmed if she never speaks up.
Of course I'm looking for any evidence to support my position. That's natural I think. But if it's also true that I have nothing to lose by speaking up before it's really too late -- the wedding is late next month -- and no one is going to be harmed, then is there any good reason not to speak up?
Thoughts?
Briefly, for those who might need to hear an expurgated version of the thread, I found myself extremely attracted to one of my (age-appropriate) professors during my 2-1/2 years as his student. The attraction for me is on several levels and, I suspect, is somewhat mutual. But niether of us has ever let on much except that we enjoy talking in and out of class -- both about our mutual scholarly interests but also about our personal lives and backgrounds -- and that we appreciate each other's input into the other's questions about philosophy, teaching methods, child-rearing (his). Even now we email or run into each other ~once a week. Last fall, minutes before I was going to ask him out because that very day I was no longer technically his student, he mentioned that he'd gotten engaged recently. I was stunned but managed to maintain composure.
In the intervening months, I've been disappointed and sad (extremely so those first few days after the bombshell), have tried to not think about it, and have vacillated between just letting it all go and wondering whether it's even ethical to say anything to him at this late date.
Part of me wishes him all the happiness in the world, as he deserves it and has been through a hell of a lot both professionally and personally the last two years. The other part of me recognizes that we all must pursue our values to experience happiness. When it comes to love, there's a huge ethical component to communicating your feelings and intentions. If you want to be loved, you have to be not only open to it but willing to let the other know that you're willing and desiring to love them back.
That all said, I present to the forum my dilemma: Whether to leave the unspoken remain unsaid and forever hold the peace, or state very plainly and simply and without expectation that I've had very strong feelings for him as man and that reciprocated or not, it won't change how I feel about him as a s a mentor and potential colleague.
I'm under no illusions about being able to control anyone else's feelings and that indeed he may get wigged out. My sense is that he won't and I trust myself to handle it well.
I happened to be reading one of those ethical advice columns in the newspaper a couple of weeks ago and another reader presented a similar dilemma. I was quite surprised, frankly, that the columnist advised that there was nothing wrong with going after what's truly in your heart as long as you're not hurting or harming other persons. The columnist broke it down like this:
By *not* saying anything to the gentleman in question, the fiancee is certainly not being harmed; the gentleman is probably not being harmed but may be somewhat better off if he knew someone else reciprocated his feelings; and the woman with strong feelings is certainly harmed if she never speaks up.
Of course I'm looking for any evidence to support my position. That's natural I think. But if it's also true that I have nothing to lose by speaking up before it's really too late -- the wedding is late next month -- and no one is going to be harmed, then is there any good reason not to speak up?
Thoughts?
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