A question on current desire

[JuanSeiszFitzHall]

I must preface this by stating that I’m an old white straight cis male American, who ended the sowing of wild oats decades ago. My wife and I like what we like, and we haven’t felt the need to seek further thrills. This makes for a pleasant life, but is a bit limiting for someone trying to learn, and write about, the pleasures sought and received by people who aren’t like me. Which is why I’m asking people who aren’t like me to address this:

Are people in general, and straight(-ish?) men in particular, more into anal fun (receiving as well as giving) than people of my age cohort (now older than 60) were/are?

There may be surveys of self-reported data on this, but I’m also interested in the perspectives of folks here in the Hangout, many of whom surely track trends on sexual proclivities that don’t involve said folks personally.

Thanks for your (surely dispassionate) attention.

 

[SimonDoom]

Not-quite-so-old cis white staight male American, divorced, and hoping still to sow some oats and seek some thrills.

The way I see anal, it's a fun alternative, but not nearly as fun as the main route. For me the fun comes substantially from it being somewhat deviant and naughty. I'm curious to hear from people who find it comparably enjoyable to the other way, because I do not.

 

[K155]

I must preface this by stating that I’m an old white straight cis male American, who ended the sowing of wild oats decades ago. My wife and I like what we like, and we haven’t felt the need to seek further thrills. This makes for a pleasant life, but is a bit limiting for someone trying to learn, and write about, the pleasures sought and received by people who aren’t like me. Which is why I’m asking people who aren’t like me to address this:

Are people in general, and straight(-ish?) men in particular, more into anal fun (receiving as well as giving) than people of my age cohort (now older than 60) were/are?

There may be surveys of self-reported data on this, but I’m also interested in the perspectives of folks here in the Hangout, many of whom surely track trends on sexual proclivities that don’t involve said folks personally.

Thanks for your (surely dispassionate) attention.

40YO white cis straight female here.

I think its an evolution of the mainstream sexual climate. When you were 20/30 hell 40 even, there was no widespread access to the Internet (maybe going mainstream when you were around 40) If you wanted a sex toy, you had to shame-face it into a shop of ill repute. Similarly porn was top shelf, passed from mate to mate...
Getting the access to all this information, all these products and the ability to chat anon to people... to learn about certain acts, to demystify them...
Not all younger men want anal penetration but neither do all women... its just preference, open-mindedness or a deep desire. Regardless of whether you do or you don't like/want anal - that's cool!

I'd caution not trying to write about something you are turned off by. If it's something you find thrilling to think about, read stories, watch videos...

 

[AwkwardlySet]

As a white straight male non-American at the beginning of my forties, I can tell you that I find giving anal sex to be something relatively fun, although something that I indulged in only rarely. Receiving it is in the zone of never-gonna-happen in this life, unless I end up in jail and get raped

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I suspect a larger proportion of people have tried it than would have pre-internet porn. But lots of them will have tried once or twice and decided not to bother again.

Stats I read somewhere say 1 in 10 heterosexual couples indulge in anal regularly (more than once a year?), whereas about 1/3 male gay couples do.

In my totally non-representative social circle of kinky bisexuals (mainly 40-55?), I'd guess almost all women have tried, some like, many more enjoy using anal toys but not cock, while many of the men appreciate receiving pegging and/or cock. Oddly, not that many men are into taking others up the jacksy, despite porn/popular culture suggestion that it's the ultimate experience for almost all men.

I've heard that porn fashion is switching more to 'romance' and violent anal, choking, etc are becoming less common - the obsession with (step)incest might support that?

 

[Euphony]

Are people in general, and straight(-ish?) men in particular, more into anal fun (receiving as well as giving) than people of my age cohort (now older than 60) were/are?

Why the need for qualifiers?

You are writing the perspective of your character so their personal proclivities are what matter.

As an admitted over researcher, I will offer trying to write "normal" is poor practice as there really isn't such a thing and generics read as boring.

Actual research statistics (rare as they are), yes, this manner of play has increased over the decades as stigmas have eased a bit and it's far more common in the culture. (Homosexuality was only declassified as "mental illness" in the DSM in 1973! )

A study I will occasionally reference is:

Herbenick, D. et al. “An Event-Level Analysis of the Sexual Characteristics and Composition among Adults Ages 18 to 59.”

*edit* You'll want table 4: Combinations of behaviors engaged in during the most recent sexual event, stratified by gender and age (weighted) for the breakdowns you seek.

It's "self-reported" (can't read contextually if that's an issue for you but these are the nature of almost all studies) but, reading over the method, I'm inclined to believe more than not considering the confidentiality safeguards they put in place. Doesn't address people's want to represent themselves as more sexually "interesting" beings than they are (see every self reported "how many times we do it" study versus actual tracking) but it's absolutely solid enough for our purposes.

I will circle back to say, as much as research fuels my motivations and process, at the end of the day, its key contribution is unlocking the writer's mind and/or hang ups about what is possible so they free themselves to write.

Writing to a demographic doesn't work as well as writing your unique character. Whether they are at the cutting edge of sexual practices or statistically "normal" i.e. dull as dishwater, you can make them worth reading by exploring why they are the way they are. In the case of dull as dishwater, how (and how significant it is) they push their boundaries (even if the boundary is very common practice) or in the case of edgy, where their boundaries end and their edge truly lies.

Acts are secondary. It's the profound effect those acts, even the simple ones, can have on our characters that make for better fiction.

You can write a public backdoor-ing that doesn't even slow up passers by. You can write a hand holding that makes an entire village lose its collective mind.

THAT is where things get interesting and you find growth as a writer.

 

[Altissimus]

I would hazard that rimming is more popular than anal penetration, given that the OP asked about 'anal fun'. I suspect anal is one of those things on the 'been there, done that, meh' list for many; it adds a level of complication in real life that doesn't exist when it is sensually portrayed in erotica.

 

[Britva415]

@JuanSeiszFitzHall
Contemporary people don't have the socially inhibiting pressures against exploring that your generation did. Ironically, your generation is the one who broke through socially inhibiting pressures to make possible the openness that younger generations enjoy. But we didn't grow up with your square-ass parents.

 

[ronde]

I'm of the "very experienced" generation myself and have been able to watch things develop over several years. As I remember, anal sex was rarely talked about until porn film producers, looking for a way to differentiate their films and thus make more money, introduced anal sex to the porn viewing public. I'm sure it was around prior to that, but that is when it became a topic of discussion among some people.

I don't trust surveys of self-reported behavior because it's impossible to know if the person reported actual behavior or merely reported behavior that he or she believed what society expected at the time of the survey.

What I do know is that most women I know tell me there a woman has to openings. One is the "goesinta" and the other is the "goesouta' and they don't want the second used as the first. Now, I have very few younger women who would be comfortable telling me something like that, so perhaps there is a generational difference.

As for me, I have no major hangups about anal, but only if the woman asked for that. I would never ask her.

 

[Euphony]

I don't trust surveys of self-reported behavior because it's impossible to know if the person reported actual behavior or merely reported behavior that he or she believed what society expected at the time of the survey.

Fair but... how else do researchers pull this off exactly? Your talking isolation and cameras which introduce their own problematic skew problems to say nothing of impossibility of generating decent sample size.

Confidentially is king in this research space. I laser focus on the methods section. If reasonable anonymity can be assumed, that data can be relied on better than all the conjecture people weirdly validate through confirmation bias.

Science: we work with what we got.

 

[Euphony]

Are people in general, and straight(-ish?) men in particular, more into anal fun (receiving as well as giving) than people of my age cohort (now older than 60) were/are?

Yes. The statistics bear that out. (and is what most of us assumed.) Closer than you'd think but raw data meets expectations.

An interesting side note: all manner of more physical sexual activities show waning a bit with an adorable spike/uptick in mutual masterbation. (go team!)

This has me brainstorming that older folks might not be solely operating from generational factors the young are quick to pin on them.

The narrative possibilities...

 

[AchtungNight]

I’m a Cis white male straight Texan in my middle forties. I have tried a number of fetishes in my time, I too know my preferences. Anal is honestly not something I’m that into. I can write fiction about it, sure, but IRL I don’t think I would ever try it. Just seems too complex with lube, angling, etc. Also the most dedicated swingers I’ve dated aren’t that into it either. They all tell me it’s too complex for them in most cases too. They might do it out of convenience or for double pen, but that’s it. Vaginal or oral penetration accomplishes the same goals, as does general body humping. Some women are into it but I don’t hang around them as much as those I know with simpler tastes. I don’t know enough other male swingers’ tastes to speak for them. As for pegging, I’m not into that and have never tried it. The idea does not turn me on.

I’m honestly more into heavy petting and mutual masturbation too. Less to set up as far as birth control, angles, etc. You can get closer to your partners and enjoy yourselves more comfortably. That’s why it is my top choice.

 

[madelinemasoch]

White young trans woman here

I think there's something to the idea that anal is more enjoyed by younger audiences. I myself do not prefer it, either way, giving nor receiving. However, many people of my particular demographic seem to. It's a bit of a craze amongst us. I choose not to indulge in it.

 

[Seadog777]

Not that I think it should really fucking matter, but....I'm a straight, white, male, in my late 30's.

I like to "give" anal sex. It feels great. That nice tight, gripping feeling really adds pleasure.

I've never "received" anal sex, and quite frankly, ain't god damn interested in it. LOL.
I am curious about "prostate massage", as a few of my male friends and their wives just rave about how it feels.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I've never "received" anal sex, and quite frankly, ain't god damn interested in it. LOL.
I am curious about "prostate massage", as a few of my male friends and their wives just rave about how it feels.

That's anal sex, just saying.

 

[XerXesXu]

Male, heterosexual. Baby boomer raised in post-WW2 UK. It was an era of great social change, but the default understanding at the beginning was that people became ‘buggers’ and ‘transvestites’ by a process called ‘moral corruption’. Heterosexuals didn’t engage in buggery. The ‘gay plague’ began when I was in my 30’s, reputedly spread by anal sex.

I first encountered a desire for heterosexual anal sex when I was in my forties. I imagine it was stimulated by the availability of porn depicting heterosexual anal sex. The desire was greatest amongst males, but it was unpopular with females. To men, it felt good, to women it felt painful. Eventually, when the opportunity arose, I tried it. What it gained in visceral intensity it lost in spontaneity, precautions being necessary. I could leave it, so I left it. Girls do seem to enjoy being rimmed, so while you’re down there, why not?

 

[MrPixel]

My wife and I find anal intercourse disturbing. She and her first husband were hardcore swingers. He turned out to be bi, and frequented bathhouses in the (major) city they lived in in the '70s. She (and he) know they dodged a bullet big-time, as they divorced and he changed his patterns what seemed like mere months before HIV/AIDS decimated the gay community in the area.

She and I have always been a bit libertine in our 37 years together (nudists, light swinging), but, still, anal ain't on the radar. When we make our infrequent foray to an adult theater, she can't help but rant at what appears to be the cock freely changing holes, oral to vaginal to anal and back again. "That's a hygienic disaster!" captures her mood.

On those occasions I'm entertaining myself with online vids, anything with "anal" in the caption does not get clicked.

I am curious about "prostate massage", as a few of my male friends and their wives just rave about how it feels.

I dated a (very memorable!) lady who did that to me a couple of times. Interesting sensation once I got past the digital intrusion. She did it to hasten my orgasm when the weekend was running out since I tended to savor her.

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

I've heard if anal is fun for the woman, the man isn't doing it right. My hubby and I don't do the back door thing. I'm reminded of the Friends episode where Chandler asked, "Was it that thing we don't do often, or that thing we never do?"

 

[EmilyMiller]

Of the people my age who I know well enough to discuss such things (on-line and a smaller number IRL), most (male and female) have at least tried. I think it has become kinda normal to try. That’s probably porn plus Cosmo.

Focussing on the girls, I’d say the majority tried it once or twice and decided they didn’t like it so much. It can hurt a lot if you don’t do it right. It can be icky if you don’t prep right.

Some might “allow” it infrequently as a “treat” or primarily because of the taboo aspects. A smaller group are kinda neutral, but do it more often (maybe once every one or two months) as their partner likes it and they get off on that. A quite small minority get off on it themselves, either physically or emotionally. It’s a wholly speculative figure, but I would guess that the last group is < 1%.

I agree the A2V stuff in porn is awful. I either do exclusively anal or V2A.

Em

 

[JaxRhapsody]

White young trans woman here

I think there's something to the idea that anal is more enjoyed by younger audiences. I myself do not prefer it, either way, giving nor receiving. However, many people of my particular demographic seem to. It's a bit of a craze amongst us. I choose not to indulge in it.

I wouldn't call it a craze when it's pretty much the only option for somebody with one sex hole. You talk like it's some new fad taking over the trans community in droves, like the next pair of Air Jordans, or OnlyFans during covid.

 

[JaxRhapsody]

Of the people my age who I know well enough to discuss such things (on-line and a smaller number IRL), most (male and female) have at least tried. I think it has become kinda normal to try. That’s probably porn plus Cosmo.

Focussing on the girls, I’d say the majority tried it once or twice and decided they didn’t like it so much. It can hurt a lot if you don’t do it right. It can be icky if you don’t prep right.

Some might “allow” it infrequently as a “treat” or primarily because of the taboo aspects. A smaller group are kinda neutral, but do it more often (maybe once every one or two months) as their partner likes it and they get off on that. A quite small minority get off on it themselves, either physically or emotionally. It’s a wholly speculative figure, but I would guess that the last group is < 1%.

I agree the A2V stuff in porn is awful. I either do exclusively anal or V2A.

Em

Anal just isn't something I'm giddy to do with women, so I've never pressed the issue- it happens or it doesn't. My ex really liked it, but we still didn't do it often and niether of us asked for it, although she did say she wanted me to do it once or twice, and a few times I just stuck it in there.

If I really desired to gape somebodies bootyhole, there's dudes and trans chicks out there, I want a woman for her pussy.

 

[John_Vandermeer]

Hetero cis middle aged male. I am certainly into hetero cis female fingers up my ass doing some magic. It is a femdom(ish) thing, I guess, and it feels as good physically as mentally.

EDIT: I guess I'll add, I think there are a lot of hetero cis men that feel anything up their ass is a threat to their masculinity. For me its the source of the intruding object that makes the difference. As I said, female fingers, or even a vibrator/massager with a pair of female hands holding the remote, is more than fine by me. The prostate, or even just the anal opening, is as much an intensely erogenous zone in the male sexual anatomy as the scrotum, or the head or the shaft of the penis. Stimulation to any and all... divine.

2nd EDIT: NOT into strapon pegging though. Because to me that is turning an hetero cis woman into something else.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

EDIT: I guess I'll add, I think there are a lot of hetero cis men that feel anything up their ass is a threat to their masculinity.

I am probably one of those. The very idea makes me cringe

 

[NotWise]

As near as I can tell, men have been doing women in the ass since the beginning of time. There have been places and periods when it was common marital sex. From the man's perspective, it feels good and there's no pregnancy. With pregnancy and childbirth being common causes of mortality in women, there was motivation for women to accept or even encourage anal sex.

The church has usually opposed it, and growing awareness of feces-born diseases also discouraged anal sex. Despite that, anal sex is fairly common in antique pornographic photos. Maybe not as common as it is now.

Personally, I've never been all that motivated to stick my cock up a woman's ass. I had a girlfriend who responded strongly to anal stimulation, and I offered anal sex if she wanted it. She didn't, and I let it be her decision.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I am probably one of those. The very idea makes me cringe

I don’t know so many older women well enough to chat to them about such things, but my experience of older guys was that quite a few were more than interested in anal play (fingers or dildos) and even pegging; though none ever expressed a desire for a guy to be doing anything to their ass (to my knowledge I’ve never been with a bisexual guy). Maybe I knew a biassed sample. Or maybe they grew more interested in different experiences with age.

Em