A little advice Please

[Guest]

I am a registered member of Lit but I am not ready for everyone to know who I am yet.
I am in a new relationship and I am craving to explore my submissive side. My SO is new to this whole form of play but is open to learning.

I know what it is I want but I find it difficult to ask for because it sort of removes the thrill of doing HIS bidding. I want to please him in whatever fashion he chooses. I want to be punished and rewarded.

He has as far enjoyed the light play we have had but how can we move forward to the next level. Any advice would be appreciated.

If you are unsure of my intent just post for me to PM and I will. I just am not comfortable sharing this part of me with everyone yet.

Thank you very much.

 

[cymbidia]

The basis and core around which all good BDSM relationships revolve is honesty. Beyond that, there are *massive* amounts of talking we do, person to person. If you're shy, if you feel that being verbal and clear about what you want from the relationship is difficult to do "because it sort of removes the thrill of doing HIS bidding" then you need to really think about what you want from a relationship of power imbalances.

Do you want to be taken, to be overpowered, to be swept off your feet and ravished? Talk about it first. You don't have to put it all clinically, as if you were playing a part in a play (...then rip my panties, then slap my face lightly, then roll me over and spank my bottom 17 times, then...) but you need to talk with your partner regarding what you want, and what you don't want, too, in this new and exciting rough sexuality play from physical, emotional, and psychological perspectives. There are ways to do that that are fun and exciting and can have you both pantingly hot before you ever touch each other. The act of being open verbally increases the intimacy of the touching when you finally get to it, too.

Feel free to PM if you feel comfy doing so.

 

[areacode613]

A few thoughts

One idea that might help is to buy a movie, book, or download a story, that you really like then share it with him. I find we are what we eat so to speak; if he likes what he see's, he is most likely to try it out, and since you picked it out, he will know that it already works for you. At least the tought of it does anyway. A little verbal encouragement after the entertainment, like " wow that was an awesome scene" will usualyy drive home the point, that you would like to partake. Hope that helps a little.

 

[Cirrus]

I've been there, and we're still learning. PM me if you'd like and maybe we can learn from each other.

 

[morninggirl5]

Someone here (i'm really, really sorry, i can't remember who) said in another thread that they and their partner each wrote down a number of things they wanted to try and put them in a box. They then drew one piece of paper out at a time until they had tried them all.


Perhaps completing a BDSM checklist separately and then swapping lists would help open up a conversation. Here's the link to one, there are tons of them online though.

http://www.soulshaven.f2s.com/chk_main.php3

 

[Guest]

Someone here (i'm really, really sorry, i can't remember who)

HotXBunz. I remember the convo.

 

[cymbidia]

Ahem.
That was me.
Sorry.

 

[Guest]

Thank you all so much for your responses. I truly appreciate your candor.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Perhaps completing a BDSM checklist separately and then swapping lists would help open up a conversation. Here's the link to one, there are tons of them online though.

http://www.soulshaven.f2s.com/chk_main.php3

I did this and sent it to MY-Sir-. Now HE knows exactly what my desires are.