1 new poem from me

[dreamangel_4980]

just my personal way of expressing myself..hope you enjoy

Set Me Free
How I long to kiss,lick,bite and stare
Breathe in your essence
Fondle and caress you everywhere
The sweet vapour that is thy soul
and into mine dissolve
Your soft touch rises up over wet,smooth,silky thighs
midst soft moans and liquid sighs
Flesh on flesh,raising breaths on breaths
Your gentle finger's fondle my cunt's swollen lips
Fingers thrum,thrust,gyrate and stir
Moist squelch,moans and my soft little purr
Between my cunt lips a torrent did gush
liquid silver flowed out with a hiss and a rush
Lush scent,heaven sent
From an angel,juicy ,fresh,succulent
Oh how i would devour thee if i could
Lick all around ,suck thy blood gorged hood
But you make me anguish here all alone
The tears in my eyes are languid,always shone
My heart, my love beats with infinite desire
Devour me with passion,set me on fire

 

[dreamangel_4980]

lol i cant believe i hit the thumbs down by mistake ..oh well
here is`my second entry of the day..please enjoy and the author accepts constructive feedback in any form..thank-you

His Eternal Spell
Imagine this
For a man to love me as I am,a dreamer
the comic,tearful lady
would it be possible
that somehow destiny chose Him
to delight in me alone?

Imagine this
these two people longing for true devotion
to be estranged in the illusions ..hopes stirred
Will he be heaven sent or fate or destiny?
How long will I be under his spell?

Imagine this
Promises of passion being made
and kept with forever assured
His touch caressing my gentle skin
His forceness,my strength
I set a vigil for him
Magnificent,humble,gentle
The epitome of the male
In a way that even feminists would agree
I care not what they think though..
For I am under his spell..

 

[WickedEve]

Set Me Free

A few of things that jump out at me while reading this poem:

You need stanzas.

Your rhyme eventually ends up AA BB CC... etc But it doesn't start out that way.

There are some clichés, and I don't really know about using "thee" and "thy" in this poem.

"Between my cunt lips a torrent did gush
liquid silver flowed out with a hiss and a rush"
I do have a question about this part. Is she cumming or peeing? Hiss sounds more like urination than cumming. Unless that's what you're talking about. Sorry, I'm just not sure. And I don't understand your use of liquid silver. If it is urination, then why liquid gold? If it's cum... well... I'm not sure if that metaphor works.

Yes, this poem needs work. But I think if you stick around, and read and learn, you'll be able to improve this piece.

And I am glad that the thumbs down was a mistake. I give you a thumbs up for effort.

 

[WickedEve]

His Eternal Spell

I think this one reads better. Like the stanzas.

 

[dreamangel_4980]

re:critique

thank-you so much wicked eve for your wisdom and comments..i greatly appreciate the help..yes i'll definately will stick around as long as I am welcome and I feel very welcome here ..besides where else could i possibly go to learn from the most talented poetry gurus?? hmmmm?? this place definately holds possibilities for me and i'm also enjoying the other forums as well especially jewel's and the online role playing forum..{too bad i havent found a good Master yet {probably couldnt handle me anyways..he he..again i humbly take a bow to you wicked and thanks.. ..ever waiting to have that certain someone seduce my soul..Angel

 

[Sweetwood]

His eternal spell

I really like this poem.

Just a few minor points: His forceness, my strength. Did you mean to say forcefullness? It would support the rythm of the stanza better. Also I was confused if you meant, that his forcefulness IS your stregth, OR his forcefulness AND your stregth?

If it is the former then a better use of punctuation would be a colon.

If however you wanted that line to be a musing, about HIS forcefulness and YOUR strength, then a semicolon might work best. (sorry to be somewhat sticky on this)

Another point is:

Promises of passion being made
and kept with forever assured

I understand that the promises of passion are made and kept. As a result you are forever assured. If that is the correct interpretation, I would suggest that the word "with" might well be replaced by a "-" . Sort of like: Promises of passion being made and kept. "Taking a deep breath" Forever assured!

I like it!

Sweetwood

 

[dreamangel_4980]

re:sweetwood

thank-you for the comments hun and I agree totally with what you said..
what can ya say about us newbies hey?? lol i'm a struggling artist but,i shall not give up the fight..once again i find myself humbled by the comments of someone far more experienced and i truly appreciate the time you took to look at my work..thanks!! glad you enjoyed it..huggs to all and have a great monday!! ...Angel

 

[Zircon]

I've came, I've read, I like, I've even understood, but I'll not give criticism, because I don't know jack about poetry.

Don't ya know, I'm stalking ya...

Z

 

[dreamangel_4980]

to mr zircon{with artful's permission}

hi there you stalker you ..i'm sorry i missed out on the story last nite but darn literotica wouldnt download for me anyways be careful of the "stalking me " hun cause I have a new Master..Artful and my new name is "Artful's dream" as` soon as I can figure out how to log in with it..lol but i just wanted to let people know that ..i'm off to submit my poem i dedicated to my new Master in this forum...hugggs D-Angel..aka"Artful's dream"






The answer is:"One who may teach me submissive sexuality"_~ the question is"Who is it that I havechosen to open my heart and spread my sex"?