A sissy's confession

panty_chap

Virgin
Joined
Nov 17, 2022
Posts
141
I have in the past referred to myself as a reluctant sissy. What I mean by that is, in everyday life I rarely have any desires along those lines. It's not that I try to hide the desire to be a sissy, it truly doesn't exist.

For years I thought it was just a kink. The lingerie, the chats, webcams, all just kinky thrills but not who I truly was. But then something will happen that makes me realize there's more to it than that. As I was being brought to the realization it's not just a kink, there was one thing that I felt exposed me the most.

I had someone on fetlife who was a cyberdom. He encouraged me to do a couple things I didn't think I'd enjoy, but I'd enjoy doing them for someone if that makes any sense. The submission would be fun. Or maybe the humiliation/embarrassment of it. After getting me to accept that I wasn't "straight" he led me down a path to being more of a sissy. One of those things was I had to start training myself to receive pleasure in ways other than direct stimulation. I was to start anal training.

I had used toys before, but the thrill wasn't in how they felt, it was in allowing myself to be penetrated. When this person suggested I needed to get stimulation only though allowing myself to be penetrated, I agreed because the idea of allowing it was exciting. I bought a remote controlled vibrator especially for the upcoming tasks, and later I added a basic plug.

The vibrator was slightly larger than other toys I had used, and at first somewhat hard to accept, but with patience I was able to get there. The feeling was strange but the main thing for me was the fact I had done it. Followed suggestion. Been an obedient sissy.

The vibrations felt nice too of course. I would post a link to control the vibrator so random people could give me a thrill. The surprise when it would jump to life was fun, as was the pattern they would choose to use with me. And that's when I realized my body would betray me. As much as I told myself that the enjoyment was in doing something I didn't like simply because I was being submissive, I found that the wet spots in the front of my panties were bigger than usual. It was hard to deny I like the sensation of being penetrated (and shaken) when my panties were getting wet.

And they were getting SO wet. I never came but there were times when they were wetter than if I had. The flow of pre-cum was so heavy I could actually feel it moving through me. I loved it. No control. My body betraying my thoughts that I didn't like it. Of course I liked it.

I liked being fucked by a vibrator. With experience it got easier to slide in. I got to the point where just inserting it was enough to force pre-cum into my panties.

After one early session, I removed the vibrator but could still it's effect. It felt good even after pulling it out. I was hooked.

So now, in my every day "straight" life I can't believe that I like anal sex, but I know that if something were to penetrate me my moan would be pleasure.

I can't deny it. The wet spot on the front of my panties would give it away. I'm a sissy who wants to get fucked. Who wants to feel a vibrator or dildo or cock sliding into my lubricated sissy pussy. I can't believe I'm typing this, I would never admit it in everyday life, but it's true.
 
I have in the past referred to myself as a reluctant sissy. What I mean by that is, in everyday life I rarely have any desires along those lines. It's not that I try to hide the desire to be a sissy, it truly doesn't exist.

For years I thought it was just a kink. The lingerie, the chats, webcams, all just kinky thrills but not who I truly was. But then something will happen that makes me realize there's more to it than that. As I was being brought to the realization it's not just a kink, there was one thing that I felt exposed me the most.

I had someone on fetlife who was a cyberdom. He encouraged me to do a couple things I didn't think I'd enjoy, but I'd enjoy doing them for someone if that makes any sense. The submission would be fun. Or maybe the humiliation/embarrassment of it. After getting me to accept that I wasn't "straight" he led me down a path to being more of a sissy. One of those things was I had to start training myself to receive pleasure in ways other than direct stimulation. I was to start anal training.

I had used toys before, but the thrill wasn't in how they felt, it was in allowing myself to be penetrated. When this person suggested I needed to get stimulation only though allowing myself to be penetrated, I agreed because the idea of allowing it was exciting. I bought a remote controlled vibrator especially for the upcoming tasks, and later I added a basic plug.

The vibrator was slightly larger than other toys I had used, and at first somewhat hard to accept, but with patience I was able to get there. The feeling was strange but the main thing for me was the fact I had done it. Followed suggestion. Been an obedient sissy.

The vibrations felt nice too of course. I would post a link to control the vibrator so random people could give me a thrill. The surprise when it would jump to life was fun, as was the pattern they would choose to use with me. And that's when I realized my body would betray me. As much as I told myself that the enjoyment was in doing something I didn't like simply because I was being submissive, I found that the wet spots in the front of my panties were bigger than usual. It was hard to deny I like the sensation of being penetrated (and shaken) when my panties were getting wet.

And they were getting SO wet. I never came but there were times when they were wetter than if I had. The flow of pre-cum was so heavy I could actually feel it moving through me. I loved it. No control. My body betraying my thoughts that I didn't like it. Of course I liked it.

I liked being fucked by a vibrator. With experience it got easier to slide in. I got to the point where just inserting it was enough to force pre-cum into my panties.

After one early session, I removed the vibrator but could still it's effect. It felt good even after pulling it out. I was hooked.

So now, in my every day "straight" life I can't believe that I like anal sex, but I know that if something were to penetrate me my moan would be pleasure.

I can't deny it. The wet spot on the front of my panties would give it away. I'm a sissy who wants to get fucked. Who wants to feel a vibrator or dildo or cock sliding into my lubricated sissy pussy. I can't believe I'm typing this, I would never admit it in everyday life, but it's true.
Thanks for telling us your story so fully. "I'm a sissy who wants to get fucked" sums it all up
 
I have in the past referred to myself as a reluctant sissy. What I mean by that is, in everyday life I rarely have any desires along those lines. It's not that I try to hide the desire to be a sissy, it truly doesn't exist.

For years I thought it was just a kink. The lingerie, the chats, webcams, all just kinky thrills but not who I truly was. But then something will happen that makes me realize there's more to it than that. As I was being brought to the realization it's not just a kink, there was one thing that I felt exposed me the most.

I had someone on fetlife who was a cyberdom. He encouraged me to do a couple things I didn't think I'd enjoy, but I'd enjoy doing them for someone if that makes any sense. The submission would be fun. Or maybe the humiliation/embarrassment of it. After getting me to accept that I wasn't "straight" he led me down a path to being more of a sissy. One of those things was I had to start training myself to receive pleasure in ways other than direct stimulation. I was to start anal training.

I had used toys before, but the thrill wasn't in how they felt, it was in allowing myself to be penetrated. When this person suggested I needed to get stimulation only though allowing myself to be penetrated, I agreed because the idea of allowing it was exciting. I bought a remote controlled vibrator especially for the upcoming tasks, and later I added a basic plug.

The vibrator was slightly larger than other toys I had used, and at first somewhat hard to accept, but with patience I was able to get there. The feeling was strange but the main thing for me was the fact I had done it. Followed suggestion. Been an obedient sissy.

The vibrations felt nice too of course. I would post a link to control the vibrator so random people could give me a thrill. The surprise when it would jump to life was fun, as was the pattern they would choose to use with me. And that's when I realized my body would betray me. As much as I told myself that the enjoyment was in doing something I didn't like simply because I was being submissive, I found that the wet spots in the front of my panties were bigger than usual. It was hard to deny I like the sensation of being penetrated (and shaken) when my panties were getting wet.

And they were getting SO wet. I never came but there were times when they were wetter than if I had. The flow of pre-cum was so heavy I could actually feel it moving through me. I loved it. No control. My body betraying my thoughts that I didn't like it. Of course I liked it.

I liked being fucked by a vibrator. With experience it got easier to slide in. I got to the point where just inserting it was enough to force pre-cum into my panties.

After one early session, I removed the vibrator but could still it's effect. It felt good even after pulling it out. I was hooked.

So now, in my every day "straight" life I can't believe that I like anal sex, but I know that if something were to penetrate me my moan would be pleasure.

I can't deny it. The wet spot on the front of my panties would give it away. I'm a sissy who wants to get fucked. Who wants to feel a vibrator or dildo or cock sliding into my lubricated sissy pussy. I can't believe I'm typing this, I would never admit it in everyday life, but it's true.
That is so cool. I can totally relate and completely understand what you are feeling.
 
I have in the past referred to myself as a reluctant sissy. What I mean by that is, in everyday life I rarely have any desires along those lines. It's not that I try to hide the desire to be a sissy, it truly doesn't exist.

For years I thought it was just a kink. The lingerie, the chats, webcams, all just kinky thrills but not who I truly was. But then something will happen that makes me realize there's more to it than that. As I was being brought to the realization it's not just a kink, there was one thing that I felt exposed me the most.

I had someone on fetlife who was a cyberdom. He encouraged me to do a couple things I didn't think I'd enjoy, but I'd enjoy doing them for someone if that makes any sense. The submission would be fun. Or maybe the humiliation/embarrassment of it. After getting me to accept that I wasn't "straight" he led me down a path to being more of a sissy. One of those things was I had to start training myself to receive pleasure in ways other than direct stimulation. I was to start anal training.

I had used toys before, but the thrill wasn't in how they felt, it was in allowing myself to be penetrated. When this person suggested I needed to get stimulation only though allowing myself to be penetrated, I agreed because the idea of allowing it was exciting. I bought a remote controlled vibrator especially for the upcoming tasks, and later I added a basic plug.

The vibrator was slightly larger than other toys I had used, and at first somewhat hard to accept, but with patience I was able to get there. The feeling was strange but the main thing for me was the fact I had done it. Followed suggestion. Been an obedient sissy.

The vibrations felt nice too of course. I would post a link to control the vibrator so random people could give me a thrill. The surprise when it would jump to life was fun, as was the pattern they would choose to use with me. And that's when I realized my body would betray me. As much as I told myself that the enjoyment was in doing something I didn't like simply because I was being submissive, I found that the wet spots in the front of my panties were bigger than usual. It was hard to deny I like the sensation of being penetrated (and shaken) when my panties were getting wet.

And they were getting SO wet. I never came but there were times when they were wetter than if I had. The flow of pre-cum was so heavy I could actually feel it moving through me. I loved it. No control. My body betraying my thoughts that I didn't like it. Of course I liked it.

I liked being fucked by a vibrator. With experience it got easier to slide in. I got to the point where just inserting it was enough to force pre-cum into my panties.

After one early session, I removed the vibrator but could still it's effect. It felt good even after pulling it out. I was hooked.

So now, in my every day "straight" life I can't believe that I like anal sex, but I know that if something were to penetrate me my moan would be pleasure.

I can't deny it. The wet spot on the front of my panties would give it away. I'm a sissy who wants to get fucked. Who wants to feel a vibrator or dildo or cock sliding into my lubricated sissy pussy. I can't believe I'm typing this, I would never admit it in everyday life, but it's true.
You are most definitely not alone my feminine friend. As a middle aged man, feeling like I have finally touched/ found the woman who has been inside of me trying to get out is such an amazing experience. From my closet to yours, cheers 🍻
 
I am a reluctant sissy who would be horrified to admit it in person to someone, but know that I have that side of me. Put me in lingerie, take control, and I feel duty bound to serve and entertain.
The quote is from a post in another thread, but as I got into it I realized this didn't really fit that one and it might make more sense here.

I had backed off of my sissy tendencies lately, telling myself it was a fetish, not a real desire. I never saw a guy in real life and had a desire to submit after all. And I never saw a woman and thought she'd enjoy being with a guy in panties. It was just a fun little fantasy.

Then on New Year's Eve I decided to slip into panties after showering, because why not? As the night went on I realized how much I enjoy the feel of panties, both physically and emotionally. That's real, so I should wear them more. I've worn them every day since. I've started the process of removing body hair again (yes, for me it's a process.) I even started to pay attention to how men were looking at me - it seems there are signs I am blind to but shouldn't be. I should at least try to be aware if I should be showing more of my sissy side to someone who might be interested in me.

This morning my wife saw me in panties for the first time in quite a while. She "caught" me I suppose, but I have been doing things with a risk of being caught so it wasn't a shock. I did playfully cover up when I saw her though.

She asked why I was in panties (not in a bad way, she was smiling) and I told he about wearing them on New Year's and recalling how fun they were. She asked if I was embarrassed about being in them. I said yes, a little. She asked why I was embarrssed. I wasn't expecting that.

It's the little things, but I took that as a sign to keep going. My panties aren't hidden in my drawer anymore, they are out in the open where she will see them whenever she opens it. I put them in the normal laundry instead of washing them when she's not around.

I'm planning on referring to myself as her sissy husband to see how she reacts. When I first openly wore them she asked if she was turing me gay. I aid no, maybe a sissy but not gay. She didn't react at all. She may not have understood. But I think it may be time to tell her I'm open to serving a male... her sissy husband is a potential cocksucker. And not against being pegged/fucked. And by "not against" I mean yes please.

Or maybe I'll wait for that, I'm thinking I may explore the possibilites of her buying me things to wear, and not just panties.

Yeah, sure. It's just a fun little fetish. Uh huh...
 
Glad your wife seems to understand you. It’s a journey for both of you. Keep talking to her and keep her involved. Best of luck!
 
The OP seems to me to warrant a good deal of thought and study. Re-reading "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" in which the author describes how men and women react to sexual images. It might be time to posit that the reaction gay men have to "porn" is different that what is ascribed to men and women. VERY interesting post.
Let us hope your life is rewarding in every way.
e
 
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