$5 a minute to see Billy Crystal

[NoJo]

$300 for a ticket to see the man do his thing on Broadway.

That's almost as much as a blowjob costs.

He made $6m in advance ticket sales.

That's way out of my price range. I can rent "When Harry Met Sally" for $1.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

$300 for a ticket to see the man do his thing on Broadway.

That's almost as much as a blowjob costs.

He made $6m in advance ticket sales.

That's way out of my price range. I can rent "When Harry Met Sally" for $1.

People pay for blowjobs?! I've been getting ripped off all these years.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Yeah, but it's Billy Crystal!

BILLY FUCKING CRYSTAL!!!!!

He does that "mahvleous" routine. That's worth about $189 right there.

Besides, he'd pay that much to see you I'm sure. His publicist says he's that kind of guy.

 

[carsonshepherd]

I'd pay more to see Joe than I would to see Billy Crystal - Joe is a hell of a lot funnier.

 

[shereads]

$300 for a ticket to see the man do his thing on Broadway.

That's almost as much as a blowjob costs.

He made $6m in advance ticket sales.

That's way out of my price range. I can rent "When Harry Met Sally" for $1.

I'll pay you to make sure I never see "When Harry Met Sally" again.

When you're called for jury duty in Miami, they herd you into this enormous waiting room designed to make you so bored that you actually hope to be chosen for a jury. The chairs are hard, the lighting is too low for reading, and two movies are played in eternal rotation to keep the cattle from stampeding: "When Harry Met Sally" and "While You Were Sleeping." I asked the bailiff if I could donate some movies, because those two might eventually cause random courthouse shootings. He agreed but said those were the only two movies with no references to any crimes.

I came to think of them as the same horrible movie. "When You Were Harry."

Rent "This is Spinal Tap" and you can see Billy Crystal in an early role as a mime/waiter.

 

[shereads]

Is the $300 for a blow job by Billy Crystal, or a blow job while you're watching Billy Crystal? I wouldn't pay for either one. It must be a guy thing.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

$300 for a ticket to see the man do his thing on Broadway.

This seems like such a logical question I'm surprised no one else has asked, but how much does it cost to not see "the man" doing his thing?

Rumple Foreskin

 

[dr_mabeuse]

This seems like such a logical question I'm surprised no one else has asked, but how much does it cost to not see "the man" doing his thing?

Rumple Foreskin

The show not to see Billy Crystal has been sold out for months. You can't even not get tickets anymore. It's even outselling the show not to see Whoopi Goldberg, which is a must not-see.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

The show not to see Billy Crystal has been sold out for months. You can't even not get tickets anymore. It's even outselling the show not to see Whoopi Goldberg, which is a must not-see.

This sounds a little like a routine between Groucho and Chico, but I don't think I could afford what it would cost not to see Whoopi.

Which might make for another great mindless thread. Who would you pay the most not to see/read/hear/make love with? The mind boggles. Although I'd take out a second mortage to avoid Roseanne Barr on all four.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[elsol]

That's almost as much as a blowjob costs.

You have to pay for blowjobs...

Are you married?

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[BlackShanglan]

I'd pay more to see Joe than I would to see Billy Crystal - Joe is a hell of a lot funnier.

Agreed. If I'm paying $5/minute to see Crystal, he'd better be clad in latex fellating a pair of muscular young Adonises and taking strap-on from the US women's soccer team. Joe, on the other hand, can just buy me drinks.

Shanglan

 

[NoJo]

You have to pay for blowjobs...

Are you married?

Sincerely,
ElSol

married as a newt. Sorry, that's a Brit simile. Look it up, I'm too drunk.

 

[shereads]

Agreed. If I'm paying $5/minute to see Crystal, he'd better be clad in latex fellating a pair of muscular young Adonises and taking strap-on from the US women's soccer team. Joe, on the other hand, can just buy me drinks.

Shanglan

What if you could pay by the minute?

 

[NoJo]

What if you could pay by the minute?

I hear the first five seconds of the eighteenth minute is hilarious. He says

"nd that's just for starters. So he comes into my office, and h"

 

[shereads]

The people I'd pay $300 to not see definitely include Whoopi Goldberg. In fact, I have a special bank account just for that purpose, because with inflation you never know what it might cost in five years to not see her.

I'd pay that much to not see Jay Leno. But I'd pay twice that much to see Whoopi Goldberg and Jay Leno blind each other with cattle prods.

Uh-oh. Was that hostile?

 

[NoJo]

I had a dream about a man with Jay Leno's chin, but it wasn't on his face.

 

[shereads]

I had a dream about a man with Jay Leno's chin, but it wasn't on his face.

Well now I've sucked nonfat yogurt into my sinuses. My attorney will be in touch.

 

[NoJo]

My attorney will be in touch.

You wish.

 

[BlackShanglan]

I would pay vast sums to not see Emeril LaGasse. On the other hand, if he and Billy are both in the latex/Adonis/stap-on act, I'm there.

Shanglan

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I'd pay top dollar not to see Jim Belushi and Adam Sandler in an all-disco review of "American Idol" on ice featuring Mary Kate and Ashley and Janet Jackson's costume with a very, very special appearance by Oprah Winfrey as the Angel of the Lord.

 

[Remec]

This sounds a little like a routine between Groucho and Chico, but I don't think I could afford what it would cost not to see Whoopi.

Which might make for another great mindless thread. Who would you pay the most not to see/read/hear/make love with? The mind boggles. Although I'd take out a second mortage to avoid Roseanne Barr on all four.

I dunno...after all the plastic surgery and physical training that she under went midway through the run of the sitcom, she's not so bad...and she's always had a cute, smirky, little smile....

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

I'd pay top dollar not to see Jim Belushi and Adam Sandler in an all-disco review of "American Idol" on ice featuring Mary Kate and Ashley and Janet Jackson's costume with a very, very special appearance by Oprah Winfrey as the Angel of the Lord.

You, Doc, have a very sick, very twisted, but very logical mind.

Remec, long time no see. How's it hanging? No, better leave that sort of salutation for TateLou's dinky dick thread.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

. . .When you're called for jury duty in Miami . . . two movies are played in eternal rotation. . . "When Harry Met Sally" and "While You Were Sleeping.". . .those were the only two movies with no references to any crimes. . .

I think "The Trouble With Harry" should put jurors in the right mindset for dispensing justice.






Oh that's right! Courts don't dispense justice, they interpret law. Silly me.