about cheating

[nikkiblue]

this had been tossed about before.Wanted to bring it up again,just curious as to why those that cheat,do so.I was married,got cheated on,and cheated on him.For while,he had NO clue.You would think he would ask why I never wanted to have sex with him(was worn out...lol).He just thought i didnt want it.Anyway,I got caught,and he left me.which is just fine anyway.I wanted your stories on why.Lack of sex,spouse is not attractive,just got horny,why?And how do you choose the one that you cheat with?Looks?what?

 

[nikkiblue]

no one?

 

[shadowrnr]

no one?

Well you already listed all the reasons darlin

 

[bmw1080]

this had been tossed about before.Wanted to bring it up again,just curious as to why those that cheat,do so.I was married,got cheated on,and cheated on him.For while,he had NO clue.You would think he would ask why I never wanted to have sex with him(was worn out...lol).He just thought i didnt want it.Anyway,I got caught,and he left me.which is just fine anyway.I wanted your stories on why.Lack of sex,spouse is not attractive,just got horny,why?And how do you choose the one that you cheat with?Looks?what?

Why the double standards from him?

 

[Warmslide]

this had been tossed about before.Wanted to bring it up again,just curious as to why those that cheat,do so.I was married,got cheated on,and cheated on him.For while,he had NO clue.You would think he would ask why I never wanted to have sex with him(was worn out...lol).He just thought i didnt want it.Anyway,I got caught,and he left me.which is just fine anyway.I wanted your stories on why.Lack of sex,spouse is not attractive,just got horny,why?And how do you choose the one that you cheat with?Looks?what?

lack of sex....just got horny.....etc......

 

[silat]

Phermones. Pure and simple. The time I cheated I couldn't explain the attraction, the desire or the lust. The only explination I have is there was something about her, her scent, her being that I simply had to have.
Phermones, chemical attratction.

 

[whitegold290]

how do you explain the unexplainable. For me it was an uncontrollable drive, with any or all of the reasons that you stated.

 

[Grifters]

never cheated myself but most people go looking for other stuff when they aint getting what they want at home.

Tell em what you want, if they dont wanna give it, sooner or later you are gonna go elsewhere, with or without permission.

 

[sinnamongyrl]

edited

 

[justmark]

This thread caught my eye for MANYYYY reasons....I have not cheated on my husband YET...years ago I came VERY close and could not go through with it because he was such a good friend and things just got weird,,,,maybe one would say I am cheating NOW,,,I probally am,,,the thing is,,,I REALLY love this man,,more than he knows,,,and i just dont love my husband(because of the way I have been treated for FAR too long),,,and as weird as it sounds,,,I can NOT bring myself to cheat on HIM,,,,how fucked up is that?,,,,anyway,,,plannning on meeting this person very soon and I hope he fucks me till the stars fall from the sky,,,,,more on this from me later,,,,,

If you change your mind.I am still here.

 

[butterfly_rosen]

Cheating

Well I can not answer why people cheat for sure, but I do know what it is like to be cheated on and it sucks! I have been married for almost eight years. Have I looked at other men? Hell Ya! Other women? Hell Ya! Touched either? Hell No!!
My husband on the other hand, well he can not say the same. About 4 years ago, I was managing a group home, and myself and another coworker went out to dinner with out spouses. My friend and I were discussing a raunchy girl at work that screwed every man that crawled on four legs and barked! Next thing I know on my ANNIVERSARY, I was sitting at work and my friend looked at Raunchy Girl and said you tell her or I will! My husband was calling her after I left, having phone sex with her among other things, while I was taking my son to the doctor!
Needless to say a week later I found out I was pregnant and I stayed!

After he cheated I wanted to cheat on him soooo bad! I couldn't do it! Maybe it was the hormones since I was pregnant at the time! I had a hot guy waiting and willing, I just couldn't do it, I froze! I asked myself WTF I was doing, and left!

Cassandra

 

[nikkiblue]

Well I can not answer why people cheat for sure, but I do know what it is like to be cheated on and it sucks! I have been married for almost eight years. Have I looked at other men? Hell Ya! Other women? Hell Ya! Touched either? Hell No!!
My husband on the other hand, well he can not say the same. About 4 years ago, I was managing a group home, and myself and another coworker went out to dinner with out spouses. My friend and I were discussing a raunchy girl at work that screwed every man that crawled on four legs and barked! Next thing I know on my ANNIVERSARY, I was sitting at work and my friend looked at Raunchy Girl and said you tell her or I will! My husband was calling her after I left, having phone sex with her among other things, while I was taking my son to the doctor!
Needless to say a week later I found out I was pregnant and I stayed!

After he cheated I wanted to cheat on him soooo bad! I couldn't do it! Maybe it was the hormones since I was pregnant at the time! I had a hot guy waiting and willing, I just couldn't do it, I froze! I asked myself WTF I was doing, and left!

Cassandra

And some women STAY.Knowing their fucking husbands cheated.And I will tell you most likely why(she just may be cheating on you).I know its not always 100 % every time.A lot of the times it is though.What better revenge than to stay with him,and cheat on him?And some women stay just because they can't get anything else.

 

[Shimp]

Nikki, my question is am I cheating??? I will always be married and our sex life if great, beside the kids always getting in the way. I get on here and play, tease, role play...Im horny just like all men and porn is boring, I enjoy the mental side of it.

 

[nikkiblue]

Nikki, my question is am I cheating??? I will always be married and our sex life if great, beside the kids always getting in the way. I get on here and play, tease, role play...Im horny just like all men and porn is boring, I enjoy the mental side of it.

You are cheating if your dick is in someone someone else.Otherwise,you are just whacking off.

 

[Cathleen]

You are cheating if your dick is in someone someone else.Otherwise,you are just whacking off.

I respectfully disagree. If you wouldn't tell your spouse what you are doing then you're cheating, in my opinion. In a committed partnership there is an emotional bond as well as physical. Some behaviors can result in giving ones thoughts and emotions to someone other then the SO - that takes a large part away from the primary relationship. But my yardstick is if your behavior is a secret, then it's cheating.

Cheating is a voluntary action too. One cannot blame lust for their actions. We do not have to act on our every thought, want or impluse.

 

[nikkiblue]

I respectfully disagree. If you wouldn't tell your spouse what you are doing then you're cheating, in my opinion. In a committed partnership there is an emotional bond as well as physical. Some behaviors can result in giving ones thoughts and emotions to someone other then the SO - that takes a large part away from the primary relationship. But my yardstick is if your behavior is a secret, then it's cheating.

Do you think then,in that case,phone sex is cheating?Cyber sex is cheating?Whacking off to a picture of someone is cheating?Of course this being done in secret,few spouses,girlfriend/boyfriends would say this is OK to do.

 

[jw2801]

Do you think then,in that case,phone sex is cheating?Cyber sex is cheating?Whacking off to a picture of someone is cheating?Of course this being done in secret,few spouses,girlfriend/boyfriends would say this is OK to do.

You couldn't be more right nikki - there are plenty of reasons people use these boards, and not many of them ever take it any further than online flirting (and perhaps a little cybersex!). Many marriages/relationships last without one of the partners wanting sex - in some cases sex stops all together, and some of us enjoy sex, so if that happens, what do we do? Pay for it ? Eeeuuwwwwww.......

 

[queensrook2]

I read this today and I felt empathy for the author. I'm not saying I agree with all that he presents, but his point of view felt a little familiar.

Who can relate? Who thinks this guy's just a whiny loser? Any other opinions?

So I've had about all I can stand. How is it marriage allows you to take someone sexually hostage? Where the fuck do women get off dictating what is an appropriate amount of sex? You say you just have too much going on and it's not a priority but get your feelings hurt when you get cheated on, sorry not feeling the compassion like I should I guess.

Let me paint a picture. I mostly normal, professional, successful, kind, generous, blah blah blah. I am in my second marriage. The first was as much my fault as hers but one theme that held true was the drastic drop off in sex. What gives?

I have seen the scenario unfold many many times. You meet a guy and you fuck non stop for months. It tapers off but both are feeling pretty satisfied by the quality of sex and both agree that it will always be this way. In fact the guy is assuming this is a cornerstone of the relationship and takes this into consideration when he offers you a huge fucking ring you did nothing to deserve. Am I being to harsh? i don't think so, about 1% of the population of the world has a diamond ring of 1 karat or larger. What makes you so special?

Let me take a different tact, if it costs $8,000 for a ring for 1 or 2 years of pornstar sex so be it, just lay it out there, get it on the table that it's a negotiable contract that comes due every couple years. You agree to be the nasty fuck toy we fell in love with and we will buy you another ring or other appropriate trinket. that's fair isn't it?

But no... it doesn't work out like that. Half a dozen years into your marriage you just don't have time anymore. What used to be a fun quicky on the bathroom counter now is just a pain in the ass. Hmmm where did we go wrong, how did mankind get duped like this? How can we warn the young men who are about to make the fatal mistake of putting a ring on your spoiled finger.

Do I sound bitter? well I guess I do. Let me explain, I'm sure there's more than myself in this unfortunate spot.
My wife of 6 years has had sex with me 12 times this year. Three of the last four times she said "I'm just going to lay here, I don't want to do anything. Just hurry up and get it over with".
The final insult came last week when she said I hate dragging it out, I just want to get my "O" and be done with it. (this takes 5 minutes tops)

I was empathetic for the first six years about how the anti depressants killed your sex drive, I did the research, I recommended the different types that weren't as libido killing as the SSRI's. Enough is enough though.

Let's do the math

5 minutes of sex 12 times a year is one hour of sex per year. ONE FUCKING HOUR...
It used to be one hour or longer each time we had sex when we were dating. WHAT GIVES?

Lets compare that to the 8760 hours in a year. Yes almost 9 thousand hours in a year and you can barely be bothered to fuck for one of them? You should be arrested, you should be fined, you should be publicly humiliated.
Yes, I am being a baby. I totally understand that I am being a raving lunatic.

Why? Because I have tried divorce once. Nevermind that it was financially devastating, life altering, and hell on earth for years. None of that compares to the fact that it forever ruined my relationship with my children, regardless of what you may console yourselves with divorce hurts everyone and no one is better for it unless you are in harms way by staying.

I am so sick of the spoiled, me me me attitude by today's american woman that I could just bite myself.
During the dating phase you told us all your hopes and dreams which mostly consisted of a nice home, kids, a dog, family holidays, vacations, etc.
We told you we liked all that but wanted a car or a motorcycle or a boat to go along with it.

Fast forward half a dozen years. You have all the things you wanted, nevermind the mortgage is oppressive, the activities for the kids cost hundreds of dollars a month, you bitch constantly about how you hate the house you absolutely HAD to have years ago. You have a medicine cabinet full of Paxil, Effexor, vicodin, sleep pills, awake pills, everthing but a fucking horny pill.
You bitch that all your friends have the things you want and you are miserable yet the kids are the best kids in the history of the world, everyone is healthy, you drive an SUV like your friends, you get Starbucks regularly.
WHAT IN YOUR LIFE IS SO HORRIBLE?

Your bored? you don't have your own life? You feel over worked. Don't get me wrong, raising children is the hardest job by far since it rarely affords a break but is it so bad? (Agreed that the kids are so spectacular because of your contstant attention, but if you ignore your marriage it will go the way of a forgotten child too)
You could have been born poor, you could have to work 50 hours a week and take care of the kids, and pay for the mortgage on your own but you don't. Instead you go to play group, you shop, you drive around looking at houses you dream of living in instead of the one you have.

I can see how you don't have any time for sex. I mean after all the guy who sacraficed his own hopes and dreams to finance yours probably isn't worthy of some respect, admiration, and god forbid occasional sex.
(disclaimer time... I know us guys are a pain in the ass to live with that goes without saying)


The moral of the story is that it's just as much your fault as mine that I have taken a lover, she is everything your not. She is carefree, she acts like a total slut because we have an understanding that I prize her above all things for just being her slutty self, not condemning her for it. She doesn't accusingly look at me like I duped her into buying that fucking leper of a house, doesn't tell me that I stole her life from her because she is raising children now.
It is a total vacation from everything you have become.
The funny thing is I would totally be there with you hand in hand praising you instead of her if you would only treat me like a human again. If you would only show the slightest passion, if you would just quit trying to take any possible enjoyment out of life for me and everyone around you then maybe, just maybe we could have a good life.

And please, don't give me the line about the medication and the councilors anymore, it worked for the first six years but it doesn't fly anymore. You came from a good family, you weren't abused, you weren't neglected, you are attractive, funny, kind, sweet at times.

I've saved the best part for last.
I am angry at myself for letting life get here. I should not have loved you so much that I could never say no. I should have not married you so soon, I should have bought all the things I wanted before we married.
Most of all I hate that I am saying these things to a million nobody's in Internet land instead of you. I would, really I would have but we all know what happens when you drink, and you drink a lot these days.


Most of all I can't believe I could be so stupid as to find myself here again. What did I cosmically do wrong? what did I do to piss off God in a past life to deserve this?

I am so fucking pissed off at you for everything, why did you fucking have to fucking be this way? why couldn't you just fucking be sane, why? why, fucking, why? I just want to kick a chair or break a window or something.

WHY?

 

[nikkiblue]

I think that a man that stays in a sexless marriage,and he still wants/needs sex,but won't leave is just a pussy.Grow a pair and get the fuck out!If your wife won't fuck you,then LEAVE!How simple is that?Some men stay because they love the thrill of sneaking around,and some just don't want to pay child support/allimony.So no,I dont feel sorry for this man.

 

[Shimp]

You are cheating if your dick is in someone someone else.Otherwise,you are just whacking off.

Yea!!!! Im just wacking off.

 

[butterfly_rosen]

Reason for staying

And some women STAY.Knowing their fucking husbands cheated.And I will tell you most likely why(she just may be cheating on you).I know its not always 100 % every time.A lot of the times it is though.What better revenge than to stay with him,and cheat on him?And some women stay just because they can't get anything else.

My reason for staying was quite simple, the kids. I thought I owed it to the children and myself to try everything in my powers to make the marriage work. I could have walked away very easily, but when children are involved I believe you do everything in your powers to make it work.

My husband and I created those children out of love, and it was that love that got us through it! To many times in today's world people are quick to throw in the towel, because it is easier than working on it and I was not ready to do that! I had the chance to cheat and couldn't bring myself to do it! I kept thinking that two wrongs wouldn't make what was broke between us work.

After the affair we had my sister take the kids for the weekend, and we realized that we got caught up in the day to day machine! We were new parents, the kids were very young, we didn't go out on dates like we use to, we didn't believe in getting a sitter other than family, we didn't really talk to each other, and sex was more like a chore at the time, that you fit in between the 3 am feeding and the 6 am wake up time and we lost ourselves.

We spent that weekend rediscovering who we were and what we could do to make it work. A marriage has many ups and downs, and if you are lucky you have more up times than down. As shitty as the affair was, I can honestly say it was one of the best things that happened because we found each other!

The communication lines were opened, and a new life began. I look back at the time from when I found out, to present and all of the memories inbetween, and ask myself was it worth me staying? Yes!

Cassandra

 

[Southwestburbs]

Several reason

First off things slowed down big time. We had a baby and it slowed down even more. She used to grab me and unzip my pants and blow me no matter where we were then tell me to fuck her hard. Well, after the kid she fell on ice and hurt her back, no sex with hurt back. She had an operation and they messed it up and made things worst and still needs another surgery. After 4 years of absolutely no sex it got hard to take, what really pushed things was that we didn't do much together or even hold hands becuase I would get horny. Well now it is worst, I get horny when the wind blows. I have cheated two times. At first I felt bad but I had to do something before I exploded.

 

[davro]

I`ve never cheated on anyone.If I`ve wanted to then obviously something`s wrong and it`s time to sort it out and if you cant then get out.I`ve had an affair with a married woman and had occaissional flings with others.That`s their choice but if I`m in a relationship I`m in a relationship and I`ll get out if it`s not working. If I`m not attached emotionally to anyone then I`m up for most things,if I am then I give 100% of myself,otherwise why bother? I dont cheat full stop and that includes anything on the internet.Only my opinion and my choice,what others do is entirely for them to decide and it`s not for me to judge them or what they do,everyone has their own reasons for their own behaviour.I have been cheated on more than once and I`ve got no wish to inflict the feelings I had at the time on anyone I care about.I didn`t even cheat on those who cheated on me,as far as I was concerned the relationship was then over and I got out.

 

[Cathleen]

Do you think then,in that case,phone sex is cheating?Cyber sex is cheating?Whacking off to a picture of someone is cheating?Of course this being done in secret,few spouses,girlfriend/boyfriends would say this is OK to do.

My opinion is that if your actions are kept secret then yes it is cheating. You're cheating physically and emotionally.

I did not judge if cheating is good or bad, right or wrong, rational or irrational (forget the rational thing - we can all rationalize anything, damn, that's just easy). There are many reasons people look outside of their primary relationship - some of those reasons are very justified in my opinion.

All I did was respond to the comment you made.

You are cheating if your dick is in someone someone else.Otherwise,you are just whacking off.

I just don't agree with your comment.

 

[Cathleen]

My reason for staying was quite simple, the kids. I thought I owed it to the children and myself to try everything in my powers to make the marriage work. I could have walked away very easily, but when children are involved I believe you do everything in your powers to make it work.

My husband and I created those children out of love, and it was that love that got us through it! To many times in today's world people are quick to throw in the towel, because it is easier than working on it and I was not ready to do that! I had the chance to cheat and couldn't bring myself to do it! I kept thinking that two wrongs wouldn't make what was broke between us work.

After the affair we had my sister take the kids for the weekend, and we realized that we got caught up in the day to day machine! We were new parents, the kids were very young, we didn't go out on dates like we use to, we didn't believe in getting a sitter other than family, we didn't really talk to each other, and sex was more like a chore at the time, that you fit in between the 3 am feeding and the 6 am wake up time and we lost ourselves.

We spent that weekend rediscovering who we were and what we could do to make it work. A marriage has many ups and downs, and if you are lucky you have more up times than down. As shitty as the affair was, I can honestly say it was one of the best things that happened because we found each other!
The communication lines were opened, and a new life began. I look back at the time from when I found out, to present and all of the memories inbetween, and ask myself was it worth me staying? Yes!

Cassandra

I think that is an amazing thing to say Cassandra... just excellent.

It's so damn easy to get caught up in day to day life and when we're dating there aren't the roles or responsibilities that will come if the relationship becomes more. I'm glad you and your husband found your way back.