A variation of "Let's talk about sex"

[Eilan]

We've talked quite a bit in other threads about discussing STD testing/status with potential sex partners before having sex.

However, what about people (male or female) who are on medications and/or have health problems that affect their sexual performance? Should they let their potential partners know about these issues (without necessarily revealing their entire medical history) before they pursue a physical relationship?

I'm not referring to health/sex issues that crop up well into a relationship; I'm referring to those that are present at the beginning of a relationship.

If you've ever been on either side of this coin, how did you handle it?

FWIW, this isn't something that I'm dealing with at the moment. I'm just curious. Thanks in advance for your responses.

 

[SweetErika]

However, what about people (male or female) who are on medications and/or have health problems that affect their sexual performance? Should they let their potential partners know about these issues (without necessarily revealing their entire medical history) before they pursue a physical relationship?

If you've ever been on either side of this coin, how did you handle it?

I would tell a potential partner and want to be told. If I care about someone enough to want to have sex with them, that's not going to change if they have issues that will affect sexual performance. Though honestly, I may choose to opt-out of a relationship where problems precluded most/all sexual activity or caused a lot of other issues personality-wise, etc. I think I deserve honesty ahead of time though, so we can deal with it together. For example, if a potential partner is on a medication that affects libido, arousal, and ability to orgasm, knowing ahead of time would keep me from thinking, 'What if it's me? He might not be attracted or I'm not good enough.' By the same token, I think my potential partners deserve to know so they can opt-out or we can deal with it.

In the past few months, I've started new relationships, and unfortunately have had limitations due to an injury and medication. I haven't handled it particularly well (I don't like being limited, dammit, and go against my better judgment sometimes), but I have talked with everyone about what I can and can't do, and that it doesn't affect my desire to please, or for, them.

 

[EJFan]

However, what about people (male or female) who are on medications and/or have health problems that affect their sexual performance? Should they let their potential partners know about these issues (without necessarily revealing their entire medical history) before they pursue a physical relationship?

i think it all depends on the seriousness of the emotional facet of the relationship. i think most of us here draw a pretty distinct line between the emotional and physical aspects of sex... and many of us separate them entirely.

if this is the case for a such affected person, i'd say no. no reason to mention it at all (assuming it's nothing contagious/transferrable).

if, however, a person carries these two things together (as i do)... if there's an emotional prerequisite to the physical component of a relationship, then there certiainly should be a discussion about it.

 

[Eilan]

(assuming it's nothing contagious/transferrable)

Yes, I am assuming this.

 

[mrtnmoon]

I've always been honest about it. I used to have erection problems due to being diabetic and possibly as a result of some of my b/p meds, too. if it looked like a relationship was going to get physical, I always made sure I said something in advance so the lady in question didn't think it was a matter of me not finding her attractive enough.

luckily, since I've lost weight it hasn't been as much of an issue

 

[Matadore]

i think it all depends on the seriousness of the emotional facet of the relationship. i think most of us here draw a pretty distinct line between the emotional and physical aspects of sex... and many of us separate them entirely.

if this is the case for a such affected person, i'd say no. no reason to mention it at all (assuming it's nothing contagious/transferrable).

if, however, a person carries these two things together (as i do)... if there's an emotional prerequisite to the physical component of a relationship, then there certiainly should be a discussion about it.

Don't many more women prefer a blend of emotional and sexual than men who are more likely to separate the two? Also don't men tend to experience the physical as a fairly quick and intense activity while women tend to build much more slowly to perhaps just as high or higher intensity and a longer cooling period of physical release?

 

[ewopper]

We've talked quite a bit in other threads about discussing STD testing/status with potential sex partners before having sex.

However, what about people (male or female) who are on medications and/or have health problems that affect their sexual performance? Should they let their potential partners know about these issues (without necessarily revealing their entire medical history) before they pursue a physical relationship?

I'm not referring to health/sex issues that crop up well into a relationship; I'm referring to those that are present at the beginning of a relationship.

If you've ever been on either side of this coin, how did you handle it?

FWIW, this isn't something that I'm dealing with at the moment. I'm just curious. Thanks in advance for your responses.

Having had congestive heart failure and in result an enlarged heart, I usually tell women of my problems. As of yet I haven't had any in 2 yrs, so all I can say is; a lot of the ones I thought was going to give me some, backed off because they were afraid a strong orgasm might take me out lol [no bull].

 

[Batman4ever71]

We've talked quite a bit in other threads about discussing STD testing/status with potential sex partners before having sex.

However, what about people (male or female) who are on medications and/or have health problems that affect their sexual performance? Should they let their potential partners know about these issues (without necessarily revealing their entire medical history) before they pursue a physical relationship?

I'm not referring to health/sex issues that crop up well into a relationship; I'm referring to those that are present at the beginning of a relationship.

If you've ever been on either side of this coin, how did you handle it?

FWIW, this isn't something that I'm dealing with at the moment. I'm just curious. Thanks in advance for your responses.

Good thread Eilan ~ Personally, I suffer from a debilatating neuroligical disease and it often effects whether or not I can get an errection. I went through the big three "hard on" pills. They worked the first time, but after that they were useless. After several painful tests at a urologists office, I discovered a drug that has to be injected into the penis before intercourse. I told my now fiancee right away about the problem and she was really understanding about my problem. After several uses of the injection, I found that I didn't need it anymore. Through several sessions of therapy, I discovered that the problem wasn't with my penis, but in my mind. Having been divorced twice by cheating spouses, I felt inadequate and that I didn't deserve a full erection. After sorting out the issues, I now have no problem getting and maintaining a full erection.

Back to the topic.......I told my fiancee about the problem right away!! I was blessed to find a woman who has a more than healthy sexual appetite and stood with me through all the steps to the resoloution of the problem. I would want a partner to disclose anything like that right away too!! That way I could reciprocate the the same treatment and compassion that my fiancee showed me. After all, it's not all about one person, it's about both!!

Best Wishes To All,
Batman

 

[ultimate_cin]

This is a really great thread....

My boyfriend has problems with nerve damage in his back and legs, and he takes Vicodin to help with the pain. He told me straight up the first time we were together that sometimes he has sexual problems stemming from his Vicodin use...it didn't faze me in the slightest and I was glad that he was so honest with me from the start. I think with something like sex, with the level of intimacy that you share with the other person, honesty and straightforwardness is definitely the best way to go.

 

[leopardlover]

To me...Itd depend I guess. I myself am testosterone deficient. Does many many things (Basically all things even remotely connected to reproduction from mood to physical recuperation) that would affect a relationship. For a one time thing, or casual sex, neither of which ive had and Im not sure if i will, i might not say something. It wont hurt them and it doesnt really matter since i take a shot once a week to at least kinda correct it. But if its a relationship kind of thing...yes. Absolutely. If I am caring enough to be with the person i will tell all and would hope they did too.
Chris

 

[devils_daughter]

Unfortunatly I have to, I contracted Herpes a few months ago, and even though it's not the case now as I'm in a stable relationship, if I do have another partner then it's only fair that I tell them. I wouldn't want to be put at risk and not informed and I can't do that to another person either. Yeh, I'm scared to death about if and when the time comes that I have to tell someone but I've convinced myself that if something like this stops them from wanting to be with me, then I will have saved myself a hell of a lot of wasted time, as it is, the fact that my bf has stuck by me through all of this and even more than that, not been frightened to sleep with me, has made me realise that he's even more special than I thought he was.

 

[Eilan]

I mentioned when I started this thread that this wasn't something that I was dealing with at the moment. It's a given that my husband and I will deal with any health issues that arise if/when that happens.

However, I've had a couple of partners about whom I would have appreciated knowing certain, um, medical details, even though they were casual sexual encounters with no real relationship potential.

I suppose it all boils down to communication (yet again) doesn't it?