10 clues he'll suck in bed....

[Guest]

1. He can't even find the beat to the "We Will Rock You" chant.

2. You met after he shouted "Hey, hot stuff!" at you from a doorway where he was drinking beer with 10 of his friends.

3. He has Viagra and numbing gel sitting on his night stand.

4. After pressing a few buttons and turning a couple knobs on his stereo, all according to the manual, it STILL doesn't work. So he says, "It must be broken! I've done everything I was supposed to do."

5. While snuggling up to you during a movie, nuzzling your breasts, you swear you hear him whimper, "Mama".

6. He's allergic to his own sweat, so all of his activities must not, under any circumstances, spike his body heat.

7. A cold breeze causes your nipples to perk up through your white T-shirt, he blushes and turns away.

8. After only two licks on his ice cream cone, he complains that his tongue is tired.

9. Your door jams and he doesn't have the thrusting power to bust it open. In fact tou end up doing it.

10. He gorges himself on a side of ribs smothered in BBQ sauce, then moves in for a big smooch without even wiping his mouth.

 

[cloudy]

8. After only two licks on his ice cream cone, he complains that his tongue is tired.

9. Your door jams and he doesn't have the thrusting power to bust it open. In fact tou end up doing it.

PMSL!!!!

 

[shereads]

I had a boss once who ordered the same thing at lunch every single day, and threw a fit if the restaurant didn't have it: turkey sandwich on white bread with lettuce and mayo. "Once you find something you like," he explained, "it's a waste of time to try anything else."

He told me his ex-wife had attacked him with a knife. I think I know why.

 

[Guest]

He is a handsome mortician who asks you to take a bath in ice water, then lie in bed perfectly still.

based on letter to Dear Abby from a woman who first granted this request on her wedding night, and then ten years later wrote Dear Abby asking if there was anything odd in this request.

 

[sweetnpetite]

He is a handsome mortician who asks you to take a bath in ice water, then lie in bed perfectly still.

based on letter to Dear Abby from a woman who first granted this request on her wedding night, and then ten years later wrote Dear Abby asking if there was anything odd in this request.

wonder what other subtle hints she missed...

 

[Guest]

wonder what other subtle hints she missed...

One of the better arguments for premarital sex, isn't it?

 

[Liar]

I had a boss once who ordered the same thing at lunch every single day, and threw a fit if the restaurant didn't have it: turkey sandwich on white bread with lettuce and mayo. "Once you find something you like," he explained, "it's a waste of time to try anything else."

He told me his ex-wife had attacked him with a knife. I think I know why.

On the other hand... you think he ever cheated? Seems he'd lack the imagination to.

 

[Liar]

10. He gorges himself on a side of ribs smothered in BBQ sauce, then moves in for a big smooch without even wiping his mouth.

Hey, sloppy can be real good.

 

[cndallas]

10 clues he'll suck in bed....

Is the context of suck here the bad kind?

 

[shereads]

He is a handsome mortician who asks you to take a bath in ice water, then lie in bed perfectly still.

Of course, his favorite book is "The Loved One," by Evelyn Waugh.

(Senior embalmer Mr. Joyboy romances his assistant by making sure the bodies are smiling before she sees them.)

 

[Extreme Bohunk]

You go to his place, and there's a copy of
'Girls for Dummies' on the table.

 

[gauchecritic]

He writes stroke for Lit. and thinks you will be impressed.

 

[impressive]

He writes stroke for Lit. and thinks you will be impressed.

Awwwwwwwwwww, shit.

 

[shereads]

He writes stroke for Lit. and thinks you will be impressed.

There's a lot to be said for a man whose imagination can be studied in advance.

 

[Guest]

He writes stroke for Lit. and thinks you will be impressed.

Hmmmmm.... That sounds like a discussion all in itself.

 

[elsol]

Hmmmmm.... That sounds like a discussion all in itself.

That's sexist...

If a woman says "I write stroke on Literotica..." I bet a guy would be impressed.

*sigh*

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[elsol]

I like an ex-girlfriend's clue...

1. He talks to your tits... as it mostly signals a lack of experience handling them.


Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[Guest]

That's sexist...

If a woman says "I write stroke on Literotica..." I bet a guy would be impressed.

*sigh*

Sincerely,
ElSol

Are you so absolutely sure that's what I was saying? Before you call me sexist you better make sure.

What I was saying was that writing stroke, as opposed to erotic literature would be a seperate discussion.

Now take you attitude and piss off.

 

[elsol]

Are you so absolutely sure that's what I was saying? Before you call me sexist you better make sure.

What I was saying was that writing stroke, as opposed to erotic literature would be a seperate discussion.

Now take you attitude and piss off.

Are you absolutely sure I was directing my comment at your statement...

Or taking part in the invited discussion...

Or even taking a humorous stab at something...

Or maybe I was just saying...

"Hey, not only would I be fucking impressed if a woman said 'I write stroke for Literotica'; I would get a tingly feeling all over."

But I will do as you asked and take my attitude elsewhere.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[Guest]

Are you absolutely sure I was directing my comment at your statement...

Or taking part in the invited discussion...

Or even taking a humorous stab at something...

Or maybe I was just saying...

"Hey, not only would I be fucking impressed if a woman said 'I write stroke for Literotica'; I would get a tingly feeling all over."

But I will do as you asked and take my attitude elsewhere.

Sincerely,
ElSol

Well, I'm fairly sure when you fuckin' QUOTE me, you were directing it at me.

 

[cantdog]

Lighten up, kid

 

[shereads]

Lighten up, kid

That's one of the sweetest AVs ever.

 

[Guest]

hype.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

10 Clues That She Won't Suck in Bed, or Do Much Of Anything

1. More interested in your car than in you.

2. Objects when you hold a door for her and gives lectures on sexual politics.

3. Wants to go where the crowd is.

4. Giggles when you kiss her, or resumes conversation where she left off.

5. Tells you it's her time of month.

6. Looks at her nails more than at you.

7. Orders beer and a shot at the restaurant.

8. Won't eat ethnic food. (Especially important if you're ethnic yourself)

9. No sense of humor. (Don't know why, but in my experience, a sense of humor is the single biggest factor in determing a woman's sexual abilities.) (Or maybe it's just that they need a sense of humor when I start making love.)

10.

 

[mlady_france]

4. Giggles when you kiss her, or resumes conversation where she left off.

Just one out of 9 isn't bad, right?