a rant due to sexual frustration!

[rosebud5446]

so T has had this... something on his penis for a few weeks. we went to the doc. a couple weeks age, we were afraid it was herpes, but he showed up clean for every std out there. (whew!) but i still don't think the doc. knows what the fuck he's doing. he gave him this salve, and it didn't work, so he gave him another, and to me, it looks worse possibly. it doesn't hurt him, unless he is having sex. (we tried a couple times) and i know he's been jacking off, however not as much as he usually does when he goes without sex. i have given up on masturbating now, because even though i orgasm, i want the physical closeness with it, and it just frustrates me more! it's not fair that he's the one with the sore and he still gets satisfied somewhat and it's even making me jealous. both because he is getting his rocks off, but also because it is probably to another woman, because the girls in his videos aren't like me, and it makes me feel undesired at times. blah! i could go on forever, but now i just want to go off and cry. i miss him

 

[Cockyfox]

First, just because your man jacks off to a certain video it doesn't necessarily mean that the chicks in the video are what/who he prefers.

Second, why not mutual masturbation? Why can't he perform cunnilingus? Etc...etc....there are more options than vagina to penis action.

Third, tell him how you feel about it. Keeping quiet won't really help you.

Fourth, get a second medical opinion and do it soon.

 

[silverwhisper]

what CF said.

ed

 

[rosebud5446]

1. i know, but it makes me feel like he doesn't miss ME as much, because he's masturbating to women not like me in the slightest
2. we were doing that in the beginning, he/we just get to excited, he tries to go for the gold, and it doesn't work and kills the mood, and i don't think he gets that i'm not horny as much in the sense that i wanna get fucked like a wild animal as i want the closeness and the intimacy. he likes passionate sex, but he thinks it always has to be rough, and when i suggest we have sweeter or passionate sex which is just as hot, he says 'you always want that', well, yeah i ask for it, because if i didn't i would just get the rough stuff. he acts like we're going to have this kinky sex when we can again, but i don't want kink, and that's all he ever wants.
3. yes, i know i need to tell him about it. about all the other stuff i just talked about too... i think today i'm just kind of getting tired about it and blowing up, and realizing these things, so i will talk to him when he gets off work, just need to figure out how? and how to bring it up?
4. i don't like his doc. he seems like he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about i told T that if it's not better by Tuesday, he needs to go to my docter who will mabye give a better opinion.

 

[rosebud5446]

also, i don't think the masturbating is helping. if it's okay to masturbate, shouldn't he be able to fuck me? and it's probably prolonging whatever this thing is, plus he said he wasn't going to for a few days (when we thought it was almost better) and the very next morning, he shoes me out of his house, and i come back and he's been looking at porn.

plus i'm worried about bringing this up, because he might get defensive, and when he gets defensive, he starts arguing and tries to turn it around.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Sexually frustrated or not, you should NOT fuck anyone with a genital sore until it's diagnosed. Are you absolutely sure he actually went to a doctor?

It's possible that he just caught his dick in his zipper & is too embarrassed to admit it.

To be honest he sounds like an insensitive idiot. It's obvious that masturbation will prolong the healing period, but he's too silly to wait. He doesn't give you the kind of sex you enjoy anyway & could care less whether you enjoy it. He is happy to risk your health as well as his own. Surely you can do better than him.

Forget about being jealous of porn. It's simply a form of entertainment. It has no emotional meaning & is not a threat to you in any way, shape or form. Get over it. Better still, get over HIM.

 

[rosebud5446]

i went with him to the doc. both times. he didn't get it caught in a zipper. i think what it might be is he didn't wash himself off after sex and it gave him a rash. i dunno. also, when we have been trying any sexual play lately, we've used condoms. we did absolutely nothing until we got the results back that it wasn't an std, just a rash, and we talked to the doctor together. he cares about pleasing me, i just havent been verbal enough yet in the fact that sometimes i really don't want rough or kinky sex. whether it's me or him that's being rough i just ask for the passionate stuff, he's like 'aww, you always ask for that' and he gives in. but it's anoying because it's not that i always want it, it's that it's the only thing i have to ask for to get. which i need to explain to him.

 

[SweetErika]

Ask the doctor (preferably a dermatologist who knows what all of the skin conditions look like) if it could be psoriasis (or similar), which usually forms where there is damaged skin/abrasions. The penis is a prime area since the skin is sensitive and it can get damaged with sex and masturbation. A steroidal ointment should clear it up in a week or two, and he'll have to use it immediately if any more spots appear. Condoms and lube help reduce friction and irritation. He should stop masturbating until it doesn't hurt any more.

My husband and I have been dealing with this issue since we've been together. I asked, and he said he doesn't masturbate when it's sore, but masturbating is a little better than sex because he can adjust his grip and work around the painful spots. If sex isn't an option because of it, we do things that don't involve his penis. Kissing, touching, oral, roleplay--hell, even a good conversation or quiet evening together--can be just as intimate as sex if we want them to be.

Anyway, T's cock isn't the issue, it's the lack of communication, respect and love. Those seem to be the commonality in all of the problems you've brought up here, Rosebud, so maybe it's time to address the root causes of your issues.

 

[izabella]

Have YOU been to a doctor to be tested yourself? If his doctor can't figure out what it is, maybe yours can detect something you might be carrying or that's aggravating his condition.

Does he shave there? Could it be an infected ingrown hair?

Could he be allergic to something - new lube or condoms?

 

[rosebud5446]

it's not from shaving... it's around his head
yes, i was tested.