What makes a good Dom/me?
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cymbidia
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For me, a good Dom/me is intelligent, wildly creative, quietly empathtic, exceedingly detail-oriented, highly adventuresome, and able to be very focused and singleminded. Additionally, the attributes of enhanced verbal abilities and long fingers cannot be emphasized too highly. Finally, at least a couple dashes of Sadism is something i find essential in my Dominants.
willfulbrat
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cymbidia said:For me, a good Dom/me is intelligent, wildly creative, quietly empathtic, exceedingly detail-oriented, highly adventuresome, and able to be very focused and singleminded. Additionally, the attributes of enhanced verbal abilities and long fingers cannot be emphasized too highly. Finally, at least a couple dashes of Sadism is something i find essential in my Dominants.
Hehe. Long fingers are on my list, too.
And to cym's list i would add playfulness. A true punishment will make me cry, but given the same treatment in a playfully stern manner is delightful.
Shadowsdream
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Reality and common sense.MissTaken said:What qualities do you seek in a Dom/me or feel you have that makes you a good Dom/me?
D's mariposa
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Compassion and creativity. Empathy is important. And this sounds odd, but a touch of gentleness. And respect is a big one.
bunny bondage
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this is a tough one, there's a lot to cover.
well first, he can't be an asshole. i have to be treated like a person, and individual, not just an object. he has to appreciate the things i do for him, the "gift" i've given him, rather than just accepting it as something he deserves. he has to be willing to guide and advise me in life, lead me toward goals which would enrich me rather than just concern himself with what new way i can get his rocks off. playfullness, willingness to try new things (espically, though not exclusively, sexually) are also important. i am a very libido-driven person, and i need someone who has as much fun with sex as i do. i am not a blow-up doll, i am not here for the specific purpose of making someone ejaculate. now don't get me wrong, i absolutly love making my dom cum, his pleasure is mine, and nothing compares to that sense of satisfaction when i know i've done well, but there has to be more.
a lot of what i look for is very similar to what any vanilla girl seeks: emotional sensitivity, intelligence, wit, companionship. my dom must also double as my friend.
ok, i'm not sure if i'm making a great deal of sense, but i'm plunging forward anyhow.
for me, the bedroom is just one place the D/s nature of the relationship is explored. i am a submissive, and to fulfill this part of myself, i need someone who is a dominant. (yes, this is obvious) ok, that didn't come out right. what i mean is that i am a full-time sub who needs a sort of ....um.....mentor and teacher and guiding hand and friend and confidant and lover and....well, he has to be all of these things. someone mentioned to me earlier that my ideal relationship sounds a lot like that between a parent and child. and while i do not lack a father (i happen to really like my dad, in fact) this is sort of the relationship i want.
ok, i've either rambled on for a page or i've made my point. either way, it ends here.
well first, he can't be an asshole. i have to be treated like a person, and individual, not just an object. he has to appreciate the things i do for him, the "gift" i've given him, rather than just accepting it as something he deserves. he has to be willing to guide and advise me in life, lead me toward goals which would enrich me rather than just concern himself with what new way i can get his rocks off. playfullness, willingness to try new things (espically, though not exclusively, sexually) are also important. i am a very libido-driven person, and i need someone who has as much fun with sex as i do. i am not a blow-up doll, i am not here for the specific purpose of making someone ejaculate. now don't get me wrong, i absolutly love making my dom cum, his pleasure is mine, and nothing compares to that sense of satisfaction when i know i've done well, but there has to be more.
a lot of what i look for is very similar to what any vanilla girl seeks: emotional sensitivity, intelligence, wit, companionship. my dom must also double as my friend.
ok, i'm not sure if i'm making a great deal of sense, but i'm plunging forward anyhow.
for me, the bedroom is just one place the D/s nature of the relationship is explored. i am a submissive, and to fulfill this part of myself, i need someone who is a dominant. (yes, this is obvious) ok, that didn't come out right. what i mean is that i am a full-time sub who needs a sort of ....um.....mentor and teacher and guiding hand and friend and confidant and lover and....well, he has to be all of these things. someone mentioned to me earlier that my ideal relationship sounds a lot like that between a parent and child. and while i do not lack a father (i happen to really like my dad, in fact) this is sort of the relationship i want.
ok, i've either rambled on for a page or i've made my point. either way, it ends here.
AnelizeDarkEyes
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all of the above.
but for me, i need someone with a quirky sense of humor, some silliness, someone who doesn't take Himself so damn seriously.
wit is wonderful, but there's a difference between what i'm looking for and wit. i'm looking for a certain irreverance i suppose. less sarcasm and cutting wit and more slapstick and silly--somewhere in between the two would be ideal.
it's very hard to explain....and i don't feel like i'm doing a very good job *sigh*
the ability to laugh at oneself is a good start.
~anelize
but for me, i need someone with a quirky sense of humor, some silliness, someone who doesn't take Himself so damn seriously.
wit is wonderful, but there's a difference between what i'm looking for and wit. i'm looking for a certain irreverance i suppose. less sarcasm and cutting wit and more slapstick and silly--somewhere in between the two would be ideal.
it's very hard to explain....and i don't feel like i'm doing a very good job *sigh*
the ability to laugh at oneself is a good start.
~anelize
lark sparrow
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Instinct, intelligence and good common, no nonsense, sense... if I can run circles around them in any of these ways I will not be able to respect them as personally Dominant to me. It has to be more than the ability to swing a whip. They have to have some superiority to me in these ways - something that makes them the leader all on their own, beyond my simple desire to follow.
Trustworthiness and empathy are very high on the lists of needs for me if surrender to their dominance is to happen. A sense of humor, and ability to see life a bit differently than I do but in a way that still makes sense and is compelling to me - so I can learn from and laugh with them.
And I love a Dominant that has no fear and embraces the erotic nature of pain, while still being safety-minded, of course (see trustworthiness and empathy). Another appealing quality for me, is the ability to "see through me" because they have a deep understanding of what submissives in general need, and they know me specifically - being able to draw upon and use that information better than I can myself, at times.
Trustworthiness and empathy are very high on the lists of needs for me if surrender to their dominance is to happen. A sense of humor, and ability to see life a bit differently than I do but in a way that still makes sense and is compelling to me - so I can learn from and laugh with them.
And I love a Dominant that has no fear and embraces the erotic nature of pain, while still being safety-minded, of course (see trustworthiness and empathy). Another appealing quality for me, is the ability to "see through me" because they have a deep understanding of what submissives in general need, and they know me specifically - being able to draw upon and use that information better than I can myself, at times.
sub princess
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i think........
A good Dom/me is above all else Human, in that He/She is able to see that Their sub/slave(s) are human too. They should be compassionate in realizing that Their subs will faulter, and make mistakes, while at the same time administering the proper punishment for such mistakes. Intelligence is important too, as having a decent conversation is an important factor when discussing realistic life choices. Strength (emotional, not necessarily physical) and Dominance are of course a must. Having a great sense of humor is of great benefit, as sometimes in life sh*t happens. And lastly (for now) imagination is a must...... coming up with new and exciting ways to invoke thoughts and emotions, assigning disciplines and tasks that will help in deepening the sub/slaves devotions to Him/Her.
A good Dom/me is above all else Human, in that He/She is able to see that Their sub/slave(s) are human too. They should be compassionate in realizing that Their subs will faulter, and make mistakes, while at the same time administering the proper punishment for such mistakes. Intelligence is important too, as having a decent conversation is an important factor when discussing realistic life choices. Strength (emotional, not necessarily physical) and Dominance are of course a must. Having a great sense of humor is of great benefit, as sometimes in life sh*t happens. And lastly (for now) imagination is a must...... coming up with new and exciting ways to invoke thoughts and emotions, assigning disciplines and tasks that will help in deepening the sub/slaves devotions to Him/Her.
zipman
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Communication - To be able to discuss limits, desires and needs
Direction - To be able to give a sub the direction that they require
Consistency - To be able to take the guess work out of submission
Respect - For limits and a person's worth outside the scene.
Direction - To be able to give a sub the direction that they require
Consistency - To be able to take the guess work out of submission
Respect - For limits and a person's worth outside the scene.
T.J. Jackson
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zipman7 said:
Couldn't these same attributes be used to define a good submissive? (I took out the direction one as the way zip used it was more related to Dom/mes.)
Which begs the question, what makes a good submissive?
zipman
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T.J. Jackson said:
Communication is essential for both sides, probably a little more important for the sub with regard to conveying limits etc.
A Dom/me needs to be consistent in the types of direction that s/he gives. An action can't be bad one day and then good the next. I would say a sub doesn't need consistency, rather obedience to consistent direction.
When I said respect, it was for a Dom's abiding by a subs limits and personal self-worth outside of a scene. A sub into humiliation should only be humiliated during a scene, not after it has ended. For a sub, respect takes a different meaning. It is showing their Dom/me the proper respect in scene as opposed to after a scene.
Netzach
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For a good Dominant:
Humility.
Dedication.
Willingness to set aside immediate gratification at times.
Patience.
Sense of direction.
A sense of enlightenment, curiosity and openmindedness about the world and its workings, a tendency to question things, question and probe other people (not a pun)
Respect
For a good submissive:
A strong sense of self- boundaries, desires, goals
An ability to say no (how else can saying yes mean anything?)
Dedication and patience
An ability to wrestle an otherwise highly functioning ego to the ground
A sense of service/sacrifice
Respect, and the ability to assess where it is merited
Humility.
Dedication.
Willingness to set aside immediate gratification at times.
Patience.
Sense of direction.
A sense of enlightenment, curiosity and openmindedness about the world and its workings, a tendency to question things, question and probe other people (not a pun)
Respect
For a good submissive:
A strong sense of self- boundaries, desires, goals
An ability to say no (how else can saying yes mean anything?)
Dedication and patience
An ability to wrestle an otherwise highly functioning ego to the ground
A sense of service/sacrifice
Respect, and the ability to assess where it is merited
Shadowsdream
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A good Dominant knows that it is not all about Her/Him, but that it is about *them* and the magic of the interaction between *them*
The Dominant does not take a submissive just to have a submissive but chooses carefully so that there is a real chance of success in the relationship.
Said Dominant is confident without being arrogant, firm without being cruel.
The Dominant does not take a submissive just to have a submissive but chooses carefully so that there is a real chance of success in the relationship.
Said Dominant is confident without being arrogant, firm without being cruel.
MoonduskSub
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What makes a good Dom/me...
is a question I see asked alot, or have rather. So what does make a good Dom/me? Depends on the person(s) involved.
For me, personally, patience, understanding of themselves and thier partner, an ablity to give as their submissive gives, communication, honesty, loyality, consistancy, the list goes on to what everyone else said beforehand.
None of those listed in the prior post, I feel are more important any any other, simply a balance that many, including myself, seek in a Dom/me. As for what makes a good submissive...the same qualities as a Dom/me. The only difference I find is one is dominant, the other submits to this upon the agreed discussion they have talked about...Both parties are there to make a whole.
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Moonie
is a question I see asked alot, or have rather. So what does make a good Dom/me? Depends on the person(s) involved.
For me, personally, patience, understanding of themselves and thier partner, an ablity to give as their submissive gives, communication, honesty, loyality, consistancy, the list goes on to what everyone else said beforehand.
None of those listed in the prior post, I feel are more important any any other, simply a balance that many, including myself, seek in a Dom/me. As for what makes a good submissive...the same qualities as a Dom/me. The only difference I find is one is dominant, the other submits to this upon the agreed discussion they have talked about...Both parties are there to make a whole.
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:Moonie
psiberzerker
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To me, a good Dom/me is observant, and caring above all else. Creativity, and intelligence is nice too to think of nasty things to do to their subjects, but the first two are the bare minimum.
What makes MY good Dom/me?
Honesty first and foremost with themselves. If they don't know why they're here, I shouldn't be. I want to have it understood without questioning if this is what they want to be doing. That sort of question destroys the mood entirely. Of course, tied into this is honesty with me, only possible through constant, mature, open communication.
Creativity has to be right below this, though. I'm creative. I'm also really fond of thorough fantasizing, and I HATE HATE HATE prompting the Dom when he can't think of anything to tell me to do. Topping in the most unsatisfactory way.
Tied into THAT is intelligence, which is mandatory in any partner I ever consider dating, but since I think I've decided that I shall never go nilla again (she says at the ripe old age of 19), that means any Dom I ever partner up with. Creativity is nice. Ability to apply that creativity safely is better.
Sharing of the same basic strong kinks and bedroom needs. I know that if T were not with me, he probably would do very few of the things he and I do, but when he is with me, he enjoys them wildly. That's enough for me. This goes back to the "honesty" thing.
Respect, yes. I'm heavy on humiliation, and like the esteemable Zipman said, it stops at the door to the bedroom. It would be impossible for me to share such intimate, secret facts about myself if I weren't sure in my heart of hearts that he will not condemn me for them. But this can all be summarized in trust.
Nice how these all seem to be tied together, huh? (Then again, that usually means that if a Dom/me is lacking in one, s/he's probably lacking in quite a few more.)
Honesty first and foremost with themselves. If they don't know why they're here, I shouldn't be. I want to have it understood without questioning if this is what they want to be doing. That sort of question destroys the mood entirely. Of course, tied into this is honesty with me, only possible through constant, mature, open communication.
Creativity has to be right below this, though. I'm creative. I'm also really fond of thorough fantasizing, and I HATE HATE HATE prompting the Dom when he can't think of anything to tell me to do. Topping in the most unsatisfactory way.
Tied into THAT is intelligence, which is mandatory in any partner I ever consider dating, but since I think I've decided that I shall never go nilla again (she says at the ripe old age of 19), that means any Dom I ever partner up with. Creativity is nice. Ability to apply that creativity safely is better.
Sharing of the same basic strong kinks and bedroom needs. I know that if T were not with me, he probably would do very few of the things he and I do, but when he is with me, he enjoys them wildly. That's enough for me. This goes back to the "honesty" thing.
Respect, yes. I'm heavy on humiliation, and like the esteemable Zipman said, it stops at the door to the bedroom. It would be impossible for me to share such intimate, secret facts about myself if I weren't sure in my heart of hearts that he will not condemn me for them. But this can all be summarized in trust.
Nice how these all seem to be tied together, huh? (Then again, that usually means that if a Dom/me is lacking in one, s/he's probably lacking in quite a few more.)
