15 Things You Should Never Say To An Artist

[Byron In Exile]

#1: I'm trying to sleep.

 

[Aquagal]

#2 What is it?

 

[IrezumiKiss]

#3 "Can I put my shirt back on?"

 

[unregistered]

 

[Wings]

#5 No, what do you do to make a LIVING?

 

[neci]

#6 if you're starving, why are you so fat?

 

[KingOrfeo]

#7: "If the gallery hangs that upside down, how could anyone tell?"

 

[VaticanAssassin]

Is your investment portfolio diversified?

 

[BuckyDuckman]

It's pretty.

 

[KingOrfeo]

"I don't know much about art, but I know that's crap!"

 

[Joeybagadonuts]

Hey, this shit might be worth something after you're dead.

 

[Byron In Exile]

This thread rules.

 

[CandiCame]

*while you're still obviously drawing something* Did you draw that?

 

[Batch]

A kid could draw or paint or smash clay together just as good.

 

[thør]

What a beautiful photo, you must have a good camera.

 

[KingOrfeo]

"In this piece, are you sure you're respecting the integrity of the monkey poo?"

 

[BuckyDuckman]

Is it supposed to look like that?

Or,

What's it going to look like when you're finished? (and the work is already on display)

 

[Noor]

$3.00, next!

 

[KingOrfeo]

"You are an over-excited little man, with a need for self-expression far beyond the scope of your natural gifts. This is not discreditable. Neither does it make you an artist."

-- Tom Stoppard, Travesties

 

[IrezumiKiss]

"You can do that easy in PhotoShop."

 

[KingOrfeo]

"When I was at school, on certain afternoons we all had to do what was called Labour — weeding, sweeping, sawing logs for the boiler-room, that sort of thing; but if you had a chit from Matron you were let off to spend the afternoon messing about in the Art Room. Labour or Art. And you've got a chit for life? Where did you get it? What is an artist? For every thousand people there's nine hundred doing the work, ninety doing well, nine doing good, and one lucky bastard who's the artist."

-- Tom Stoppard, Travesties

 

[KingOrfeo]

"I learned three things in Zurich during the war. I wrote them down. Firstly, you're either a revolutionary or you're not, and if you're not you might as well be an artist as anything else. Secondly, if you can't be an artist, you might as well be a revolutionary. ... I forget the third thing."

-- Tom Stoppard, Travesties

 

[KingOrfeo]

"An artist is the magician put among men to gratify — capriciously — their urge for immortality. The temples are built and brought down around him, continuously and contiguously, from Troy to the fields of Flanders. If there is any meaning in any of it, it is in what survives as art, yes even in the celebration of tyrants, yes even in the celebration of nonentities. What now of the Trojan War if it had been passed over by the artist's touch? Dust. A forgotten expedition prompted by Greek merchants looking for new markets. A minor redistribution of broken pots. But it is we who stand enriched, by a tale of heroes, of a golden apple, a wooden horse, a face that launched a thousand ships — and above all, of Ulysses, the wanderer, the most human, the most complete of all heroes — husband, father, son, lover, farmer, soldier, pacifist, politician, inventor and adventurer."

-- Tom Stoppard, Travesties

Man, that'll really piss off the "artist" who's just drawing squares or filling a fish-tank with basketballs or making a portrait of the Virgin Mary out of elephant dung! (But not the artist who's representing Christ by a crucifix in a vial of urine, or portraying homoerotism by a bullwhip with the handle jammed up his ass. He knows what he's doing!)

 

[the_kuntess]

#8

Is this the right way up?

 

[Byron In Exile]

"An artist is the magician put among men to gratify — capriciously — their urge for immortality. The temples are built and brought down around him, continuously and contiguously, from Troy to the fields of Flanders. If there is any meaning in any of it, it is in what survives as art, yes even in the celebration of tyrants, yes even in the celebration of nonentities. What now of the Trojan War if it had been passed over by the artist's touch? Dust. A forgotten expedition prompted by Greek merchants looking for new markets. A minor redistribution of broken pots. But it is we who stand enriched, by a tale of heroes, of a golden apple, a wooden horse, a face that launched a thousand ships — and above all, of Ulysses, the wanderer, the most human, the most complete of all heroes — husband, father, son, lover, farmer, soldier, pacifist, politician, inventor and adventurer."

-- Tom Stoppard, Travesties

Man, that'll really piss off the "artist" who's just drawing squares or filling a fish-tank with basketballs or making a portrait of the Virgin Mary out of elephant dung! (But not the artist who's representing Christ by a crucifix in a vial of urine, or portraying homoerotism by a bullwhip with the handle jammed up his ass. He knows what he's doing!)

What think you of this fool, Malvolio? doth he not mend?

MALVOLIO

Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shake him:
infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the
better fool.

Clown

God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the
better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be
sworn that I am no fox; but he will not pass his
word for two pence that you are no fool.

OLIVIA

How say you to that, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO

I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a
barren rascal: I saw him put down the other day
with an ordinary fool that has no more brain
than a stone. Look you now, he's out of his guard
already; unless you laugh and minister occasion to
him, he is gagged. I protest, I take these wise men,
that crow so at these set kind of fools, no better
than the fools' zanies.

OLIVIA

Oh, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste
with a distempered appetite. To be generous,
guiltless and of free disposition, is to take those
things for bird-bolts that you deem cannon-bullets:
there is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do
nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known discreet
man, though he do nothing but reprove.