62 Reasons a Cucumber is Better than A Man

[InnocentAngel81]

62 Reasons A Cucumber is Better Than A Man

1. The average cucumber is at least six inches long.
2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
3. A cucumber won't tell you size don't count.
4. Cucumbers don't get TOO excited.
5. A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
7. You can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket... and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
8. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
9. With a cucumber you can get a single room and ... you won't have to check in as 'Mrs. Cucumber'.
10. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
11. If you can go to the movie with a cucumber and see the movie at a drive in you can stay in the front seat.
12. A cucumber can always wait until you get home.
13. A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn.
14. A cucumber won't drag you out to a John Wayne Film Festival.
15. A cucumber won't ask: 'Am I first?'
16. Cucumbers don't care whether you're a virgin.
17. Cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin.
18. Cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin.
19. With cucumbers, you don't have to be a virgin more than once.
20. Cucumbers won't write your name and number on men's room wall.
21. Cucumbers don't have sex hang-ups.
22. Cucumbers won't ask: 'Am I the best', 'How was it?' 'Did you come?', 'How many times?'
23. Cucumbers aren't jealous of your gynecologist, ski instructor or hair dresser.
24. Cucumbers won't ask about your last lover or speculate about your next one.
25. A cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator.
26. A cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes over.
27. No matter how old you are you can always get a fresh cucumber.
28. You can dish a cucumber up for dinner to your Brother-in law
& Sister, after fucking it.
29. Cucumbers can handle rejection.
30. A cucumber won't pout if you have a headache.
31. A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
32. A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet.
33. A cucumber won't give it up for lent.
34. With a cucumber, you never have to say you're sorry.
35. Cucumbers won't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest or drool on the pillow.
36. A cucumber will never give you a hickey.
37. Cucumbers can stay up ALL night and you won't have to sleep
in the wet spot.
38. A cucumber won't work your crossword in ink.
39. A cucumber isn't allergic to your cat.
40. Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car.
41. A cucumber won't eat all your food or drink all your liquor.
42. A cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library.
43. Cucumbers won't go through your medicine chest.
44. A cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on or hairspray.
45. Cucumbers won't leave dirty shorts on the floor.
46. A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet.
47. A cucumber doesn't flush the toilet while you're in the shower.
48. With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.
49. Cucumbers don't compare you to a centerfold.
50. Cucumbers won't tell you they liked you better with long hair.
51. A cucumber will never leave you for another man, another woman or another cucumber.
52. You will always know where your cucumber has been.
53. A cucumber never has to call 'the wife'.
54. Cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.
55. You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.
56. You only eat cucumbers when you feel like it.
57. You don't have to wait for halftime to talk to your cucumber.
58. A cucumber won't leave town on New Years Eve.
59. Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom.
60. Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.
61. It's easy to drop a cucumber.
62. A cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement or seek custody of anything.

 

[InnocentAngel81]

More reasons

some might be repeated

12. Cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or go to bed with your boots on.
16. Cucumbers aren't into meaningful discussions.
19. A cucumber won't care what time of month it is.
20. With a cucumber, you never have to say sorry.
23. Cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month.
25. A cucumber won't eat all you'll food or drink all you'll alcohol.
30. You won't find out later that your cucumber :-
a) is married. b) is on penicillin. c) likes you but loves your brother.
31. You don't have to wait till half time to talk to your cucumber.
32. Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.
33. It's easy to drop a cucumber.
34. A cucumber will never eat crackers in bed.
35. Cucumbers don't leave a funny taste in your mouth.
36. A cucumber doesn't come home drunk after a night out with the cucumbers.
37. There is never any threat of your cucumber being homosexual.
38. Cucumbers don't steal all the covers, and will stay with you until morning.
39. No matter how you slice it, you can have your cake and eat it too.
40. A cucumber doesn't play rugby.
41. With a cucumber YOU can choose the ribbed or smooth variety.
42. Cucumber doesn't ask you to get the tissues when you're done.
43. You don't need use prophylactic with a cucumber.
44. A cucumber doesn't take your car apart and leave beer cans all over the yard.
45. A cucumber won't lie to you and say it's not going to cum in your mouth.....
46. Its actually ok if this one is green and slimy.
47. By the time IT goes soft, you don't care anymore.
48. A cucumber can be DIPPED, many different ways.
49. This vegetable doesn't have a wheelchair.
50. When you discover its too small, your not in a pickle.
51. You can spit out the small seeds and it won't complain you didn't swallow.
52. A cucumber won't enter any opening you don't want it to enter.
53. You never have to explain to a cucumber why its not the right time to have sex.
54. If one's not enough to satisfy there's always another.
55. A cucumber is never limp
56. A cucumber won`t fart in bed
57. You never have to explain to a cucumber why its not the right time to have sex.
58. they can find the clit
59. Cucumber wont give you a one eye stare and spit you in the face
60. You can leave home without it and get a replacement over the next town when needs arise.
61. A cucumber will not ignore you when you bitch
62. A cucumber never wants you to cook diner.
63. even when you're hot, a cucumber stays coooooool
64. Cucumbers are more intelligent.
65. A cucumber can last for hours, not minutes.
66. You dont grudge loaning it to your friends
67. Cucumbers are supposed to be green.
68. Cucumbers dont HAVE to have a porno mag.
69. Cucumbers wont think you wont notice if he tries to slip into your back passage.
When confronted, won't say,"oh, did I? I didn't realise!"
70. A cucumber won't ask to borrow money and never return it!
71. Cucumbers don't get into a pickle without becoming a pickle!
72. Cucumbers never take precedence, they're simply 'cu' -ing.
73. A cucumber NEVER says "I AM TIRED".Get off of me.
74. A cucumber won't roll over and start snoring immediately after sex.
75. With a cucumber you can choose one with or without seeds.
76. A cucumber will never tell you his mother taught him all he knows.
77. A cucumber doesn't care if it's on top or bottom.
78. A cucumber will never say 'Did I mention my sex change operation?'
79. Cucumbers do not need Viagra.
80. Cucumbers don't wilt they go the coarse.
81. Cucumbers don't behave like dicks.
82. Cucumbers are happy to get brown noses
83. A Cucumber can screw two (wo)men at once
84. With a cucumber you don't have to fight for the remote control to the television.
85. With a cucumber they never ask how many guys you've fucked!!!!
86. with cucumbers u dont have to fight over who gets the surfboard first
87. ....and with a cucumber u dont have to fight over who gets the pussy first
88. You don't have to fake it with a cucumber.
89. You can go green with a cucumber. Use it then when you are hungry after that, eat it.
90. a cucumber dosen't have eyes to wander after other women.
91. Cucumbers can't mow the yard or don't care if there is a football game on TV.
92. a cucumber will never leave you hangin'
93. Cucumber's never lie to you.
94. Oooh Cucumber, mmmmmm, nice.
Who needs a man when there are so many cucumbers?
95. A cucumber doesn't make THAT much mess
96. you don't have to make excuses to a cucumber when you are not in the mood
97. A cucumber waits patiently and doesn't moan.
98. A cucumber will never pass out on you when its had too much to drink.
99. You can put the cucumber on your desk in your workplace, and no one will think it is inappropriate.
100. A hollow cuke is better than a hollow friend
101. A cucumber wont jilt you at the alter
102. A cucumber doesn't have legs to go after someone else.
103. Cucumbers don't need batteries
104. You can buy half a cucumber, and it's still enough
105. Freud stated that somtetimes a cigar is just a cigar whereas Ms. Lewinski stated that sometimes a cucumber is just a replacement for the President.
106. A cucumber won't tell you that you need to go back to the gym.
107. Doesn't need to use the TV remote..
108. Cucumbers come thin at one end and REALLY thick at the other.
109. A cucumber never says NO
111. Cucumbers can go until YOUR done.
112. You can cut it in half and take both ends at once
113. A cucumber wont tell you it loves you and then go and screw your friend.
114. Cucumbers have more brain cells
115. Cucumbers don't argue
116. A cucumber won't tell his mates how good or bad you were..
117. Cucumbers aren't attached to 160 pounds of flesh.
118. Cucumbers are very portable
119. A Cucumber doesn't shrink in size when cold
120. A cucumber has 2 ends
121. You don't have to reasure a cucumber that they're the best you've ever had!
122. cucumbers are cool!
123. you can rip the skin off a cucumber with your overbight and it won't complain
124. Cucumber seeds don't get you pregnant
125. A cucumber doesn't whimper when you cut it down to size.
126. a cucumber won't give you excuses of why he's sooo late
127. a cucumber won't give you excuses of why he can't help clean the house
128. Cucumbers are MEANT to be thick !
129. A cucumber wont try to blame the cold when it starts to shrivle
130. Cucumbers taste nice when swallowed
131. One for the men: a hollowed-out cucumber gives the best blow job in town!
132. A cucumber does`nt have to listen to a woman going on and on and on...
133. If cucumbers could carry out the garbage women wouldn't need men.
134. A cucumber doesn't think it's sexier than you.
135. A cucumber doesn't have stubble.
136. a cucumber won't ask if u will ever sleep with anyone else ever again.
137. A cucumber doesn't complain that you spend 2 much time on-line.
138. a cucumber will wait for you patiently outside in the car without exhausting the horn.
139. When cucumber goes limp you are allowed to just throw it away & forget all about it.
140. you don't have to fight a cucumber for the mirror
141. A cucumber can be carried discretely in your handbag.
142. Cucumbers don't shag other women
143. Cucumbers don't eat all your chocolates
144. cucumbers do not snore.
145. A cucumber never asks if u really need a guy instead of her!!! Grrr
146. A cucumber wouldn't add comments No's 131 & 132 ffs!!! pms
147. Cucumbers are cheap to replace
148. With a cucumber u can bite as hard as u damn well like !
149. You can have an end each if u cut it in half
150. You can trim it to any shape u want !!
151. Cucumbers don't say I got to go play game wit'me' boy's.
152. Cucumbers will never embarss you by being brighter than you
153. Some cucumbers are ribbed for 'Her pleasure'
154. a cucumber wont say, 'I see you bleach your hair then'
155. cucumbers dont collect 'nasty stuff' under the skin
156. you could have a new cucumber every day and nobody would call you a slut

 

[sweet soft kiss]

No... not for me...

Cucumbers don't have arms, hands or lips.... gotta have at least one of those to make me happy.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

Funny list. I take it that you're a vegetarian?

 

[InnocentAngel81]

i thought i post it because of a co worker's comment about a cucumber and i am planning on getting her the vibrating cucmber as a joke.

 

[InnocentAngel81]

Funny list. I take it that you're a vegetarian?

me a vegetarian? never ever ever

 

[DevilBoy79]

me a vegetarian? never ever ever

trust me she's not a veg-head

 

[DevilBoy79]

i thought i post it because of a co worker's comment about a cucumber and i am planning on getting her the vibrating cucmber as a joke.

ah babygirl steal my ideal

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Hey, you forgot " a cucumber can't see through a woman's deep layer of fucking bullshit"

sweet dreams, kids.

 

[Zmey]

To bad cucumbers can't lick pussy or you'll be set for life

 

[Gusty Wind]

.

 

[Gusty Wind]

.

 

[Zmey]

I've always been told to eat more vegetables ... but I only eat salted kind ... perhaps ... I should eat ones that have been played with

 

[Starblayde]

To bad cucumbers can't lick pussy or you'll be set for life

And if they could produce ejaculate aswell then we'd be obsolete

 

[Mad_Jack_Rabbit]

Quote:

6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.


Are you saying that men arn't easy to pick up?

As for giving them a sqeeze in the supermarket to see how firm they are, perhaps you should try that with the men - you might make a lot of new friends!

 

[bknight2602]

i thought i post it because of a co worker's comment about a cucumber and i am planning on getting her the vibrating cucmber as a joke.

That would be fun, until it ripens.