1st Story Posted Would Love Feedback

[TrinaT]

HI, this is the first time i've taken the chance and have my first story posted (Erotica Couples, Winter's Embrace). I would really love to hear back from others and their thoughts on my writing. My second work is in progress and has a stronger "feel" to it.

I would be interested in knowing if people prefer the more sensual, romantic type of story or a little more decriptive and "hard core". I prefer to write about couples, but that may change as time goes on.

Any comments or suggestions are welcome. Thanks.

TrinaT

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=43981

 

[71bruce8]

poll

Liked your story, secret sexuallity is attractive. Also like the personal poll idea but I can only vote plus in one category. Better maybe to send a review?

 

[TrinaT]

Thanks for the feedback....I did the poll to find out the basics that appeal to the readers, which will help in my future writings.

I like secret encounters too. Adds to the sexual energy!

Trina

 

[Guest]

Trina,

read Laurel's 'Sticky' and post a link!

You'll get more feedback that way. You can edit your original post to include it.

I've just read your story (check your e-mail), but for other readers, here's the link

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=43981

 

[TrinaT]

Thanks. Still new at this. I appreciate any and all feedback.

TrinaT

 

[Impetus]

Romance *happyshiver*. I like.

Suggestions would be...watch the technical errors, they can be really distracting in an otherwise excelent story. The sex wasn't the hottest I've ever read, but sex wasn't the focus, so that's not a major concern. I also thought the story ended a little awkwardly. I would have tried to bring it to a better conclusion, or at least one that 'read' better. Also, the main male came across as a complete moron when he couldn't figure out who this 'mystery woman' was. I'm pretty sure that most of your readership knew as soon as they realized his keys were missing and someone was at his house. That this guy couln't figure it out just comes across as forced. And while I did like the 'broken spell' text that kept coming back, it didn't seem to lead anywhere and made me think of the woman as a little ditsy.

What I liked...the romance. The following of the candles was very nice. Very nice indeed. Your writing flowed well, errors aside, and it was a fun story to read. You wouldn't be able to tell by relative paragraph size, but I found more good points than bad.

Overall, I'd work on bringing together more believable writing. Doing that would eliminate the 'stupid guy' and 'ditsy girl' problems. Get a few things out of the way, and I could see some really great writing.

Peace!

-I

 

[TrinaT]

Impetus

Thanks for the feedback. I was impatience to see what others thought of my story when I submitted. Since originally submitting it, I have had a professor of journalism at a local college review my piece and she had similar suggestions. I've rewritten some of it and may expand into a chaptered mini-novel. I am currently working on a second piece (which will be chaptered), and I'm using the feedback to help with those errors made in the first.

Being a true romantic at heart, I love settings of romance and sensual lust/love. Although, some parts are fantasy, the basis is real-life experience. I've heard many people comment "write what you know" and this is what I'm trying to do.

Thanks again.

Trina