I got this in my email today. Thought it was kind of funny, so here it is. I hope it doesn't offend anybody.
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to
worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam
and
doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test
and
best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in your home.
EXERCISE ONE:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut as hard
as
possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for
five
seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE TWO:
Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is
just
perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with
one
breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly
back the
car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn
over and
repeat with the other breast.
EXERCISE THREE:
Freeze two metal bookends over night. Strip to the waist. Invite a
stranger
into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the
bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the
stranger
to meet next year and do it again.
YOU ARE NOW TOTALLY PREPARED!
AND, just a thought for all the women out there.........MENtal illness,
MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause.. Ever notice how all of
women's problems start with men?....and when we have real trouble, it's
HYSterectomy!!!
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to
worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam
and
doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test
and
best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in your home.
EXERCISE ONE:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut as hard
as
possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for
five
seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE TWO:
Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is
just
perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with
one
breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly
back the
car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn
over and
repeat with the other breast.
EXERCISE THREE:
Freeze two metal bookends over night. Strip to the waist. Invite a
stranger
into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the
bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the
stranger
to meet next year and do it again.
YOU ARE NOW TOTALLY PREPARED!
AND, just a thought for all the women out there.........MENtal illness,
MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause.. Ever notice how all of
women's problems start with men?....and when we have real trouble, it's
HYSterectomy!!!
