A matter of phrasing

[shereads]

Three times, Miami-Dade County voters said No to slot-machine gambling. Yesterday, a fourth attempt won a resounding Yes.

My theory: voters didn't suddenly change their minds about slot machines; proponents got smarter, and concocted some clever wording for the title of the measure. After that, all they had to do was rely on us voters to do what so many of us do: stop reading after a glance at the headline.

The proposal was headed,

SLOT MACHINES LIMITED TO EXISTING RACE TRACKS AND JAI-ALAI FRONTONS.

To the uninformed, should they not attempt to decipher the language detailing the measure, this could easily mean "We're stopping the spread of slot machines."

"Ethyl and I are all for that," a typical voter would think. "We hate gambling, except on the Seminole reservation. You can't beat their Surf 'n Turf Dinner Special on Thursday nights." He would then click "YES."

1) In other news, Hillary carried my state and won all 0 of our delegates to the Democratic National Convention.

2) This was our final use of the Diebold, Inc. paperless, recount-proof voting machines that were deemed to be the only reasonable technology available for the 2004 presidential election, by the very same Republican majority who have now mandated their replacement, citing the radical notion that "voters need to feel confident that every vote counts." We do? Since when?

Since then, of course.



As ever, being a liberal Democrat is as fun and rewarding as being a fan of the University of South Carolina Fighting Gamecocks.

 

[cantdog]

You wanted fun and rewards?

 

[Topanga_Blue]

Since then, of course.

But when will then be now?

 

[shereads]

You wanted fun and rewards?

I'd settle for accountability.

Failing that, how about better bumper stickers? One thing the Fighting 'Cocks have taught me is that even a losing season can be salvaged by quality bumper stickers.

 

[shereads]

Another matter of phrasing:

"The Democrat's problem isn't that they're calling for timetables - it's that they're calling them 'timetables'. You're up against Bush and the Republicans - you've got to bring some zing. Don't call them timetables - call them 'Patriot Dates', 'Freedom Deadlines'... 'Glory Goals'."

~ Jon Stewart

 

[The_Fool]

"The Democrat's problem isn't that they're calling for timetables - it's that they're calling them 'timetables'. You're up against Bush and the Republicans - you've got to bring some zing. Don't call them timetables - call them 'Patriot Dates', 'Freedom Deadlines'... 'Glory Goals'."

~ Jon Stewart

Better than Glory holes.

 

[shereads]

Better than Glory holes.

In what context?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Dear Marxist Mouse

They did the same here in Tampa. We had a vote to build the BUCs a new stadium. We said NO.

Then we had another vote. And we said YES.

The BUCs promised we could use some of the money for new schools and roads.

We didnt get the schools or the roads. And when we use OUR stadium for other stuff, the BUCs keep all the money we make, and make us clean the place when we're done. They check!

 

[shereads]

Dear Marxist Mouse

They did the same here in Tampa. We had a vote to build the BUCs a new stadium. We said NO.

Then we had another vote. And we said YES.

The BUCs promised we could use some of the money for new schools and roads.

We didnt get the schools or the roads. And when we use OUR stadium for other stuff, the BUCs keep all the money we make, and make us clean the place when we're done. They check!

A few years ago, construction on a downtown Miami high-rise was halted (horrors!) when construction workers discovered what has come to be known as the Miami Circle, an ancient archeological site at the mouth of the Miami River. While the academic world speculated about the Circle's builders and its original purpose, Herald columnist Dave Barry theorized that the site was the remains of an obsolete sports arena built by ancient taxpayers.

We Maimi taxpayers, whose public schools easily surpass those of many third-world nations, help produce sports stadiums for private ownership at the same rate PaperMate produces ballpoint pens.

So be forewarned, Tampa.

We're going to build a MUCH NICER stadium for the Marlins than you will build for the Bucs. And it's about time! Our basketball team, the Miami Heat, were playing in their SECOND brand new arena before they even reached their full height. (The first arena was nearly 5 years old when the team's owners deemed it obsolete; it also lacked a view of Biscayne Bay! Imagine how humiliated you'd be if you invited a gathering of business associates or political cronies to be guests at your sky box, and when you stepped out onto the terrace for cigars one of them said, "I can't even see the water from here.")

By comparison, we treated our baseball team so shabbily they changed their name from the Miami Marlins to the Florida Marlins, with options on even more remote names: the Rocky Mountain States Brown Trout, the Kansas City Beef, the Lesser Antilles Turtles. Etcetera. You get the picture.

And who could blame them? The finest baseball team money could assemble were forced to SHARE a FOOTBALL stadium older than some fans' second wives.

Unlike the Bucs, the Marlins have managed to get their new stadium approved without bothering voters. As the slot machine people will tell you, ballot measures can be costly, time-consuming and inefficient. So this year, the Marlins went directly to our Elected Public Servants, several of whom appeared last week at a farewell event in the now-doomed Orange Bowl stadium - and were rudely booed by the crowd. Commenting to the press, our mayor agreed that no one really wanted to tear down the Orange Bowl. "It's sad," he said, "but the city simply can't afford to maintain a place like this for only six games a year."

We can't? Whyever not?

Question: who wants to bet that the Dolphins' stadium, formerly shared by the Marlins and now to be abandoned by them for stylish new downtown digs, will soon be pronounced obsolete? There's no moveable dome, for one thing. For another, you can't see Biscayne Bay from there unless you squint.

 

[CharleyH]

Three times, Miami-Dade County voters said No to slot-machine gambling. Yesterday, a fourth attempt won a resounding Yes.

My theory: voters didn't suddenly change their minds about slot machines; proponents got smarter ...

My theory is that Florida just has a sudden influx of retired Canadians. It's a ... burp.