A Little Question

[ataxia.girl]

There's something to be said for being a hard to get sub. If a guy online plays hard to get i stop talking to him. i enjoy a good flirt\spar because it gives me a chance to get to know the person in a more organic way than just talking talking talking and accepting whatever drivel comes out of their mouth.

A lot of people make the mistake of believing a sub's level of submissiveness is a direct reflection of their Dom's Dominance but it isn't. Online its really hard for it to be more than you dominating yourself. i'm sure its possible but i think its pretty rare.

Its also very easy to confuse a desire to be over powered and Dominated with a desire to submit. Think about that. Do you desire to submit or do you desire to be Dominated?

i enjoy surrender in the face of Dominance i know i cannot control. Sometimes i surrender before i even get off the plane to see Daddy, often actually. Sometimes i don't surrender the entire 4 days.

Its important to understand what it is you really want. Do you really want to hand over control to some dude on the internet before you even meet him in person? i've done it. It can be a wild ride but its hard for it to be a real relationship between two people. Its very easy for both parties to simply use the other person as a placeholder or supporting role in their own private fantasy world. i've seen some long term online relationships and they seem to work. i was never able to make it past the 3 month mark. It was just too frustrating never actually being with the person.

 

[the captians wench]

It totally feels weird to, and I just can't do it, but sometimes I think that maybe I SHOULD encourage him a little bit when he goes down on me because I know that he's got a little dollop of switch in him, and has some fantasies about being forced to eat some hot bitch out. But if I did he would probably just slap my hand away and be like "WTF, HO" because, surprise surprise, that's not our dynamic at all. ...yeah. I worry about the stupidest stuff.


Eghhh... I'm tired. I'm going to bed now y'all. I'll check out any titillating updates in the morning.

Now I usually over think things, it's something we've been working on majorly, but this is one area where I just go blank and do what feels good with out thinking about it.

Not that I find myself in the position of recieving oral very often. For some reason once a top finds out that I have my own oral fixation that pretty much becomes my duity if you will, not that I mind that one bit.

There was one time while I was in Ireland that Jounar went down on me. I had gotten myself so wound up that I just couldn't relax myself enough to make any position satisfing. I don't remember how (maybe he went for a smoke or something) but I found myself laying on the bed spread wide and rubbing my clit trying to get my cunt to open the fuck up. There was some words exchanged leading to him saying "Let's see what we can do about that." and the next thing I know my finger is being replaced by his tongue. I completely froze I was so over whelmed by how good it felt. It slowly morphed into him finger fucking me and I hadn't noticed the change until he spoke again telling me to let him know if I want it harder or faster or deeper or anything else I'd like. Again pleasure overload. All I could think about was how good this felt just like that and couldn't imagine it better. Eventually I did make a request for another finger, to which he responded he didn't think another would fit I was still so tight, but he tried and I erupted like a volcano when he did.

I never thought twice about giving him insturction, I just did what felt good at the time. Of course most of that time was spent with me perfectly frozen with overload except for the sounds of my little moans and whimpers.

Like I said, it doesn't happen often, and I was surprized when it did that time, but everytime is pretty much like that. Sensory overload and I revert to basic instincts.

 

[LilTexanGal]

First of all a shy hi

Could really do with some advice & words of wisdom please.

A little background, I am a very new submissive although have know forever that is where I should be. Well I've met a Dom, we have shared emails, phone calls, lots of online chats & tasks for me and plan to meet next week for a chat etc. Then I hope; we you know I feel so alive.

My question he can go very quiet on me at times; I then start to feel very insecure and worry I have done something wrong (which I have at times). He does appear happy with me and I do sometime get the odd hint that he is as excited about me and he does say I please him. Is his silence and my insecurity all part of the BDSM relationship?

Thanks

Anticipating,

Hi there! I know I'm late in responding to your post...but I hope you get a chance to read this prior to meeting the Dom mentioned. FOLLOW your gut instincts...whatever it may be. Too many women get in this lifestyle and are all gun-ho and try to fall straight into a fantasy of what a submissive is "supposed" to be.

Make sure you know as much about this person as possible. Set up a safe call. You should always be expected to ask questions about a person and get honest answers. If the Dominant is a true Dominant then He/She knows that your well being is just as important as Theirs.

Respectfully,

Elizabeth

 

[radepor]

I'm the last person to advise you but I'll advise anyway

1. I think meeting anyone, anytime in an on-line fashion is suicide; I'm from a completely older and different generation so take my advice accordingly.

2. You sound female; I'm male. Sometimes males silence is simply because they don't have anything to say or don't know what or how to say it.

3. If you persist in meeting this person, go slowly; don't put yourself in a situation with a complete stranger you can't get out of.

First of all a shy hi

Could really do with some advice & words of wisdom please.

A little background, I am a very new submissive although have know forever that is where I should be. Well I've met a Dom, we have shared emails, phone calls, lots of online chats & tasks for me and plan to meet next week for a chat etc. Then I hope; we you know I feel so alive.

My question he can go very quiet on me at times; I then start to feel very insecure and worry I have done something wrong (which I have at times). He does appear happy with me and I do sometime get the odd hint that he is as excited about me and he does say I please him. Is his silence and my insecurity all part of the BDSM relationship?

Thanks

 

[Etoile]

1. I think meeting anyone, anytime in an on-line fashion is suicide; I'm from a completely older and different generation so take my advice accordingly.

2. You sound female; I'm male. Sometimes males silence is simply because they don't have anything to say or don't know what or how to say it.

3. If you persist in meeting this person, go slowly; don't put yourself in a situation with a complete stranger you can't get out of.

#2 and #3 are good advice, but the first one...I have been happily married for nearly 12 years to someone I met online. It's not always a bad thing. My parents met online too (my mom's fourth marriage) and they were together for about 10 years. It's not always bad.

Of course the OP has decided to break up with him, so we're all just running our mouths here.

 

[the captians wench]

#2 and #3 are good advice, but the first one...I have been happily married for nearly 12 years to someone I met online. It's not always a bad thing. My parents met online too (my mom's fourth marriage) and they were together for about 10 years. It's not always bad.

Of course the OP has decided to break up with him, so we're all just running our mouths here.

Ditto-ish

I met my guy here on lit and we've held a happy relationship for 4 years, albeit a long distance one, but a happy one none the less.

My mom met my step dad via a wrong phone number. They were together for near 20 years before he died.

Then again I have met some psycos. It's about 50/50 for me.

 

[StrayKat]

1. I think meeting anyone, anytime in an on-line fashion is suicide; I'm from a completely older and different generation so take my advice accordingly.

I am 45, dunno if you consider that older, I do.
Meeting someone you first met online for me is normal thing, not much difference from meeting someone in bar or on the street. There is chance you can meet serial killer in grocery store just as online imo.

Actually I dislike people that only want to communicate online without really a good reason. If they are in some reasonable distance and just "dont want to meet" I assume they are hiding something and lying - not worth my time.
I personally met some 50 people, including my husband, some of them I met alone some of them we met together. I was never sorry and never in situation I would have regretted. I was never scared of anyone.

 

[MisterSir]

Incidentally, it has been more than a week without a hint of a reply from the girl I was conversing with. I believe this makes a hundred and thirty-four at-bats without a hit. A, you really are not alone.

 

[ataxia.girl]

i met Daddy online but we were both very up front that a real life meeting was what we wanted. We had to wait about a month and that was difficult. Our relationship doesn't translate very well to online. Its hard to explore resistance and non-consent type stuff online.

 

[Anticipating]

Incidentally, it has been more than a week without a hint of a reply from the girl I was conversing with. I believe this makes a hundred and thirty-four at-bats without a hit. A, you really are not alone.

Sorry things aren't working out for you either, still not heard a word so I guess that's it; back to the drawing board for me!

Why I am so guliable?

 

[MisterSir]

Sorry things aren't working out for you either, still not heard a word so I guess that's it; back to the drawing board for me!

Why I am so guliable?

Lack of experience, desire not to take everything everybody ever says with a giant pinch of salt? I realise how hypocritical these words sound coming from me, the least placid man in history, but relax a bit. Y'all gotta sift a lot of shit yet.

 

[Anticipating]

Lack of experience, desire not to take everything everybody ever says with a giant pinch of salt? I realise how hypocritical these words sound coming from me, the least placid man in history, but relax a bit. Y'all gotta sift a lot of shit yet.

Yea starting to realised that one lol, well I can't give up specially now so guess I keep looking for someone that is actually geniune.

thanks x

 

[StrayKat]

Sorry things aren't working out for you either, still not heard a word so I guess that's it; back to the drawing board for me!

Why I am so guliable?

When you want something really bad you see it almost everywhere. You get distracted by so many false things you think genuine that you sometimes dont even notice the real one.
Once you get burned out with searching you can sit back and think with clear head. Then you have more chances to find what you are looking for, when you stop looking. If I make any sense

 

[HottieMama]

Once you get burned out with searching you can sit back and think with clear head. Then you have more chances to find what you are looking for, when you stop looking. If I make any sense

Makes total sense and I find it to be true more often than not. When I met my HusDom I was burnt out... Period. With dating, D/s, BDSM play, etc etc... we met at a lifestyle event that I was only attending because I promised some friends I would be there. We talked and joked around with each other the entire time and before I knew it I was VERY interested in what I was seeing/hearing from him and wanted to persue something more. To this day there is still times I wonder how I went from jaded, bitter, and burned-out to as happy as I am now in a relatively short period of time.

It's not easy when you really want to find that "prince" and all you keep getting are "toads," but sometimes you will find him when you least expect it.