? about body image

[CA_milf]

I joined this forum just to ask this question.

I have poor body image. My hubby says he LOVES my body and never complains, but I still don't feel very good about myself.

My boobs are small (36B), and I have had 2 c-sections, so lots of tummy stretch marks, and that stupid tummy flab that plops over my c-section scar (I HATE that) I can't afford a tummy tuck and I do eat pretty well and excercise. I am 5'3" and 132 pounds, so within a healthy weight I think.

So on to my question, is it true that guys really don't notice that stuff in long term committed relationships? My husband says I turn him on no matter what, but to be honest oftentimes it takes me awhile to get turned on because I am so self conscience about my body

And one more ?, dh and I have been wanting to do a threesome or foursome for some time but I just won't follow through with it because I am afraid once we found someone they would change their mind when they saw me naked.

 

[muskokan]

Hey

Before I got pregnant ever I sat around 125 (I was also 16 at the time) now after 5 years and three pregnancies (natural deliveries though) I am sitting at around 140, I have the baby "pooch" of my belly that ALWAYS rolls over the top of my pants no matter what I do and I have stretch marks up and down my thighs, around my belly, all the way around my breats, EVERYWHERE


I met my husband after two children and never seemed to care about my stretch marks from the previous kids, after we had our little girl he's never seemed to think that I have any more stretch marks, he can however tell that I am slightly larger than I was when I met him (I was around 130 then) but he doesn't care and says he still finds me very attractive.

I'm not sure about this but I think that when you are in a long term commited relationship you are more likely to notice things, even minute changes, like that, but you are less likely to see them as a bad thing (I hope this doesn't dissapoint you) I think that people who don't know you as well as a spouse wouldn't notice though and unless your stretch marks are still red/purple and irritated it isn't likely they will notice those either. I actually quite like my stretch marks around my belly, as they have "faded" they turned silvery and kind of sparkle, it's like built in shimmer

Since meeting my hubby I have done a lot of growing in the self esteem department. I look at my body and I see a REAL woman, not some airbrushed model the stretch marks and belly are all my reminders of the children I brought into this world. I would like to flatten my belly a bit more at this point but my youngest is only 6 months.

about the threesome, if you find someone why not send them a picture of you in a bikini or equivelent, that way they see your body and you could put that out of youre head.

edited to add, your boobs are not small. I was a 36B before this pregnancy, now I am a 36C and my hubby says he prefered them before. more than a handful is a waste

 

[restlessnights]

If your husband says he loves your body, believe him. Your self-image has NOTHING to do with him. You're lucky to have someone supportive and loving, but in order to feel better about yourself, you need to accept your body. What can you do to make yourself feel more attractive? What kind of exercise do you do? Weight training is great for toning and shaping your body. Do you take the time to find flattering clothes when you go shopping? How is your self-image otherwise? Are you happy with your place in life? Do you see yourself as an intelligent, useful person?

Have you ever considered getting boudoir pictures taken? I've heard that photographers who specialize in them know exactly how to make you look your best. Maybe that would help to boost your confidence.

 

[greathands660]

Please believe him, As a man I can and do over look all these minor imperfections, to the person inside that wants meee! The biggest turn off is when your lady doesn't feel sexxy and it shows in her attitude towards her man. Guy's are pretty simple, we respond to a sexxy attitude just as easyly as a perfect body. Perfect bodies are rare and usually come with a premadona attitude that sucks. Just my 2 cents, hope I didn't tromp on to many toes.

 

[Eilan]

Good points so far.

When it comes to my body image, I have highs and lows. Sometimes I'll look at myself and think, "Damn, I'm hot!" and a couple of weeks later I'll see the same image in the mirror and think that I'm disgusting. My husband just kinda shakes his head and rolls his eyes.

I have four children, and I know that I'll never had the body that I had when I was 20, but because I went through the pregnancies and deliveries, I have a greater appreciation of what my body is capable of. Yeah, I have a few stretch marks, though I was lucky enough to avoid them for the most part. Yeah, my boobs sag a bit more than I'd like. But if my husband and the partners that I've had since my two youngest kids were born (we've done threesomes) have had a problem with my body, they weren't making it known to me. And if they did have a problem, fuck 'em.

After my second child was born I had PPD and my ex-husband moved out when our little one was two months old. At that time, I discovered that my reaction to stress was to not eat. In eight months, I went from 159 pounds (at six weeks postpartum) to 109 pounds.

Here's the silly thing, though. I'm 5"6' and relatively small-boned, but 109 pounds didn't suit me at all. Today, when I look at pictures of myself from five years ago, I see one of those freaky-looking lollipop-headed celebrities. At the time, however, what I saw was someone who could be a bit more perfect if she'd lose a little more ass flab. I can't believe how irrational I was, particularly when my family and friends were concerned about my health.

I've had two children since then. I'm nowhere near 109 pounds, and I never again will be, barring extreme stress or illness, but most days it doesn't matter. I've been setting small goals for myself. I've started running, and I've gotten back into serious weightlifting.

If there's any point to be taken from my rambling, it's that your feelings definitely aren't uncommon, and that when your husband says you're hot, then you're hot. Believe it.

 

[jasper10101010]

My wife has had our three kids, i love her too much to notice...still get turned on. She has the baby pooch, and stretch marks...she also breast fed, so things aren't like they used to be due to size increase, but she is still very sexy.

I think we tend to look past that in our partners. Now convince my wife she's sexy! Good luck there...

 

[Crea(m)]

Sexy bodies are sexy for so many different reasons, and therefore there are many different kinds of sexy bodies. But they all have one thing in common. In the eye of the beholder, the sexy body is one that is wanted. So the real question is, what makes your body wanted by him?

When it comes to fantasizing, we all have our own ideas of what is a sexy body. You know, the kind of body that you see and instantly makes you begin to IMAGINE the pleasure of having sex with that person because of your physical attraction. In those cases, it is all about the perception of the other person's physical attributes and how you IMAGINE those attributes might get you off.

There is another kind of body that makes us imagine the pleasure of having sex with that person. It is the body that belongs to the person that we KNOW has been able to get us off like no other. So we imagine what the next sexual encounter will be like with that person because we KNOW how fabulous it has been before. With this person, the size and shape of the body has little or nothing to do with what makes that body sexy to us. It is our knowledge of how much pleasure that body can make us feel that makes us want that body.

In the best marriages, spouses find that they have married the person capable of getting them off like no other person can. That makes the wife the sexiest person in the world to the husband, regardless of how her body is shaped. It seems as if maybe you are one of the lucky ones who has that kind of marriage.

Like others have said in the thread, if your husband thinks you are hot, believe him. He is not lying. I bet he wants you more than he wants any other woman. I think that would make for a pretty good definition of being "hot."

 

[silverwhisper]

CA milf: please believe your husband. :> take it from another married guy: my wife may not think she's hot b/c she wears plus sizes, but i think she's the hottest woman on the planet and she rocks my world on a regular basis. :>

ed

 

[emap]

I have a simple little question.

Does he get it up right away when you take your clothes off, does he just take you in the morning, in the evening or on one of those Sunday mornings when your alone?

Course I'll have to rephrase that question since I don't know if he is 'normal' or whether he let's you take charge.

Does he get it up when you order him to, does he let you ride him when you wish and does he cum when ordered?

In case your not catching on, if you have a good normal sex life for you two with kids, then he finds you incredibly hot. Not kidding a man can lie quite well when he needs or wants to, but his cock can't lie, if he gets it up and is cumming with you, your hot. End of discussion.

Also, you are so not alone in that thought, I think I'm ugly many days, my guy has this wonderful cure for it. He grabs me, strips me tosses me on the bed then has his long lasting hung way with me. After he cuddles up with me and asks if I have any questions. My god does that work so well.

 

[mrs.jeepman6]

I have a simple little question.

Does he get it up right away when you take your clothes off, does he just take you in the morning, in the evening or on one of those Sunday mornings when your alone?

Course I'll have to rephrase that question since I don't know if he is 'normal' or whether he let's you take charge.

Does he get it up when you order him to, does he let you ride him when you wish and does he cum when ordered?

In case your not catching on, if you have a good normal sex life for you two with kids, then he finds you incredibly hot. Not kidding a man can lie quite well when he needs or wants to, but his cock can't lie, if he gets it up and is cumming with you, your hot. End of discussion.

Also, you are so not alone in that thought, I think I'm ugly many days, my guy has this wonderful cure for it. He grabs me, strips me tosses me on the bed then has his long lasting hung way with me. After he cuddles up with me and asks if I have any questions. My god does that work so well.

Damn hun did we marry the same man? MIne does almost the exact same thing to me when I have those blue days about my appearance. As I have gotten older I have come to grips with who I am and believe my husband when he tells me just how hot he thinks I am and reminds me we have been married 22 years and he still gets it up 5 or 6 times a week and goes for just as long as I can go so even if I don't think I'm hot he will always be there to remind me to him I am the hottest woman on this or any planet

 

[Flyin_Free]

When it comes to my body image, I have highs and lows. Sometimes I'll look at myself and think, "Damn, I'm hot!" and a couple of weeks later I'll see the same image in the mirror and think that I'm disgusting.

Oh I'll agree with this! I had really poor body image for so many years, and I think because I "thought" that way I even "looked" that way--a lot of how you come accross to other people is how you feel about yourself!

I still have days where I look in the mirror and say yuck but I'm getting better.

 

[footlongish]

FF: why don't you send me some photos of your "yucky" body and I'll help you with your self image...

Seriously, most women are far more beautiful than they give themselves credit for. And if that tummy roll really bothers you, get out and exercise rather than get an operation. You will feel better and you will look better.

If you want an image problem, try being a MAN with a balding head, a big stomach, no cardio vascular capacity and man boobs ! I get nauseas showering at the local gym. But then I don't like men to begin with.

 

[mrs.jeepman6]

FF: why don't you send me some photos of your "yucky" body and I'll help you with your self image...

Seriously, most women are far more beautiful than they give themselves credit for. And if that tummy roll really bothers you, get out and exercise rather than get an operation. You will feel better and you will look better.

If you want an image problem, try being a MAN with a balding head, a big stomach, no cardio vascular capacity and man boobs ! I get nauseas showering at the local gym. But then I don't like men to begin with.

exercise only helps so much with that c-section do-lap as I call it and have had for 18 years but would do wonders for the big stomach, cardio and for loosing the man boobs and these you can actually do in the privacy of your own home and never have to see another mans cock

 

[footlongish]

Just to clarify, I have a full head of hair, a flat stomach and I can ride a bike for hours. I was speaking about what some men must feel. Not myself.

"your boobs are not small. I was a 36B before this pregnancy, now I am a 36C and my hubby says he prefered them before"

I **LOVE** smaller perky breasts. YUM. I hate fake breasts. I'm not a fan of big busted women. You know how women tell men that its not the size of their cock, its what they do with it ? Well, same goes for women and breasts. I get an instant hard on for a woman with small breasts going braless.

 

[human_male]

Well I can tell ya for a start small boobs aren't a problem (but are 36Bs small?). Lots of men dig them, including me.

What you could do if you want proof is have a look at the amateur pic thread. There are women of all shapes and sizes and no end males pouring compliments all over them.

 

[SweetErika]

Poor body image has always plagued me, and it's something I'm trying desperately to change before we get pregnant because our kid deserves better than to fight the same battle.

I won't rehash what others have said, but I will say my experience has been people who care about and are excited by me feel that way because of who I am, mind, personality, and body (scars, flab, stretch marks and all). My husband gets excited because he's with a woman he likes inside and out, she desires him and has a fairly good shape - those are his "requirements."

One thing I've learned through dating in the past few years is there are good matches for nearly everyone. There are always people who will find us attractive, and we wouldn't want to be with those who would reject us due to breast size, stretch marks, a tummy or curves anyway, right?

So, your fears about potential partners rejecting you when they see your body are completely unfounded. If you don't believe that, ask yourself whether you would focus on others' flaws in a sexual situation, and reject someone you really liked because they were less than model-perfect when they undressed. You wouldn't? Well, neither would I, nor anyone I've ever known or heard from!

One last thing: Right around the time I joined Lit, there was a really good thread on stretch marks and imperfections. Some of the members put forth ideas that completely changed the way I thought about myself. Sometimes all it takes is a change in perspective. Below are some of those thoughts that impacted me; you can find them and all the rest here.

as you look at them, think of them as love. Because you got them by making love, to the father of your precious little baby. They can be badge of honor, sprinkled with
much love, for that newest little soul you brought into this world.

Would you have decided not to have this bundle, if you knew of the stretch marks before hand? I, truly think, not.

They are part of who you are and what you've done in your life. Like the internal scars that no one else can see - They represent something that went into making you who you are

They are a part of you and whoever loves you, will love them.

A couple of my ex's had streetch marks, and honestly, I never found them at all unattractive. They sure were self conscious about them though...

Whenever they wanted to chastise themselves or insult their streetch marks, I would kiss them, and tell them that I loved all of them, including those hard to notice marks. If they were nude, I would kiss their stretchmarks, saying "I love these".

Stretch marks are sexy...
...and if you didn't live so far away, maybe I would tell you that.

The right partner will love you for/with/regardless of them, they will be a non-issue in their mind.

When I look at a woman, I do not see a stretch mark LOL

I think my wife's are sexy as hell. I love to trace them all the way to her beautiful breasts even though they don't go all the way up there.

Anyhow, I've realized that most people don't even notice my scars unless I'm a moron and point them out... so, even though I look in the mirror and they appear to be horrifying... most of our blemishes are only dramatized in our minds.

All men and women are beautiful creatures, one way or the other. Stretch marks add to the decor
Be who you are, not who you see everyone else being.

 

[phoenix1224]

So on to my question, is it true that guys really don't notice that stuff in long term committed relationships?

It's not that we don't notice, but that it doesn't matter.

In a long term relationship, the sustained attraction is much more about the emotional bond rather than the physical (as it should be).

 

[firecaptsgirl]

boy are we twins or what lol...I have had two csections and that damn tummy that hangs over I hate it and hate my body my fiance loves it though...Don't get it at all, I prefer to have sex in the dark so he doesn't see my stretch marks etc...Its hard to get over at least for me

 

[ntsu]

Oh I'll agree with this! I had really poor body image for so many years, and I think because I "thought" that way I even "looked" that way--a lot of how you come accross to other people is how you feel about yourself!

I still have days where I look in the mirror and say yuck but I'm getting better.

I think you're damn hot.

 

[firecaptsgirl]

the full length mirror is not my best friend that's for sure

 

[Weird Harold]

I have poor body image. My hubby says he LOVES my body and never complains, but I still don't feel very good about myself.

My boobs are small (36B), and I have had 2 c-sections, so lots of tummy stretch marks, and that stupid tummy flab that plops over my c-section scar (I HATE that) I can't afford a tummy tuck and I do eat pretty well and excercise. I am 5'3" and 132 pounds, so within a healthy weight I think.

As I see it, you have two options:

Deal with the flaws you perceive in your body through targeted exercise.

Or

Deal with your insecurities and learn to love who and what you are -- probably via therapy.

I think the second is probably the better choice in your case -- I don't see anything in your description to indicate your body needs very much "fixing."

So on to my question, is it true that guys really don't notice that stuff in long term committed relationships? My husband says I turn him on no matter what, but to be honest oftentimes it takes me awhile to get turned on because I am so self conscience about my body

If it's a "good" long-term commitment, thenit is most definitely true -- in fact it may be what you think of as "flaws" that your DH is most enamored of.

And one more ?, dh and I have been wanting to do a threesome or foursome for some time but I just won't follow through with it because I am afraid once we found someone they would change their mind when they saw me naked.

Any man who would change his mind when he saw you naked probably is a personality type you'd be unlikely to choose for that kind of situation in the first place -- unless you plan to just pick some random hunk at the Mall.

One way to calm your fears, is to make the invitation at a pool, gym, or other place where you can wear a bikini or scanty shorts and a halter top without being out-of-place -- something that reveals as many of your "flaws" as the law will allow.

 

[CA_milf]

Thank you for the kind replies

Wow I check in today and there are so many kind replies! Thank you so much! I agree with the person who says I may need therapy, LOL I probably do

Hubby and I have a most fabulous sex life, once I turned 30 (last April) I understood what "sexual peak " meant. I can't get enough! But like I said my self image "gets in the way" of the mood sometimes.

I also think my funk had to do with I wasn't able to get to the gym for 3 weeks (I got sick), I went back today (finally!) and it felt SO GOOD. Yes I am hot! At least today I am LOL

I would post pics but I tried and I am just not that computer savvy. I tried using photobucket and using pics straight from my pc but neither worked. (I know the ones on my computer are too big but I have no clue how to make them smaller)

As far as 36 B's being small, they are to me. Only because I had full C's during pg and nursing (so for over 4 years!) and man I really got used to the cleavage and titty fucking . I am VERY lucky in that mine don't sag and still look mostly perky.

Thanks again, I like this place, I think I'll stick around.

Kim

 

[Eilan]

Yes I am hot! At least today I am LOL

That's the spirit!

Welcome to Lit.

 

[HoldenMcCrank]

The sexiest part of a woman

is found between her ears. If you think and act like you are sexy then you are sexy!
When guys are making love or getting laid they are not thinking, "boy her tummy is getting big" They are thinking, "Yess Yess Yess I am getting laid!!!!!!"

My wife and I have had 2 children. Her body isn't what it was when we met. I loved her body then. I love her body more now because of what it has given me. The 2 greatest gifts I could have ever asked for.

Take this from a man who loves his wife more then she will ever know, He loves you and your body but you first.

Holden

 

[gartner83]

I think after you have children, all bets are off. I dont expect myself to keep the same figure when I hit my 30s as I do now, that's just part of life. It's not a big deal, you are only as sexy as you feel. Of course as long as you are somewhat decent, not nasty