A Conversation of Need

[Shadowsdream]

Toys NEED to be played with...they NEED to be controlled...they NEED to be disciplined...they NEED to be trained...they NEED to serve...they NEED to obey...they NEED to know when they have been good...they NEED to know when they have been bad...they NEED to be encouraged...they NEED to give up responsibility...they NEED to worship...they NEED to feel safe..they NEED to trust...they NEED honesty...


agree? disagree? opinions?

A new conversation begins!

 

[Shadowsdream]

It takes the NEED of the Dominant Woman to be enough to call Herself a Mistress. It takes the NEED of the Dominant Woman to take TOTAL control in all aspects of the submissives life. It takes the NEED of the Dominant Woman to recognize bad behaviour and discipline to correct it. It takes the NEED of the Dominant Woman to train Her toy to the perfection She NEEDS to be proud of. It takes the NEED of the Dominant Woman to teach and enjoy proper service as She deserves. It takes the NEED of the Dominant Woman to recognize and encourage growth in the toy She owns. She NEEDS the responsibilty to protect and direct the life of Her submissive. She NEEDS to be an honest Woman of integrity so that She deserves to be worshipped and trusted. She NEEDS to control their sexuallity as much as She NEEDS the outlet Her whips and bondage equipment gives Her in play.

Agree or disagree? Opinions?

It takes two to tango after all.

 

[WillowPuss]

Toys NEED to be played with...they NEED to be controlled...they NEED to be disciplined...they NEED to be trained...they NEED to serve...they NEED to obey...they NEED to know when they have been good...they NEED to know when they have been bad...they NEED to be encouraged...they NEED to give up responsibility...they NEED to worship...they NEED to feel safe..they NEED to trust...they NEED honesty...


agree? disagree? opinions?

A new conversation begins!

From my point of view, this is spot on.

I have all those needs - and without them being met I cannot possibly be complete. I cannot be the best person I know I can be.

Without the correct counterbalance to my needs, I am often left floundering around.

 

[spankableBelle]

Toys NEED to be played with...they NEED to be controlled...they NEED to be disciplined...they NEED to be trained...they NEED to serve...they NEED to obey...they NEED to know when they have been good...they NEED to know when they have been bad...they NEED to be encouraged...they NEED to give up responsibility...they NEED to worship...they NEED to feel safe..they NEED to trust...they NEED honesty...

agree? disagree? opinions?

A new conversation begins!

Agree, most definitely and until recently, i hadn't really understood what NEED was. i understood desire for these things, i understood want of these things, but need...i never understood the need of them. Golly, i understand now. To have these needs bared, with no effort from Him beyond His being who He is was, was a shock that i wasn't prepared for. To NEED the structure, the discipline, the boundaries of Dominance...wow!

We have had many discussions about this discovery of need. How in awe i am of it. How it is air that i must breathe for my submissive soul to survive...my happiness lies in being submissive, my wholeness, my completeness...i need to kneel. i need to serve. i need to surrender. i need to give of myself. i need to feel safe. i need to trust. i need to explore, to read, to ask questions, to learn, to excel. i need limits, rules. i need to know i've done well, or that i've disappointed. i need kinky sex, nasty words, forbidden fantasies that allow me to explore and open up into the sexual woman that is buried beneath. i need, NEED One to draw it all out of me, by whatever means He will. i NEED Dominance. i NEED to be submissive, it is who i am.

i need...and i am blessed that someone saw my need...and made it His own...His responsibility...

belle

 

[Ebonyfire]

Toys NEED to be played with...they NEED to be controlled...they NEED to be disciplined...they NEED to be trained...they NEED to serve...they NEED to obey...they NEED to know when they have been good...they NEED to know when they have been bad...they NEED to be encouraged...they NEED to give up responsibility...they NEED to worship...they NEED to feel safe..they NEED to trust...they NEED honesty...


agree? disagree? opinions?

A new conversation begins!

I agree, and I am here for all the little toys who may need me...if the right magic is there!

Eb

 

[Desdemona]

Shadows, once again you touch my heart.

For me, need means that something is necessary for life. I may physically live and exist without having those needs met, but my soul withers and dies.

 

[shy_roamer]

Shadowsdream, Ma'am:

I have read Your words for several months now, and in some cases, such as Your "Rituals" dissertations, and find You to be a fountain of knowledge of things D/s.

What really staggers me is Your graciousness in sharing Your knowledge with the readers. i understand that putting forth learned knowledge takes a considerable effort, and i would like to thank You for doing so.

As for comments on "NEEDS", there is not much more i can say, other than i do feel each and every one of those needs, plus i have gotten myself to the point that i do NOT need to try to manipulate things, but instead just give myself to Her.

 

[cellis]

When we began this dance,Himself and I, we had a conversation about needs. I don't think that anyone ever need him and what he could give them the way I did and do.

A dominant has an awesome responsibility to their submissive. It may be unreasonable to expect the dominant to meet all of the submissives needs all of the time, but those basic needs... for security... honesty... trust... protection... have to be met or then it is something else and not BDSM.

 

["angel" eve]

Re: Shadows, once again you touch my heart.

For me, need means that something is necessary for life. I may physically live and exist without having those needs met, but my soul withers and dies.

i'd have to agree completely Desdemona.

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Re: Shadows, once again you touch my heart.

i'd have to agree completely Desdemona.

angel, please call me des.

 

["angel" eve]

yes Ma'm des.

lol...

 

[morninggirl5]

Toys NEED to be played with...they NEED to be controlled...they NEED to be disciplined...they NEED to be trained...they NEED to serve...they NEED to obey...they NEED to know when they have been good...they NEED to know when they have been bad...they NEED to be encouraged...they NEED to give up responsibility...they NEED to worship...they NEED to feel safe..they NEED to trust...they NEED honesty...


agree? disagree? opinions?

A new conversation begins!

Agree wholeheartedly. In particular i NEED lots and lots of communication. Over-thinking and over-analysis are two of my worst habits and controlling that is an ongoing battle. I NEED frequent communication, reinforcement. The closer it gets to 24 hours with no contact, the more i'm thinking, analyzing, trying to figure out what i've done wrong and how to fix it.

Honesty is a requirement for me. I'd prefer to be told something i don't want to hear in an honest, respectful manner than to hear something i want to hear. Complete honesty is beyond a need for me.

 

[redelicious]

I am sure that I have needs that I haven't even discovered yet. This much I know . . .

I NEED to be able to trust someone completely. I NEED to be able to let go knowing that someone is there to hold on. I also NEED to be treated with respect and dignity and I NEED my gift to be cherished, when I choose to give it. I NEED to know I please the one I am with. I NEED to be given the freedom to discover who I am at my own pace, without unrealistic demands.

I NEED peace in my life, contentment, and serenity.


Edited to add that I NEED these things from my husband. If I can't get them from my husband, then I NEED to figure out a way of dealing with that. Any prospective Dom would NEED me to submit to them fully and I don't see how anyone in my situation could honestly give that.

 

[confused20]

well said

Repeat verbatim what morninggirl said...and that is where i am at.

I would rather have a hard and hurtful Truth then to be told platitudes or lies...and i cant handle hearing "I don't want to tell you because it would hurt you." hearing that is what hurts the most, because it seems to tell me that i am not strong enough to handle comunication, or that i am not important enough to deserve it.

all of the Needs expressed in the opening post are ones i feel deeply, to my very bones.

 

[Persephone36]

Toys NEED to be played with...they NEED to be controlled...they NEED to be disciplined...they NEED to be trained...they NEED to serve...they NEED to obey...they NEED to know when they have been good...they NEED to know when they have been bad...they NEED to be encouraged...they NEED to give up responsibility...they NEED to worship...they NEED to feel safe..they NEED to trust...they NEED honesty...


agree? disagree? opinions?

A new conversation begins!

First off -- I just have to say OMG to what mg said. She just said one whole aspect of what I went through this past week -- all because of what I won't admit to myself, or be honest about.

Hmmm, and there those honesty and trust issues come out. I just realized how much I failed my relationship is those aspects. But we live to learn.

What I did learn is that I NEED to fulfill quite a lot of my own emotional needs. Otherwise, I'm dissembling as to what I can bring to a relationship.

But I love your question here Shadowsdream because while I know it's speaking from a 24/7 perspective -- it helps me delinate what needs I do and don't want filled by a Dom. Particularly since for me, the D/s relationship is only sexual and involves no s/m.

So, while I agree in principle with everything you've laid out here, I see the needs I don't have and do have.

I'll just mention the ones I do need. I need honesty, trust, I need to feel safe (that one in the extreme), I need to be encouraged, I need to be trained (to an extent), I need to serve and I need to obey (again those last two have to be defined individually by myself and my partner.)

I'm not sure what the need to give up responsibility means. I feel I'm always responsible in some way in any relationship. I play a part in it -- so that's my responsibility. And I have a responsibility to maintain my self-esteem and not look to my partner for it.

But I think I'm off course there. Would you mind turning me in the right direction, Shadowsdream?

As always, your threads are so thought provoking and make me dig inside myself for answers.

Perse

 

[artful]

Shadows

Toys NEED to be played with...they NEED to be controlled...they NEED to be disciplined...they NEED to be trained...they NEED to serve...they NEED to obey...they NEED to know when they have been good...they NEED to know when they have been bad...they NEED to be encouraged...they NEED to give up responsibility...they NEED to worship...they NEED to feel safe..they NEED to trust...they NEED honesty...


agree? disagree? opinions?

A new conversation begins!

Am so happy to be able to respond to one of your topics. Your *converations* have given me MUCH insight to what,...*MY*,...~needs~ are.

I hardly qualify as a sub,...but the topic draws me, as a moth to the flame. I feel the~NEED~to express MY needs.

I need control of a woman (sub),...I lust for it. I need her submission, I need to make decisions, I need knowledge, I need to learn, to grow, to become MORE.

I need adoration, affection, warmth, love, trust, honesty, truth. I seek ways to attain them ALL. I need to SHARE my talents and abilities, with ONE who NEEDS them.

I don't need more than ONE, to complete me,...but without that ONE,...I am not whole. Fortunately, I have Dream,...so life is not just good,...it is *GREAT*.

Thanks for giving me an opportunity to express myself,...however poorly it may have been done.

(P.S.-I agree with your opening post question, YES
Dream needs ALL those things)

 

[Shadowsdream]

willow

From the first post of yours I read so very long ago I recognized how well you understood your needs. Over time I saw how well Robuck stroked those needs as He fullfilled His own. *MAGIC*

belle

I have not yet congratulated you on finding and accepting the magic that takes you one step further into this wonderful world of D/s. I do so now and hope the two of you will surpass all of your hopes and dreams. How pleased I am to see you articulate the depth of the *new* understanding of how you percieve needs. This new understanding reflects on the communication you share between Domination and submission.

Eb

Thank You My Sister Domme for Your light hearted agreement and availablity to embrace, control and guide the toys that feed Your magic.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Des

Do I perceive in you a gentle heart? ~~smile~~~

Shy_roamer

Thank you for your kind words in this thread and taking the time to voice them.
I feel that it is one of My *responsibilities* in this lifestyle that is My passion to share what I have learned of reality or fantasy. If even one thought shared will open a new door safely or close a single door on abuse the time is worth the work.
To hold My knowledge to My breast woul be selfish and weaken My self respect.

cellis

Yes it is an awesome task to meet all the needs of the submissive. But OMG it is worth the effort for all you give Us in return. We are the mirrors that reflects the dark side of each other. That allows the light to cast the shadows of O/our uniqueness.

 

[Shadowsdream]

mg

As always you cut to the chase, recognizing your needs. Over analizing can be such a burden but one that communication and reinforcement can ease. My toy had the tendancy to over analize and suffer because of it. he has been semi-cured ~~grin~~ as lives a much more peaceful joy filled life today.


redelicious

I adore your honesty and understanding, the recognition that for you, your needs are best served through your love for your husband. I hope that you will find a way to discover how His needs could mirror your own. If it cannot happen I have no doubt your honesty will take you in the right direction.


confused

Truth need NOT be hurtful even if it is a hard truth. The communicator* holds the responsibility of teaching truth in a manner that causes joy in growth.
Such a wonderful look at need!

 

[Shadowsdream]

perse

*but we live to learn*

Yes I speak from the 24/7 perspective but one can never reach 24/7 without analizing, experiencing and recognizing at least some of the fundamentals in much of what I present for thought.
The *responsibility* in your case * as a sexual consideration* the need to NOT have to initiate or control your sexual gratification. The *responsibility would come in accepting that need and allowing that control to another..which is giving up the responsibility you had controlled.

Art

As always Your participation in My conversations ADD to the dynamics of reality and bare bones honesty.
Your openess shows Your strength to My eyes. I see Your desire to continuing to learn shows Your courage and depth. Never doubt You add to My growth and strengthen My conversations.


And now I must apologize for speaking with 2 or 3 of you in each of these posts today but I am on a massive catch up campaign it would seem!

 

[Desdemona]

Des

Do I perceive in you a gentle heart? ~~smile~~~


Shadows, yes you do. I thought I had it a bit better camoflauged, though. ~blush~

 

[WillowPuss]

Des

Do I perceive in you a gentle heart? ~~smile~~~


Shadows, yes you do. I thought I had it a bit better camoflauged, though. ~blush~

Des ... I sometimes wonder if Shadows has a hidden web cam somehow connected to my brain - She often is able to 'see' exactly what it is I am thinking /hiding/ too.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Des

I see with My heart...My soul...My mind...My perception as I read between the lines. I must confess I spend as much time reading between the lines as I do the actual lines themselves.

I am a nosey Beast to say the least!

 

[Shadowsdream]

willow

Now that is one confession I will leave to your fantasy.
But you have been caught more than once with My perception...I do adore your surprise in those moments ~~grin~~

 

[Desdemona]

Des

I see with My heart...My soul...My mind...My perception as I read between the lines. I must confess I spend as much time reading between the lines as I do the actual lines themselves.

I am a nosey Beast to say the least!

LOL. You may be nosey, but so far, I find you quite gentle. I suspect, however, that your gentleness is subject to change without notice.