A quick question of feel

[chalicier]

Hello, I'm fairly new to CHYOO (been reading for ages, but only just started writing) and I wanted a little feedback on my style and general feel of writing. I've been adding new threads to 'The Lilith Strain' (as I have a thing about demons), and would like to know what people think.

Please bear in mind that my threads on 'Lilith Strain' are a little more violent than I would normally write, given the nature of the topic...

 

[deathofcards]

I noticed your various threads for the Lilith Strain but I've not taken the chance to read them just yet. I'll give you some feedback on them sometime soon.

 

[jakelyon]

Good Read

I like your tone and feel overall. My biggest concern, and one you need to edit right away, is that your refer to a 17 year old character in the first thread your wrote. You should change that to 18 or above right away!!

The threads are well written and your use of new thread options seems well done. I like your style, I agree that the level of violence fits the story. A couple of little typos, nothing that detracts too much. Overall good work!!

I would be happy to have your writing on any of my stories.

 

[chalicier]

Ah, sorry. Should have thought - I'm in the UK, where the A.O.C. is 16. Will change it now. Thanks for the other comments.

 

[bungakawa2000]

Same here, good style, good rythm. I think you are especially good at providing enough info for us to get a clear picture of what is going on without getting lost in details.

I'd be interested to see threads a tad longer though, but maybe it's just me.

Bunga

 

[deathofcards]

The Uk age of consent if 16 however you can't feature in porongraphy or sex scenes in the UK until you're 18. I'm also British. Sorry just thought i'd make that point, i'm not trying to be harsh or anything.

Random thing though the Lilim aren't really demons. If anyone is actually familiar with there origin.

 

[chalicier]

Well, from what I remember the Lilim were the spawn of Lilith after she got chucked out of Eden for being too uppity (I mean, fancy wanting to go on top?), whereupon 'she mated with demons and her spawn covered the earth' or something to that extent. But in this case we're not really referring to Lilim, just to Lilith in her Apocrypha-given demonic position as queen of the Succubi and Incubi.

I don't think that's what Lilith Strain is really about anyway - but that's a discussion for another time Must get to work now!

 

[deathofcards]

If you're interested in the Lilim it's worth reading Mike Carey's Lucifer ongoing vertigo comic, which follows on from the stuff which happened at the end of The Sandman.