A former lady friend said to me once...

[charlien]

..."I slept with my father for a year when I was 12 with my mother sleeping in a separate bedroom" She was drunk as hell and passed out shortly there after. When I mentioned it in the morning she responded only with "but nothing went on."

She had real emotional problems where sex was concerned, at least about traditional intercourse, what she referred to as "doing the deed". Not so much so with oral sex and masturbation though.

She was/is an alcoholic of the first order, doesn't drink every day, but when she does drink it's generally into oblivion.

Would never acknowledge any improprieties on her fathers part, but I didn't believe her. We're no longer together, but this has been on my mind for some time now and just wondered what other people's thoughts are.

thanks

charlie

 

[Guest]

 

[Nora]

..."I slept with my father for a year when I was 12 with my mother sleeping in a separate bedroom" She was drunk as hell and passed out shortly there after. When I mentioned it in the morning she responded only with "but nothing went on."

She had real emotional problems where sex was concerned, at least about traditional intercourse, what she referred to as "doing the deed". Not so much so with oral sex and masturbation though.

She was/is an alcoholic of the first order, doesn't drink every day, but when she does drink it's generally into oblivion.

Would never acknowledge any improprieties on her fathers part, but I didn't believe her. We're no longer together, but this has been on my mind for some time now and just wondered what other people's thoughts are.

thanks

charlie

If she won't talk about it, then she's just simply not going to talk about it. It is possible that nothing of a sexual nature happened. Yes, sexual molestation does manifest later in life very frequently as problems with normal sexual function, but there's lots of other things that can cause it, too. It sounds to me like there were plenty of problems to go around just from your basic description.

My personal theory in handling other people's problems of this kind of magnitude is that unless and until they *ASK* for help, or otherwise imply that they're ready for it, don't offer it. You can't force mental health on others.

 

[MissTaken]

IF there was any sexual abuse, it might explain why she had some difficulties with sex as an adult.

It can also lead to promiscuoity of the highest order, low self esteem and skewed vision in terms of relationships.

The alcohol certainly can do all those things as well.

Even if there was no impropriety, what does it teach an impressionable 12 year old about relationships if she sleeps with dad and mom is in a separate room?

IF she wasn't willing to discuss anything, chances are she hasn't been in treatment. Chances are also that she is pretty messed up.

I really like Nora's statement and would love to post in a discreet place at work, "You can't force mental health" on anyone who isn't receptive!

 

[charlien]

I thank both you ladies for your responses. I once truly cared for this woman, and she for me I thought at the time. I interpreted her telling me this as asking for my help, I know now I made a mistake in interpreting her revelation in this way.

And yes, she was promiscuous, had very low self esteem, and tended to view relationships in terms of what she could get, rather than a sharing between two people.

I guess I tend to see her abuse of alcohol as an effect, rather than a cause. I think she drank as she did because of what occurred. I should point out here that both her parents drank quite heavily when she was 12, but have since quit completely. She was 34/35 when we were together, separated from her husband who was also an alcoholic.

thanks again,

charlie