A Chuckle or Two?

[Lajo]

After the lousy week I have been having, I thought it might be "fun" to tell or read a joke or two. Maybe others have a favorite? However...I never make a promise about a joke being funny.

I came home from work the other day to find my wife excited, jumping up and down. "Honey!" she yelled, "I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!"
"What should I pack for? The beach?? The mountains?"
"I don't care...just pack your bags and get the hell out!"

*********************

A little old lady lost her husband after 47 years of marriage. As she sat, holding his ashes, she decided she could not bear it any longer. She would shoot herself in the heart and join her husband. But to be sure she would not miss, she called her doctor to make sure she knew where her heart was.
"It is just below your left breast."
The poor woman shot herself in the knee!

 

[Gil]

This one is supposedly a true incident as cited in a book called 'Disorder in the Court'.

ATTORNEY: "Are you absolutely certain that the man was dead before you performed your autopsy?"

CORONER: "Yes."

ATTORNEY: "Did you check to see if he was still breathing?"

CORONER: "No."

ATTORNEY: "Did you chech to see if he had a pulse?"

CORONER: "No."

ATTORNEY: "Did you check his blood pressure?"

CORONER: "No."

ATTORNEY: "Well then, how can you be absolutely sure that he was dead, prior to your autopsy?"

CORONER: "Because his brain was in a jar sitting on my desk."

ATTORNEY: "Taking even that into account, can you state with absolute certainty that the man was dead?"

CORONER: "Well...I suppose he could have been a Practicing Attorney."

 

[Arkane]

Ok I will try my hand at it.

An 85 year old man marries a 25 year old model and after several years and a son together he passes away quite suddenly. At the funeral she is bawling her eyes out when one of her friends says "Oh Come off it you couldn't have loved that old geezer that much" to which she replies, "I will have you know he was the most loving caring man that I have ever known, we used to make mad passionate love every Sunday morning to the ringing of the Bells at the Church....and if it hadn't been for that damn fire truck he'd be alive today....."


Arkane