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Making a list of petty wishes for my ex

May both sides of your pillow always be warm

May you step in something wet when you’ve just put on a fresh pair of socks

May your hairline recede 1/4” each time you lie

May your boot laces break everytime you put them on

May you have explosive diarrhea on your drive home and hit all the worst traffic and red lights

I think that’s a good start.
Need cue cards for him showing how much more he loses by dragging it out vs how much he can save by shutting up and listening.
 
Taking the trash to the road. 🤷‍♂️
I’ve gotta find cooler things to do with my life.
 
Making a list of petty wishes for my ex

May both sides of your pillow always be warm

May you step in something wet when you’ve just put on a fresh pair of socks

May your hairline recede 1/4” each time you lie

May your boot laces break everytime you put them on

May you have explosive diarrhea on your drive home and hit all the worst traffic and red lights

I think that’s a good start.

This one.

This one is the worst, by far.

Not the explosive diarrhea?!

Nope. The socks.

I still prefer step barefoot on a lego brick.

Well there’s no legos in his apartment so….maybe step barefoot on a cockroach?
The hairline is worse than the socks, but the roach is worse than both.

Waiting for people to go to the chest thread and appreciate my bosom.
If you insist!

I think I have a winner. Now the question is, do I stop at one?
This is a rhetorical question, right? Or is the question really should you stop at only one, as opposed to two? Like 1 might have better beef tacos dorados while the other has better carnitas street tacos?
 
This is a rhetorical question, right? Or is the question really should you stop at only one, as opposed to two? Like 1 might have better beef tacos dorados while the other has better carnitas street tacos?

But the world has al pastor. So wouldn't that be the tiebreaker?
 
The hairline is worse than the socks, but the roach is worse than both.


If you insist!


This is a rhetorical question, right? Or is the question really should you stop at only one, as opposed to two? Like 1 might have better beef tacos dorados while the other has better carnitas street tacos?
Mostly a question of how much driving I want to do for various chicken and/jackfruit tacos 🤣
 
Giving myself the Mom talk: yes it's cold and you don't want to leave your warm blanket but you are a grown ass adult who has bills to pay so get up! Also, mean girls are that way because they are insecure and hurt people hurt people. Oh and if someone doesn't talk to you anymore it's not anything to do with you, it's about them and only them and you can't control that so don't take on that baggage.
 
Giving myself the Mom talk: yes it's cold and you don't want to leave your warm blanket but you are a grown ass adult who has bills to pay so get up! Also, mean girls are that way because they are insecure and hurt people hurt people. Oh and if someone doesn't talk to you anymore it's not anything to do with you, it's about them and only them and you can't control that so don't take on that baggage.
Guys got different talks from Mom. Pretty much...

"It's late. Get up. Now."
"And pick up all these damn Kleenex that are everywhere"
 
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