A question for couples

[Kitte]

Ok let me preface this by saying I am not making a judgement I am just curious. What everyone does in their own life is their own business. That being said.

If you are part of a couple at Lit. how do you work out what "works" as acceptable limits in your relationship and your interactions with others. Do you have certain flirtation guidelines? Is cybering ok, as long as there is no emotional relationship? Do you have a "open" relationship in RL as well.

I am really just nosey and kind of wondered how people here worked it out. Because it does seem there is a number of very happy couples here.

 

[marksgirl]

We've talked alot over the last 17 years and have set rules that we follow. We are very happy.

 

[Kitte]

We've talked alot over the last 17 years and have set rules that we follow. We are very happy.

You were actually one of the very happy couples I was refering too! You do seem to have found a great balance and I think that is so wonderful!

 

[marksgirl]

You were actually one of the very happy couples I was refering too! You do seem to have found a great balance and I think that is so wonderful!

It takes balance and a great man like the one I have. Oh and it is a two way street!

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

My wife and I allow each other to do whatever we want online. She has talked on Yahoo/AIM with several men and women from Lit, and has "cybered" with a few of them. It's something she enjoys, so I'm all for it. When she is all worked up, I get the benefits. I don't do the cyber bit myself, but I'm not closed minded to having fun.

My wife and I have talked to only one person from Lit (who will remain anonymous) on the phone, and haven't met anyone in person yet...but we're open to both ideas.

 

[marksgirl]

My wife and I allow each other to do whatever we want online. She has talked on Yahoo/AIM with several men and women from Lit, and has "cybered" with a few of them. It's something she enjoys, so I'm all for it. When she is all worked up, I get the benefits. I don't do the cyber bit myself, but I'm not closed minded to having fun.

My wife and I have talked to only one person from Lit (who will remain anonymous) on the phone, and haven't met anyone in person yet...but we're open to both ideas.

This is how Tank and I look at it too, only we have pushed the envelope a little futher. If you can be open with no jealous feelings then you got it made! I really think talking is the key to the kind of relationship like the one Tank and I have.

 

[intrigued]

I'm rather interested in the replies to this myself. I've been talking with a few friends that have open relationships, and its fascinating stuff to me because I am a jealous one, and also I feel that if your relationship isn't fulling, then that relationship needs to be worked on or ended, instead of inviting others into it. (Speaking for myself.) Its to this end that I would love a little perspective.
I am in a relationship with someone here and we are together offline as well. There is no way either of us could allow anyone else into our relationship. We just don't have the desire to, plus we realize that we just couldn't handle it.

As for flirting, he handles it so much better than I. I am deficient character wise on this one, and I openly admit it. He says it isn't the greatest feeling when others flirt with me, but he understands why they do, and realizes that I am his. And I am.
Flirting is pleasant, but its just that, nothing more. I had never really encountered it much until I came here, and its nice to be noticed. But I found that I would rather be noticed in other ways, maybe that will never happen, and that's cool too.

 

[Debbie]

Respect, trust and honesty.
That's what bigrednz and I give each other.
We discuss what is ok and what we both consider
going too far online.
I don't mind at all if he flirts, he's a cool guy
and I trust him 100%.
Neither of us checks up on the other, but
he can log on his computer and read my posts at any time.
I flirt, I don't cyber.

 

[Guest]

My wife and I allow each other to do whatever we want online. She has talked on Yahoo/AIM with several men and women from Lit, and has "cybered" with a few of them. It's something she enjoys, so I'm all for it. When she is all worked up, I get the benefits. I don't do the cyber bit myself, but I'm not closed minded to having fun.

This is a good answer.

If I ever stop being a man-slut, I'll give it a try.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

This is a good answer.

If I ever syop being a man-slut, I'll give it a try.

So basically, it's not gonna happen?

 

[Trail48]

I'm rather interested in the replies to this myself. I've been talking with a few friends that have open relationships, and its fascinating stuff to me because I am a jealous one, and also I feel that if your relationship isn't fulling, then that relationship needs to be worked on or ended, instead of inviting others into it. (Speaking for myself.) Its to this end that I would love a little perspective.
I am in a relationship with someone here and we are together offline as well. There is no way either of us could allow anyone else into our relationship. We just don't have the desire to, plus we realize that we just couldn't handle it.

As for flirting, he handles it so much better than I. I am deficient character wise on this one, and I openly admit it. He says it isn't the greatest feeling when others flirt with me, but he understands why they do, and realizes that I am his. And I am.
Flirting is pleasant, but its just that, nothing more. I had never really encountered it much until I came here, and its nice to be noticed. But I found that I would rather be noticed in other ways, maybe that will never happen, and that's cool too.

I enjoy the singularity of a one on one relationship. A commitment to another that means someone elses needs are as important, if not more important as your own. Others may argue that to open the relatonship takes more love,trust, strength, than an exclusive setting. I cannot argue that. I have learned from the past that I have limitations, so for myself the needs of a single other person are all I can handle (sometimes more). I have always sought that one person who could love me, just like I am. She believes I am hers exclusively, and I am

Flirting is something quite different to me. it is a fun exchange between two attractive people (or attracted) who both may be involved, but have a free wheeling exchange of thoughts and ideas. Kind of like going to a dance with your lover, and being asked out onto the floor by another, it's fun and a bit of an adventure, but there's no doubt who you will be going home with. I have always enjoyed the innocent attentions men have payed to my ladies. I consider it a bit of a compliment When my partner feels threatened by flirting, it's time to stop. She is open to telling me honestly how she feels. I value that openness greatly, more than the fun flirting may be.

 

[Guest]

So basically, it's not gonna happen?

LOL!

 

[sexy-girl]

one thing im interested in is how do couples work out the time ot takes to post on lit and the time to be together usually i only post on lit when lisa's either at work or doing work from home and wants to be left alone

it wouldn't seem right to just post on literotica when she was downstairs watching tv alone or something


although sometimes late at night like now when i need to send emails i pick up the lap top and use it in the same room together so we can chat and i use lit for a short while or something


as for anything else we don't have any rules but we both know what the rules are

 

[BgMma]

Communication is important.

Trust is much more important. As long as your partner and you have discussed the boundaries for your relationship and have agreed to them, then it is just a matter of being honest.
And other biggie.

So, communication, trust and honesty. Very simple.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

one thing im interested in is how do couples work out the time ot takes to post on lit and the time to be together

My wife and I have back to back PC's...and not only do we post on Lit together, but we play games together. My son and daughter will be getting their own internet connection in January. They'll be playing games as well. It's a fun way to spend time together.

 

[Hornymama]

My husband and I are both on here and we have never set guidelines for each other. I am the one that does the "flirting" and I admit i get somewhat naughty at times but he reads my posts and knows when I get Pm's and normally it doesn't bother him. If I do get a little "too naughty" he politely tells me and I back off. He knows it's all in fun for me. I also chat with a few people and if someone I'm chatting with makes him uncomfortable then I quit. We also play together on the threads which we both enjoy. All in all it's been fun for both of us.

 

[LordMagicMan]

My husband and I are both on here and we have never set guidelines for each other. I am the one that does the "flirting" and I admit i get somewhat naughty at times but he reads my posts and knows when I get Pm's and normally it doesn't bother him. If I do get a little "too naughty" he politely tells me and I back off. He knows it's all in fun for me. I also chat with a few people and if someone I'm chatting with makes him uncomfortable then I quit. We also play together on the threads which we both enjoy. All in all it's been fun for both of us.

He's a pretty cool dude. You guys rule, I must say...

 

[Trail48]

My husband and I are both on here and we have never set guidelines for each other. I am the one that does the "flirting" and I admit i get somewhat naughty at times but he reads my posts and knows when I get Pm's and normally it doesn't bother him. If I do get a little "too naughty" he politely tells me and I back off. He knows it's all in fun for me. I also chat with a few people and if someone I'm chatting with makes him uncomfortable then I quit. We also play together on the threads which we both enjoy. All in all it's been fun for both of us.

Have i mentioned you have great eyes?

 

[Hornymama]

Have i mentioned you have great eyes?

lol Actually I think you did but thank you for the compliment once again.

 

[carrie-on]

My hubby and I both post here also. He can read anything I post here and it wouldn't bother me and vice versa. He knows I am a big flirt and to be honest,so is he. For obvious reasons,a lot of people don't know we are married. The one person who did know,tried to cause a lot of shit,but because we are honest with each other,it didn't work.
We don't exactly have an open mariage though I do have a Ladyfriend that I get together with a few times a year. He loves it when I tell him all about it.

 

[Hornymama]

He's a pretty cool dude. You guys rule, I must say...

I'm going to ask his permisson to play with you, ok?
By the way, you're a real sweetheart of a guy.

 

[Kitte]

Thank you all so much for your responses, I love hearing others opinions and thoughts

 

[BgMma]

Thank you all so much for your responses, I love hearing others opinions and thoughts

anytime, dearest. You know we love to!

 

[intrigued]

I enjoy the singularity of a one on one relationship. A commitment to another that means someone elses needs are as important, if not more important as your own. Others may argue that to open the relatonship takes more love,trust, strength, than an exclusive setting. I cannot argue that. I have learned from the past that I have limitations, so for myself the needs of a single other person are all I can handle (sometimes more). I have always sought that one person who could love me, just like I am. She believes I am hers exclusively, and I am

Flirting is something quite different to me. it is a fun exchange between two attractive people (or attracted) who both may be involved, but have a free wheeling exchange of thoughts and ideas. Kind of like going to a dance with your lover, and being asked out onto the floor by another, it's fun and a bit of an adventure, but there's no doubt who you will be going home with. I have always enjoyed the innocent attentions men have payed to my ladies. I consider it a bit of a compliment When my partner feels threatened by flirting, it's time to stop. She is open to telling me honestly how she feels. I value that openness greatly, more than the fun flirting may be.

I think it takes everything you have to love another "well", and properly nourish and feed a relationship. I cannot explore total intimacy, much less trust in a relationship that is not exclusive.

This thread is so interesting to me, because a couple of my friends have had entirely different results than those expressed here. For them, when there were no expectations, no boundaries, life spiraled out of control, and it destroyed them. It seemed the more they let others in, the more they wanted, and the more they lessened all the boundaries they once had, and eventually their entire lives were shot to hell.

 

[Guest]

I think it takes everything you have to love another "well", and properly nourish and feed a relationship. I cannot explore total intimacy, much less trust in a relationship that is not exclusive.

This thread is so interesting to me, because a couple of my friends have had entirely different results than those expressed here. For them, when there were no expectations, no boundaries, life spiraled out of control, and it destroyed them. It seemed the more they let others in, the more they wanted, and the more they lessened all the boundaries they once had, and eventually their entire lives were shot to hell.

What are you doing for the rest of your life?