A how to question

[Netzach]

RE: G spots
Not everyone can and will do this.

I've been touching myself for 33 years in various ways. If that little come-hither tickle was ever going to rock my world it would have by now.

Be elated that your clit works well and enjoy the extra little pleasure of having your G spot touched without worrying about what everyone else is doing.

Life is short.

You can always still use countdown as a way to train your timing and bond you to them/the countdown mentally. Work it into your mind when you're having an orgasm.

 

[Homburg]

I think it really depends on *how* you're orgasming.



If it's all clit, then you're really only going to have the one, maybe two, then need a bit of a refractory period before you'll be ready to go again.

If it's internal/g spot, then you can learn to be multi orgasmic. I think the key is to relax, and just let go, go with that feeling.

YMMV, given that everyone is different and all that jazz.

There is a third form of orgasm (in theory), and that is called "psycholagnic" orgasms. These are orgasms that arise primarily from non-clitoral, non-penetrative stimulation, and that encompasses the purely mental sort of pressure you are describing from a countdown.

Both of my girls can come from a countdown, cold on-command, pressure on certain non-erogenous spots, etc. It's a matter of training the brain to associate non-sexual stimuli as if it were sexual. It's Pavlovian, if you well. That said, both are multi-orgasmic (these days), so it isn't exactly tough to get them to that point.

And, for additional info, psycholagnic orgasms are "little" orgasms according to both viv and MIS. They are satisfying in their own way, but tend to leave them wanting more.

--

RE: G spots
Not everyone can and will do this.

I've been touching myself for 33 years in various ways. If that little come-hither tickle was ever going to rock my world it would have by now.

Be elated that your clit works well and enjoy the extra little pleasure of having your G spot touched without worrying about what everyone else is doing.

Life is short.

You can always still use countdown as a way to train your timing and bond you to them/the countdown mentally. Work it into your mind when you're having an orgasm.

Same with psycholagnic orgasms. Not everyone is capable. Hell, it's not even clear if they're "real" orgasms per se, or just some sort of trained response.

Multiple orgasms should not be something that anyone stresses over. Stress, after all, is generally antithetical to orgasms. Relax, get familiar with yourself, and see what happens.

--

From the guy side, many guys are VERY sensitive after orgasm, and often don't want any touching of the penis. I was that way, and have friends that are that way. That can be overcome. In my case, I made it a standing rule that after vaginal sex or oral sex where I reach climax, it is my partner's job to "clean me off". This means she licks my cock clean. Given the usual emotional and physical state post-coitus, that licking is generally tender, relaxed, and enjoyable. As a result, I can better process stimuli in that state. I've kept up this practice and can now take full-blown fucking after I come if I feel like it.

The reason I include this anecdote is to say that patience is your friend. It took me a good long time to accomplish this, and may well have failed. I was with a woman for a while that had the same problem, and it was incredibly frustrating as she would come far sooner than I would and just could not keep going. Patience and persistence was starting to pay off there too, but the relationship ended before I could make serious progress.

So the point is to be patient, and try different things.

 

[Cattypuss]

--From the guy side, many guys are VERY sensitive after orgasm, and often don't want any touching of the penis. I was that way, and have friends that are that way. That can be overcome. In my case, I made it a standing rule that after vaginal sex or oral sex where I reach climax, it is my partner's job to "clean me off". This means she licks my cock clean. Given the usual emotional and physical state post-coitus, that licking is generally tender, relaxed, and enjoyable. As a result, I can better process stimuli in that state. I've kept up this practice and can now take full-blown fucking after I come if I feel like it.

.

This is interesting.

A week or two ago I he and I were having normal missionary-style rumpy-pumpy and he came inside me (full, normal orgasm with ejaculation). About four to five seconds later he started thrusting again and he came a second time within a couple of seconds after that (again, a full O with ejaculation).

Now, this guy has a typically very short refractory period, especially for a guy his age (he's 49) (typically 20 mins to 30 mins) and once before he has come in me twice without pulling out of me - but that time he lay inside me for maybe ten minutes before he started fucking me again, and it took him a few minutes of fucking then before he came again.

This recent one-shot, two-shots thing was very very strange - I'd never seen it in a man and he said it was his first time and when I quizzed him he just said "Well I'd just come and immediately it came into my head that I wanted to come again so I started moving and went off again straight away".

Does that ring any bells with you, Homburg?

 

[Netzach]

This is interesting.

A week or two ago I he and I were having normal missionary-style rumpy-pumpy and he came inside me (full, normal orgasm with ejaculation). About four to five seconds later he started thrusing again and he came a seocnd time within a couple of seconds after that (again, a full O with ejaculation).

M has pulled this off a few times. I'm always impressed. I myself am pretty one-shot and then get the hell out of there - though generally I get over it and go for another round.

 

[Cattypuss]

Damn you, Netz! You quoted me before I corrected my typos!

(Is that you in your new AV?)

 

[Netzach]

Damn you, Netz! You quoted me before I corrected my typos!

(Is that you in your new AV?)

Ha, I'll see if I can spare you the indignity.

Yep, it is.

 

[Cattypuss]

Nice pic.

 

[where]

Ha, I'll see if I can spare you the indignity.

Yep, it is.

nice boots!

 

[Netzach]

TY, ty. I thought my failblog finds were a little old and I just shot these yest.

 

[Homburg]

This recent one-shot, two-shots thing was very very strange - I'd never seen it in a man and he said it was his first time and when I quizzed him he just said "Well I'd just come and immediately it came into my head that I wanted to come again so I started moving and went off again straight away".

Does that ring any bells with you, Homburg?

Not for me personally, no, but I have heard of others doing it. I have a fairly short refractory period (as little as 15 minutes), and no real problem staying hard after I come, but I've never managed a second orgasm with ejaculation without a proper wait. That said, I have a hard time orgasming the first time given my issues, so a second O is pretty unlikely without a lot of very precise stimulation anyway.

--

Ha, I'll see if I can spare you the indignity.

Yep, it is.

I've said it before, but it bears repeating - Damn, you can work a camera. And I am not talking about your photography skills.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

There is a third form of orgasm (in theory), and that is called "psycholagnic" orgasms. These are orgasms that arise primarily from non-clitoral, non-penetrative stimulation, and that encompasses the purely mental sort of pressure you are describing from a countdown.

Both of my girls can come from a countdown, cold on-command, pressure on certain non-erogenous spots, etc. It's a matter of training the brain to associate non-sexual stimuli as if it were sexual. It's Pavlovian, if you well. That said, both are multi-orgasmic (these days), so it isn't exactly tough to get them to that point.

And, for additional info, psycholagnic orgasms are "little" orgasms according to both viv and MIS. They are satisfying in their own way, but tend to leave them wanting more.

This, I like.

One day.... hopefully.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

TY, ty. I thought my failblog finds were a little old and I just shot these yest.

I'll agree with the mob.

Hotdamn!

 

[neci]

There is a third form of orgasm (in theory), and that is called "psycholagnic" orgasms. These are orgasms that arise primarily from non-clitoral, non-penetrative stimulation, and that encompasses the purely mental sort of pressure you are describing from a countdown.

Both of my girls can come from a countdown, cold on-command, pressure on certain non-erogenous spots, etc. It's a matter of training the brain to associate non-sexual stimuli as if it were sexual. It's Pavlovian, if you well. That said, both are multi-orgasmic (these days), so it isn't exactly tough to get them to that point.

And, for additional info, psycholagnic orgasms are "little" orgasms according to both viv and MIS. They are satisfying in their own way, but tend to leave them wanting more.
...

So the point is to be patient, and try different things.

psycholagnic orgasms. yes. very nice.
*sigh*

I'll agree with the mob.

Hotdamn!

no shit! Netz, you're a hottie. plus, i love the white couch. i could never have a white couch, and i have a profound respect for people who have them.

 

[FungiUg]

I've seen some good replies here.

I've taken a few women from "oh, I don't orgasm" or "I only orgasm with a lot of clitoral stimulation" to "I orgasm at the drop of a hat... omg, she just dropped her beret!"

Now, before you think I am claiming I have some sort of magical ability (I do, but it involves rabbits and a very large hat), the reality is that it's the women who did the work. I'm in more of a coaching/cheerleader type role (yeah, fat hairy male with pom poms, can't beat it!)

The trick is that 50% of it is in the mind, 50% of it is in the body (I think there's another 50% as well, but we're getting back to the rabbit in the hat stuff). Some women just aren't built to cum easily or have multiple orgasms. But when you engage both the mind and body together, you can achieve stuff you didn't think was possible. And the mind is the largest sexual organ in the body.

A big thing I've seen with women who masturbate (yeah, okay, so I'm a perve who likes watching women masturbate, what of it?) is that self-stimulation doesn't get enough of their senses working... touch, smell, sight, taste (isn't there a 5th?) are all fodder for the brain, and unless you get the brain working as well, you're not going to get much of a physical response.

So if you are struggling to orgasm during masturbation, my suggestions would be:

1: Relax. It's not a race or a competition. Concentrate on what works.
3: Get your mind in gear! Find out what turns you on that you can do while you masturbate.
XXIV: Accept your body. For some women, the multiple-O isn't going to happen at all. Ever. They're just not built that way. So don't stress over it (see #1).
2. There isn't one. Really.
iii: Do learn your body. A lot of people have made some points about g-gasms and mental orgasms. For masturbating, you may also want to try different styles of clitoral orgasms (light teasing, attacking it with a hitachi wand, etc, etc), combined with g-spot and anal stimulation, nipple stimulation or any other erogenous zones you have. So experiment and find what works. And don't fret over stuff that doesn't (see #1).
* Have fun! If it's stopped being fun and feels like work, then you're probably doing it wrong, and you'll be missing the point of engaging your mind (see #3).

Anyway, there's my 2c worth, which is no longer legal tender here in NZ

 

[Netzach]

psycholagnic orgasms. yes. very nice.
*sigh*



no shit! Netz, you're a hottie. plus, i love the white couch. i could never have a white couch, and i have a profound respect for people who have them.

there is no way that couch, in my house, would stay like that long. I hate to continue a hijack, but I strongly needed to set the record straight on that!

 

[Homburg]

Another point I will make is that vibrators can be addictive. MIS had been suppressed pretty badly by her ex and was down to being almost mono-orgasmic. She hadn't been able to reach climax with just her fingers in quite some time. To reliably reach climax, she needed a dildo penetrating and some sort of vibration against her clitoris, with the primary emphasis being on the vibrator.

Our first sexual experience was on IM, and consisted simply of me telling her how I wanted her to touch herself. I originally had her using a dildo (as she'd mentioned her difficulties reaching orgasm without one), and a simple mistake of text on my part resulted in her taking me literally and using her fingers alone for the latter portion. To her great amazement, she came very quickly, and very hard. Not being satisfied with one, I had her bring herself off again a few seconds later. Again, she was amazed, as she'd not been able to do that for quite some time.

In this case, it was due to great compatibility, strident need for positive sexual attention on her part, and using a different technique on my part. Once I realised that she'd used her fingers alone to such great success, I had her put away the dildos and vibrators. They became occassional toys and little else, and she found quickly that she did not need them.

I've given similar advice to other women who were regular vibrator users that were having trouble reaching orgasms through penetration. I don't think vibes are bad at all, but some people get used to them. If you get used to coming in one particular manner, and a very intense manner as vibes are, penetration can be insufficiently intense sensation to bring you off.

That said, some people need that level of stimulation, period. Meds can affect sensitivity, as can certain medical/physical conditions, and, frankly, some bodies are just different. I'm just putting forward this piece of info on vibes as a possible suggestion. If you've gotten used to the vibes, try leaving them be for a bit and see what happens. If it doesn't work, you can return to old buzzy with no problems.

In general, the "process" I use (and I have difficulty calling it a process), is one of experimentation. Each person is different, and needs different stimulation/input.

 

[Netzach]

Another point I will make is that vibrators can be addictive. MIS had been suppressed pretty badly by her ex and was down to being almost mono-orgasmic. She hadn't been able to reach climax with just her fingers in quite some time. To reliably reach climax, she needed a dildo penetrating and some sort of vibration against her clitoris, with the primary emphasis being on the vibrator.

Our first sexual experience was on IM, and consisted simply of me telling her how I wanted her to touch herself. I originally had her using a dildo (as she'd mentioned her difficulties reaching orgasm without one), and a simple mistake of text on my part resulted in her taking me literally and using her fingers alone for the latter portion. To her great amazement, she came very quickly, and very hard. Not being satisfied with one, I had her bring herself off again a few seconds later. Again, she was amazed, as she'd not been able to do that for quite some time.

In this case, it was due to great compatibility, strident need for positive sexual attention on her part, and using a different technique on my part. Once I realised that she'd used her fingers alone to such great success, I had her put away the dildos and vibrators. They became occassional toys and little else, and she found quickly that she did not need them.

I've given similar advice to other women who were regular vibrator users that were having trouble reaching orgasms through penetration. I don't think vibes are bad at all, but some people get used to them. If you get used to coming in one particular manner, and a very intense manner as vibes are, penetration can be insufficiently intense sensation to bring you off.

That said, some people need that level of stimulation, period. Meds can affect sensitivity, as can certain medical/physical conditions, and, frankly, some bodies are just different. I'm just putting forward this piece of info on vibes as a possible suggestion. If you've gotten used to the vibes, try leaving them be for a bit and see what happens. If it doesn't work, you can return to old buzzy with no problems.

In general, the "process" I use (and I have difficulty calling it a process), is one of experimentation. Each person is different, and needs different stimulation/input.

I definitely use edging changing up and little self-denial tricks around this point to enhance my life.

However, there's a huge mental component to partner play and the right partner. I like hard targeted vibes like the Wahl, but I find that any worries about more subtle oral sensations from M or T not working to be unfounded - much to my delight.

This is a good point though, and there's a lot that can be done around preferred sensations to tease someone.

 

[Homburg]

I definitely use edging changing up and little self-denial tricks around this point to enhance my life.

However, there's a huge mental component to partner play and the right partner. I like hard targeted vibes like the Wahl, but I find that any worries about more subtle oral sensations from M or T not working to be unfounded - much to my delight.

This is a good point though, and there's a lot that can be done around preferred sensations to tease someone.

Oh, geeze, yeah, the mental component is HUGE. The point to it was changing up sensations, self-denial, etc, as you said.

To be frank, this is my exact problem. I have to have my stimulation the way I need it, and nothing else will work. Unfortunately, changing it up doesn't serve well, and while denial can build up pressure, it tends to have rather negative consequences on my personality. I am not built to be denied.

 

[Etoile]

That said, some people need that level of stimulation, period. Meds can affect sensitivity,

*raises hand*

 

[Netzach]

Oh, geeze, yeah, the mental component is HUGE. The point to it was changing up sensations, self-denial, etc, as you said.

To be frank, this is my exact problem. I have to have my stimulation the way I need it, and nothing else will work. Unfortunately, changing it up doesn't serve well, and while denial can build up pressure, it tends to have rather negative consequences on my personality. I am not built to be denied.

For the most part, I'm similar. I am not a relax into orgasm kind of person, my orgasm is very - well I've been told male - I have to hump frantically into it, it's not a passive thing overtaking me. You can well imagine, then, how irritating a lot of people's attempts to get me to come as I "should" are.

 

[Homburg]

*raises hand*

You are one of the people that I was thinking of when I wrote that.



--

For the most part, I'm similar. I am not a relax into orgasm kind of person, my orgasm is very - well I've been told male - I have to hump frantically into it, it's not a passive thing overtaking me. You can well imagine, then, how irritating a lot of people's attempts to get me to come as I "should" are.

Oh, geeze, it gets tiresome. I feel like I should wear a t-shirt whenever fucking someone new that says, "I don't come every time I fuck. Get over it." Blow-jobs? Fun foreplay, but don't expect an orgasm. Hand-jobs? Don't make me laugh. So, yeah, I don't have to imagine it. I live it myself.

To an extent, I think that is why I've had such success coaxing orgasms out of women that aren't usually able to climax easily. It's like they say, Good basketball players play, bad basketball players coach.

 

[FungiUg]

I feel like I should wear a t-shirt whenever fucking someone new that says, "I don't come every time I fuck. Get over it." Blow-jobs? Fun foreplay, but don't expect an orgasm. Hand-jobs? Don't make me laugh. So, yeah, I don't have to imagine it. I live it myself.

To an extent, I think that is why I've had such success coaxing orgasms out of women that aren't usually able to climax easily. It's like they say, Good basketball players play, bad basketball players coach.

Snap!

I like what you said earlier about every person being different and it's about to experimenting as well. I think the reason I have had some success with women is that I am open minded enough and willing to learn and experiment. What's surprised me is that I've been told that most people are not, and I think that's probably why they have issues.

We have to learn stuff like cooking, driving, etc. Why do we think we somehow magically know how to do sex?