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- Thread starter dreamysub
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Short answer is you can’t, though counselling may help. Same problem there though, the other party has to agree with its efficacy.
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Communication is a HUGE factor in whether or not any kind of relationship works. Be honest and let them know you have issues that need to be addressed. If they still refuse, ask whether avoiding them is really worth sacrificing your relationship. If they say yes, you have to take care of yourself and walk away.
InCNCestBangPie
BDSM Metamorphosis
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Well, why doesn't the other party want to discuss the problem? That might be a better starting point. It might help you to have perspective on why this person is seemingly against progress/moving forward/resolution. For instance, if the person is reluctant to discuss the issue out of fear (perhaps fear of change or losing you), that at least gives you some clue for how you could approach things. In that case, you may want to be gentler & more cognizant of that fear that pride might not want them to admit they have.
However, if the unwillingness to discuss the issue is rooted in anger or perhaps avoidance, that may be bigger than you. For instance, I had an ex who never wanted to discuss anything remotely sensitive or vaguely critical of him. In such a situation, there was so much undue hostility that it felt like I was walking on eggshells. I could only push so much until he decided the subject was done. That was bigger than me.
Discussing a problem with anyone hinges very much on how receptive both parties are. If one is flat out unwilling to listen, be respectful, & have a dialogue, then you might need outside help. If the person has an ounce of ability to be receptive, try meeting them where they are.
IrisAlthea
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It depends a lot on why they don’t want to talk about it.
Do they think it’s a problem?
Do they think it is their problem?
Do they think the problem is solvable?
Do they want to solve the problem?
Have they alreaydy found a solution for themselves? Sometimes their solution to their own problem ends being your problem.
Is there shame, fear or anger around the issue and if so, can you calm that down by lowering the stakes of discussing it?
Dearelliot
Really Experienced
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I know what you mean...been married to her for 65 years. She is a wonderful perfect person...but she "don't wanna talk about it."
slavemelanie
Experienced
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Unfortunately sometimes people "check out" of a situation . It's often times a defense mechanism. Forcing a discussion usually won't help. I think time is the solution along with being open and supportive but there are no guarantees in life. It takes two to tango. I hope it works out for you
Noor
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Walk away.
The only person you can change is yourself.
Goldenfinger
Literotica Guru
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I totally agree. They need to find out why they don’t want to talk about the problem. They will also need to think outside themselves. People tend to assume the problem is about themselves when it could very well be about the other’s insecurities.
Noor
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I am not suggesting that you find a lover at this point, I am suggesting you discuss the matter with him and see how he would feel about the idea.
I don’t know what your history is, there are some people who do not like to be touched, or only like to be touched, under certain circumstances. And then there are people who are no longer interested in sex for various reasons. With men, I’ve found that it’s usually low, testosterone or depression.
Noor
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What did he say?
Britva415
"Alabaster," my ass
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Tell them what the consequences of not talking about the problem will be.
lisaharlot
Really Really Experienced
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I think you need to force the issue which means depriving this person of something they need or want from you until the talk.
HumpDayHoratio
Slightly Aged
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First of all…you DON’T suck!
You’ve posted two threads asking for help. People who “suck” don‘t do that…just push that noise out of your head.
You do have a problem. You’re not alone though. If you peruse this forum, you’ll find quite a few threads and tons of bandwidth dedicated to spousal or partner relationship problems, to which I’ve been more than an active and willing participant!
I’m going to say seek professional help right off the bat. I can almost guarantee he will resist, but it needs to be said. If only to maybe shake his tree to help him understand there is a problem and you’re serious. If couples therapy is a hard line for him, I’d find a therapist just for YOUR well being. Of course this is easer said than done sometimes.
All the free advice from us shit house psychoanalysts is still sage, but you need to take it with a grain of salt. Throwing the baby out with the bath water isn’t the best option sometimes.
Please feel free to reach out and send me a PM. I went through a dynamic much like yours with my spouse. It may provide some insight into what you’re going through and make you feel better on some level. The most important thing is you’re reaching out and asking for help.
I’m sorry you’re going through this and wish you the best.
